new to this....

Post Reply New Topic

Last week my daughter (just turned was diagnosed with being on the spectrum. This last year has been very hard on all of us and she has gone through things no one should have to. she has been seeing a counselor for the last year and we both agreed there was something else going on but her dr at that point said no to aspergers or a mood disorder. After she tried to kill herself (I walked in on her) and her dr not taking it seriously we switched to a psychiatrist.

She is about to finish second grade... in first grade she received a diagnosis of ADHD inattentiveness and towards the end of last year received a diagnosis of depression. After testing last year it showed she had a low working memory but an exceptional reading ability.

In the last three years of school she has made one friend. Bless this child for sticking by my daughter but my daughter has a somewhat unhealthy attachment to her .... and should this other girl talk to someone else at school my daughter sees this as rejection - in her mind you cannot be friends with more than one person.

She takes everything literally, gets mad because she will say something funny - people laugh and she doesn't get why we are laughing.. the biggest problem is her threat to hurt herself or others - her psychiatrist doesn't believe she will do anything and that it is just the worst thing she can think of when she is mad.

At recess she just swings by herself - every day and the times I have gone to have lunch with her no one talks to her. Not even on her birthday the other week did anyone fight to sit next to the birthday girl it goes without saying that she doesn't get invited to playdates or parties.

Outside of school she does gymnastics and swims - only activities where she doesn't have to talk to anyone or rely on anyone else to succeed.

She will start a new school for the next school year and I am hopeful she can make some new friends - if we can work on her not telling others exactly what she thinks of them..

Her current meds are vyvanse/Adderall, trazadone (for sleep) and risperadone - though I need her of the risperadone as her weight gain is terrible.

I am exhausted.... I don't know what else I can do to help her.

Thank you

They weaned her off Prozac over the last few weeks so waiting to see if that helps - it sure as heck didn't help being on it.

I wouldn't do anything without her doc okay-ing it.....

I am waiting for the full report of the testing to see exactly what it says - one thing I should have said is that they commented that she shows a lot of sensory seeking behavior.

I had asked her psych if there were any social groups to help her and he said none that he would recommend.

Last summer she spent the whole time trying to stay inside.

We have been told to let her pick one camp this summer and then pick one for her....

Tonight her meltdown was over a fear of having a bath or shower.... her body just goes so rigid and the fear in her eyes is extremely real...normally a bath helps her calm down but tonight it was something to be fearful of

our days are all the same.... I wish I could see a meltdown coming but the triggers are never the same to head them off.

thanks again

How does your daughter feel about the friends situation? What does she want, v. what does she say she wants because she thinks she should? Some Aspies are quite content not having friends. My son is actually quite capable of having friends, even though friendships were rough when he was younger, but now he chooses to have very few.

I am cautious about medications, and it seems like your daughter takes an awful lot. My children have never taken anything.

It reads to me like you've got the more difficult issues of my ASD son combined with those from my more-or-less NT daughter, both co-existing in your daughter. Not an easy combination. At that age my daughter threatened to kill herself several times, but it was something fleeting with her - she was angry and upset and extreme, but when it was gone, it was gone. It scared me to death, however. My answer to it was to make sure she would never have the opportunity, which is fairly easy to do when a child is young and helicopter parenting isn't that uncommon. And to work on the core issues that upset her.

Swinging at lunch time might actually be a healthy thing. Many ASD kids find activities like swinging to be calming and centering. I understand worrying because she is already struggling with friendships, but a school day is difficult for ASD kids to get through (the sensory side is so overwhelming, and handling the unpredictable kids is difficult) that a self-calming activity during lunchtime is practically a necessity. Even though my son had friends he would almost always spend some time doing his pacing around the field (pacing is his version of swinging, a self-calming activity).

I do think the whole friendship thing is harder for ASD girls, because young girls are cruel and very subtle about it. Boys are just in your face and the parents and teachers can quickly intervene and help them work things out. But with girls ... no one sees it.

Have you been able to identify what your daughter's stress factors are? That is often a first step. Figure out what stresses her, and then mitigate it. It can be the most unexpected things; my son was terrified of toilet flushes for a long time. To the extent possible, conform the environment to her needs so that she has a chance to feel safe and secure. Once you've gotten closer to that goal, you will find working with her on the other challenges to be a lot easier.

It can be difficult to figure out because triggers are only the last straw; the stress is usually built up before you get to that. See if you can notice subtle changes in your daughter's demeanor that will serve as warning signs of stress build up. With my son, I noticed a couple of things that would start accelerating as his stress built up: one was his eyes, a look that seemed to be laughing and sparkly advancing to a look of almost manic glee. When he is not stressed his eyes are soft and calm, even when laughing. Accompanying that was often an increase in inappropriate laughter and joking. Second, was increasing attempts to control and dictate situations and people around him. Basically, observe every detail and how they are accumulating. It is a definitely a puzzle.

Best of luck.

Thank you so much for your reply.

She seems to have bad sleep cycles which is why she takes the trazadone. She would go to sleep easy enough but then 2am would roll around (or anywhere from 1 - 3) and she would be up for the day.... not even melatonin could get her to stay asleep. There are nights where she still does wake this early but they happen may be 1 x a month compared to the 8 - 10 x a month previously.

I never hear her complaining of not having friends. May be it upsets me more than it bothers her.

Though yesterday she told this girl that sat next to her at lunch that she was dumb and stupid and crazy ... she had been telling me for a while that this girl was irritating her (little things like how she chewed at lunch)...

I do know that insects - particularly bees and wasps terrify her. She has never been stung but has this paranoia - in fact seeing one across the playground stresses her. She'd live in the snow year round if she could Her counselor has been working on this with her.

She also has life threatening food allergies but strangely these rarely bother her. Though it has been something she has lived with since a baby and her father has the same allergy set.

thanks again

daydreamer84's second post on this page include an interesting description of what things were like for her in elementary school, that I think will help you understand how to approach improving things with your daughter. Not to assume she will have exactly the same issues, but to understand how invisible the issues can be to us, until we start looking at the world more as our kids see it, instead of as we see it:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp6066743.html#6066743

The beauty of raising an ASD child in today's world is that there ARE teachers and professionals who understand what it can be like, and who will work with you. Past generations did not have that. I have seen it make huge, huge differences. If you don't have that teacher today, keep looking.