Parent that desperately needs some advise

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Hello Everyone,

I am the father of an amazing 4 year old boy that is on the spectrum. He has been diagnosed being very high functioning, with his biggest issues in verbal communication (mostly answering questions and verbally expressing his needs) and social behavior. Anyway, my son is currently in a ASD pre-k class provided by our public school system. When he first went into the program he was almost non-verbal and would not pay attention to anything. Now it has been almost a year and he has made lots of improvements. Here is where I need the advise.

We have the option to send him to a "mainstream" pre-k, but I don't know if I should try him out in that program or keep him in his current one. His current program is for kids ages 3 - 5 that have ASD, and has small class sizes, currently 8 kids with 3 teachers. They also provide basic speach and aba therapy (which is the only therapy he is currently receiving since our insurance doesn't want to play nice).

The new program would be in a completely different education environment, much larger class sizes with way less 1 on 1 interaction and no therapy what so ever.

Like every parent, I want the best for my son, and want him to thrive. My fear is that if he goes to the new program he will get picked on since he is not very verbal, a little socially awkward, and that the staff will not know how to handle a child with his needs. My other fear is that if he stays in his current program that he might not be challenged enough. Currently he is the top 2 of progress made in his class, so I fear; will he get much more out of it next year?

What experiences have you all (either as parents, or people that have been diagnosed, or both) had when it comes to "mainstream" classes vs specialized ASD classes, and what methods or techniques can you recommend to help with social interactions among his own peer group?

I greatly appreciate any advise this community can provide.

Thanks,

Chris

Oh I would definitely keep him in the stream he's in now. Mainstream classes are brutal for us. I can't imagine having access to smaller claaes and specialized instruction and not taking advantage of it. Im not a huge fan of aba, but its better then mainstream I'm sure. I wouldn't worry too much about the academic curriculum. He will probably naturally develop an interest in things.

I'd leave him where he's at for another year. Does he like it?? Is he happy there?? Does he want to go to school?? Does he like his teachers and his aides??

If the answer is yes, leave him there.

He's TINY. He has his whole life to face challenges and climb mountains (of which, believe me, he will do plenty).

You can present challenges outside of class, too. Academic challenges, social challenges, verbal challenges, all kinds of challenges.

No one knew I was anything other than a selfish brat. Achievement was important to my grandmother, so I tried real hard to do everything on schedule. Went to school, placed into the advanced classes, joined the National Honor Society, got a scholarship, went to college. I did it all on the same timetable as an NT kid, and I made straight As while I was doing it, and I goddamn near had multiple nervous breakdowns (and have had probably at least three that I know of). I could have still gotten here if I'd gotten here a little slower, a little later, with a few more "special" classes and a few less honors. I could, actually, probably have gotten to someplace better than here, without some of the irreparable mistakes and non-healing wounds.

I'll tell you something about autistic people-- I won't say we don't like to be challenged (we just prefer to choose the challenges), but we HATE stress. Nobody likes it, and we don't like it even more than most people don't like it. We get to "nervous breakdown" faster than other people, and it takes less to send us there. We don't rise to the occasion-- we bomb out, run out of the room crying, shut down, and don't try again for a long, long, long time.

Will he be mainstreamed someday?? Sure sounds like it. That day will come soon enough, and then the little fishie will be swimming with the sharks. Most likely he will swim OK (with 'OK' meaning that he doesn't get eaten alive and also doesn't start mimicking the bastards until he becomes one), with some mishaps that he'll learn from, recover from, and get on with life smarter for.

But, especially since it seems he doesn't quite communicate well enough for you to ask him what HE thinks and be sure of the answer right now, let him take his own good time to get there. He's an autistic kid-- a tiny little autistic kid who would still need help wiping his butt even if he were a typical kid. Let him stay in a place where it's safe to be an autistic kid for a little bit longer.

