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YippySkippy
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21 May 2014, 7:26 am

I'm thinking of buying DS an autism t-shirt to wear in certain situations. He is very outgoing, and approaches other adults and kids everywhere. He asks them odd and sometimes inappropriate questions, and shares information about our family that is not appropriate. Sometimes, I can't get him to stop talking and move along unless I take his hand and pull him away. Throughout these weird interactions the people (his "victims" I sometimes think jokingly) look at me helplessly for some kind of explanation or assistance. I myself am socially anxious and do not want to launch into the story of DS's life with them.
So, the t-shirt. I think it would be helpful when we're attending events with lots of strangers and activity, where it's difficult to head him off and these interactions frequently occur. I'm thinking specifically of amusement parks and summer festivals/fairs. It would help explain his behavior without me having to say anything, and I don't think DS would mind wearing it as he's not upset about his autism or embarrassed by ANYTHING. I would also try to get a "cool" shirt, and not a babyish or pitying one.
What do you think? Do any of you use shirts for this purpose? I want to reiterate that he wouldn't be wearing it regularly, just in special circumstances. I think it would take a lot of stress off of my husband and I, and lead to happier outings for everyone.

Background - DS is almost 9 and has HFA (probably Asperger's but he's just diagnosed and they don't "do" Asperger's anymore)



Tawaki
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21 May 2014, 8:09 am

One. No one needs to know your business. I've seen kids with ODD or ADHD, act beyond the pale, and I don't think anyone would feel right putting them in a shirt announcing their issues.

I think 9 is WAY too old for that shirt. If I saw a child with that kind of shirt on, I'd steer clear. Mainly, because I figured his sensory issues where so over the top, I'd hate to trigger him into a meltdown. Also, you will get the morons, with no mouth filter saying, "You knew he was Autistic, why 'd you bring him here?"

If your child was non verbal, or limited communications skills and a runner that hides, I might be tempted to put on a hunter orange/day glow color shirt on in those situations because it is a safety issue.

I know this sucks. I get looks all the time because of my husband's social behavior. When he stands too close, traps a person with an Aspie monolog, has the Aspie stare going....I want to yell *He's not stone or drunk. I get it you are beyond uncomfortable. He has Aspergers. *

I wouldn't because he would die of humiliation. The uncomfortable part is all on me. My husband is oblivious to all of it.

It stinks people gawk or look. I don't see any upside, short of a safety issue to do shirt. This is coming from an NT with an Aspie husband, and a NT 10 year old.



Last edited by Tawaki on 21 May 2014, 8:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

Tawaki
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21 May 2014, 8:16 am

Just because I see a kid with an Autism shirt (thinking mainly the Puzzle Ribbon), I don't automatically assume the kid has that issue.

So anything you put on the shirt should clearly state the wearer has Autism. Most of the time, I really don't pay that much attention to what little kids are wearing. I think the only ones I notice are the day glow colored *Don't Feed Me! I Have Food Allergies! * shirts that some children under 5 wear around here. That's because you don't see kids wearing those colors much.



ASDMommyASDKid
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21 May 2014, 2:09 pm

I wouldn't do it b/c I would be afraid of attracting negative attention and would not want to "out" my son. I am in a very different position b/c my son does not strike up random conversations with people, as my son does not find them interesting. I can see where that would be a different issue than the usual gawking and staring at general stims. I also don't give a flying flip about people's reactions so much anymore, just because I don't... I just try to contain the activity and gently redirect him so people do not completely think I let him act feral. ;)



WelcomeToHolland
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25 May 2014, 10:02 am

Online I've received hate for admitting that my kids have worn such a shirt before, but in real life, we've never had someone be rude about my kids with the shirt on, but we most certainly have when they weren't wearing the shirt. My kids have worn these shirts in very busy areas, such as the airport, amusement park, etc.

My kids are lower functioning but it helps with damage control too; I find people respond differently to my kids (and more appropriately) when they immediately know my kids have autism, whereas for example with my older son they think he's just severely intellectually disabled and the way people respond to that is quite different than how they respond to autism. (Also with my younger son who is an escape artist, I think it would increase his odds of survival if I lost him, which is my worst fear). I don't know if it would work with HFA but I think it's worth a shot.

There are some pretty cool ones, I think.



momsparky
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25 May 2014, 4:55 pm

ThinkGeek does a neurodiversity t-shirt to support ASAN every year. We all have one (we love the Fibonacci brain, which is the 2013 shirt) and wear them proudly. I'm not sure it will do what you want it to or not - not a lot of people know what neurodiversity means...but the good thing is that they donate to ASAN with every purchase.

http://www.thinkgeek.com/blog/2014/03/t ... rsity.html

It's tough when you have a kid whose behavior resembles that of an a$$hole, even if he isn't one - I've been there. I think sometimes you can do a lot of "explaining" by how YOU behave. For instance, one time we were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, and my teen son (who was hungry, which can be a trigger for him) wanted something I didn't want to get him (long story - suffice it to say I had a good reason.) His whining got louder and louder, and became angry shouting and name-calling.

Not every day, but some days, I do it right - I turned to him, said calmly and quietly without any anger "It is not OK to talk to me that way, you need to go wait in the car." When he didn't, I simply started quietly counting backwards from 5 (which has been our standard method of managing him that he responds to well.) He stormed off to the car. I turned to look at all the people who had, previously, been staring at him with shocked faces, and found every single one to have changed to an understanding and kind look. (The parents of a$$holes do not need to develop ninja parenting skillz; every person there figured out what it was that they just saw.)

Autism is everywhere now (meaning, in the public eye - of course it's always been there.) People get it, even with just a little tipoff.



BuyerBeware
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25 May 2014, 11:59 pm

I wrestle with the temptation to hang one on myself. I like the rainbow brain, and the one that says, "Autism is not a tragedy. Ignorance is a tragedy."

I don't do it, because of the news, and because I know how fast my nice neighbors could turn into a lynch mob. When I leave here, I want it to be because I have chosen to leave here, not because I'm being quietly harassed in my own home.

Given the climate in the news media, I don't think I'd take the chance with a kid. I really don't.


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