Collaborative Problem Solving

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Has anyone here tried the Collaborative Problem Solving method describe by Ross Green in The Explosive Child? I've recently finished reading both his books (the other is Lost at School) and have been watching the videos (see http://www.livesinthebalance.org/walking-tour-parents) and listening to the recordings of his weekly show. I'm quite taken with it, to say the least, but haven't actually TRIED the method yet... Has anyone here used the Plan B problem solving method described in the book (beyond just the mindset change)?

I tried it last year, based on the videos. We are going to order the book closer to the end of the school term. and are going to give it a go, again, this summer, after I have time to go into more depth on it.

We got stuck on the part where you ask the child for input and you get no response or "I don't know." The video I saw said to keep plugging away, but I felt he was not developmentally able to give me that kind of feedback.

I am hoping that a combination of actually reading the book, our current situation being less charged and some growth in communications skills might make it work better. I think the general philosophy is more compatible with my son's temperament than the authoritarian-based models and I hope that I can get this to work.

I haven't read the book, but did listen to a webinar by Ross Green, and found we'd basically been using this method for some time. I think it works, though I would say we don't follow it to the letter.

That being said, it takes some things on the part of your child: a belief that you are actually on his side (this took some time to build up with DS, because we had been screwing up parenting pretty badly) an ability to communicate (not necessarily in words) and a willingness to try. If you don't have those three things, that's the place to start. Small steps.

We do an awful lot of our problem-solving via the computer or via text message - DS is much better able to agree and respond if we're typing instead of talking. If you have a child that can't read yet, you might want to see if you can use pointing or drawing cartoons or other ways of communicating - even if they have good language skills, it doesn't always mean they know how to use them in situations like these. Sometimes, with DS, we provide a multiple-choice list of alternatives if he can't come up with an answer on his own, and we go with the one he reacts to best and then re-tool as needed.

I often think about parenting DS as though he were a valued employee or co-worker instead of a kid (at least, on a good day.) He responds much better when we sit down and try to problem-solve through a situation the way you would with another adult.

Not familiar, but now I am interested as I have a kid who fails to respond when I try to engage her in problem solving and I don't know what to do about it. If this can help us get past that, I would be very grateful.

Will go look into it...

I've also been listening to the podcasts while I'm doing boring things like folding laundry, and there are a couple in a row where a mom calls in who has a lot of trouble getting her son to even talk to her about a problem without exploding.

Thank you! I will need to check those out!

Funny, I read the book with the thought to use this with my AS son, but I have used it equally in the classroom with NTs. Works better with NTs. My son's logic gets screwy sometimes. It does work most of the time, but often I have to wade through my son's "logic".

That seems to be the basic philosophy I came into parenting with. (At times, I am moving back into a more traditional mindset now, but that isn't the point here. I think the truth is, there is usefulness in this collaborative type and there is usefulness in being the authority....and you've got to fill in your gaps.)


This reminds me of something that happened when my son was about 2. He pulled a cup of vinegar down from the counter into his eyes. After I figured out I needed to wash his eyes out, I picked him up and brought him to bathtub. As I washed his eyes out, in between wails, he screamed...

"No, thank you!"

"How can we solve this problem?"

I think the important thing to remember is that you're going to have to make sure your communication issues are handled first: we didn't really try this until we'd done some serious work on pragmatic speech, both with my son working on it and with us learning to understand him better. In general, we found that his problem behaviors were often directly connected to miscommunications.

I just watched some of the videos and think it's really well done. I've used problem solving approaches with children and families before and have found them to be effective in reducing problem behavior. At the very least, it allows for the possibility of a better understanding of the problem. If you have a child with limited verbal skills, this may take extra thought and guess-work from a parent, but the general concept should still apply - understand the child's perspective, generate solutions that are satisfactory to all parties with as much input from the child as possible.

Regarding the brainstorming step, when I do collaborative brainstorming with kids, I like to put all options on the table before selecting appropriate ones. What I mean is that even bad solutions or silly ones get mentioned. The brainstorming session is judgment free and purely creative. I often lead with a silly one just to lighten the mood, and show that the kid can feel free to say anything. After generating a list of possible solutions, you can then collaboratively evaluate them on a one by one basis for their pros and cons.

An added benefit of this approach is that it shows a framework for general individual problem solving: evaluate and understand the problem, generate possible solutions, evaluate the possible solutions and select one. That is a fundamental skill-set that all people need to function effectively, and this approach allows you to do it collaboratively with a kid. It also encourages children to negotiate to get their needs met, and provides a framework for them to use in order to do so.

Thanks for the link!