I'd say keep him where he is, and the moment he has a chance to get into any gifted classes, any at all that he could do well in, push for it. My parents pushed eventually, but not hard enough. When I finally made it into a couple of advanced classes, I was the happiest I'd ever been academically.

I'm assuming he's above average in something, though really, even the stuff I've always been average in was better in an advanced classroom.

As for socializing, you're lucky he's young, because it only gets harder after middle school- until college. Since he is so young, invite other kids over for playdates, but make it stuff where he won't have to talk too much. Take them to a museum for a guided tour, take them to a movie, take them to storytime at the library if he can handle that, take them fishing when they're a bit older. Since I don't know your son, I don't know which, if any of those are likely to work out best.

Get him involved in groups that do things involving his interests. Just make an effort to find smaller groups.

Sign him up for some age level fun classes (ceramics, or something) with the local YMCA or city recreation programs.

Consider getting him involved with Boy Scouts when he's older- I know that's worked out for a few of my friends and their kids. Make sure his scout leaders understand his needs though.

Like the others, my instinct is to not rock a boat that has been working for you.

In direct answer to your question, my son has always been mainstreamed. We have been fortunate enough to be in a relatively attentive district and to have schools that highly value inclusiveness. My son is smart and needs the academic challenges of a mainstream education, and the community we are in has provided an imperfect but adequate buffer on the social issues side. My son has almost always had friends and kids willing to stick up for him, and at this point (about to turn 17) he pretty much just blends in, although he stands out for other reasons (he is very confident and opinionated, lol, and the kids around him tend to think he is absolutely brilliant).

We were able to receive OT, speech, resource supports and some therapy for my son through the school district, although there was a little bit of "graduating" and re-qualifying involved, and it is now believed that he was "graduated" from OT too soon (he has dysgraphia but can type all his work).

You have to know the school(s) your child will be enrolled in. Observe the school. Observe the kids and the parents. Talk to people. Lots of people. Find out what their different experiences have been. Know what the official positions are, as well; but also get a sense for how those positions are playing out in real life. Every school and every community is different; you really can't figure this out without looking at your own, unique, actual options.

I think the priority is making sure your child is in an environment that works for him so that he has a solid base from which to work on his challenges. Once you have a comfortable base for him, you can continually push to work him at his limits, so that he will learn and develop and advance to his maximum potential. He can't do that without a secure place, a secure home base, which is why I suggest that as the priority. There are many ways to enhance an education beyond what a particular school is offering, but not very many ways to turn a stressful environment that is hindering your child into an acceptable one.

I also would keep him where he is, if it is working and he likes it. We didn't have anything "in between" SPED and inclusion to choose from. We had SPED which was a joke and little more than babysitting, inclusion and mainstream. Inclusion was basically mainstream plus a classroom aide. It worked when the aide was good and ended up being closer to a 1-to-1 aide. When they aide was poorly trained---yikes... it went very badly when the teacher was not around to handle things.

If they are not going to give you an aide or therapy, I would also guess that if "things come up" they will handle it badly. I would stick with where you are. There is plenty of time to mainstream. Take the scaffolding when you can get it, especially if your child's academic needs are being met as well.

I am in a similar position as you but won't have to make a final decision for another year, however, I am 99% positive that my son will be going to a mainstream classroom for K with additional therapies happening outside the classroom. Ultimately the reason is that although the integrated classroom and services/attention my son gets is good, he needs more interaction with NT children who will respond to his attempts at interaction. My son's preschool is a 50-50 integrated classroom so when he in fact does interact with another child he basically has a 50-50 that the other child will respond. I know my son enjoys his current classroom and is learning/growing both academically and socially, but my gut tells my me son is picking up just as many odd behaviors as useful behaviors in the integrated classroom. These things are gut wrenching calls.

Thank you all very much for your replies. I am leaning towards keeping my son in his current program, just need to talk it over with the wife and make sure we are doing what is best for him.

I agree with everyone to keep him where he is. I also say this because he is in pre-K. If he were in a higher grade where more academic things were being accomplished, I might recommend differently. Especially with you saying he is not very verbal, keeping him where he is will give him more time to improve his skills in this area (as you noted he has come a long way already!). Also, from a self-esteem point of view, he is feeling successful there and is doing very well. He might be at the other end if you put him in the other setting. Another year may put him in a place where you will feel comfortable mainstreaming him. He has the rest of his life to be in a regular classroom (and believe me, the help you are getting in a classroom geared to kids with issues is far more than you will find in a regular classroom! I have a 16-year-old daughter and speak from experience!) Good luck whatever your decision! Hope this is helpful!

I second and third the others' advice.

If you're in New York City (which you are not, probably), I would never place my kid in a special needs class, especially if it's within the public school system. The teachers and others try--but it's just too overwhelming, Especially after Kindergarten, your child will learn practically nothing, exept what he teaches himself. It's not wholly because of the incompetenece of the teacher; in fact, it's because the classes are so disruptive that a climate of learning is not maintained.

I've experienced this when I observed a class for autistic kids. Despite the fact of the high-functioning of some of the students, the work tended to be repetitive (i.e., the kids were doing the same thing day after day). Special Ed, on a continuous basis, is not the way to go if you want your kid to succeed. The default diploma out of high school is not the traditional diploma (known as the Regent's Diploma in NY State), but what could be described as a "reward for just being present in school for 12 years."

I would keep him in the same program in Kindergarten, see how he is progressing, then (if at all possible), place him in a mainstream program with provision for support within the IEP (if you're in the US).

Mainstreaming (with supports clearly outlined in the IEP, and maintained consistently, with much vigilance on the parents' part), to me, is the best road to take. Labels tend to follow a person throughout life, whether that is the intention, or not the intention.

I think you're actually disagreeing with them. He is currently in a special needs class, and the decision is whether to mainstream him. The others have suggested leaving him where he is.

That is what I thought as well at first, but if continue reading, you will see the agreement is there only with further thoughts about future placement as mainstream by 1st grade.

No, I actually agree. They also advocate mainstreaming when the parent feel he is ready, but advocate special classes for now. I advocated keeping him unmainstramed in Kindergarten, then assessing him. I tend believe in mainstreaming with support, rather than total separation. Vigilantly follow the IEP. Make sure he gets the proper services.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 18 May 2014, 5:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If he's found to be gifted, I'd place him in a gifted program.

I've also got a 4 yr old Aspie and I'd do anything for a program like the one your son is in. Keep him there!
Kids don't learn anything in elementary school anyway (I used to work in academia, trust me) except for the social stuff and how to DO school (fit into modern industrial school setting and eventually modern industrial work setting). If he is happy and is learning some of those things let him be. You can teach him all the academic stuff (early math and reading, shapes and colours blah blah blah) at home and if he's bright it won't be difficult at all and he probably already knows it all. AND if he's particularly bright, he might not do so well being mainstreamed. I wouldn't worry about academic type learning until he's 7 or 8.

My 4yr is in almost the same situation. He went in to the HFA preK almost non verbal and has really thrived. He is speaking, follows instructions from others and is attending after 6 mos in this program. He is staying put for this upcoming year. He loves it and has made major strides in verbalization and interacting with other kids. He is happy and making progress, so we are keeping where he is thriving. He is actually pushing himself academically, learning to read and write on his own. We are supporting that and trying to focus of the foundations of communication, attention and interacting with other kids.

You know your kid and the program. If he is happy and you think he has more room to grow with the program then keep him in there. If you think he has taken everything he needs from the program and will stall then mainstream. You might talk to your prek teacher, I have found mine to be very receptive. She emails me when he has a special interest and lets me know what kind of programs they are using so I can generalize it to home. She picked up his interest in learning to write and has been teaching him in class.

It was hard not to focus on mainstreaming for me. However, I want him to have every skill in his toolbox so when he is ready it will be successful. Also we have him in intensive ABA and now speech, so I want to give him some happy kid time as well.