New here one aspie son and another possible

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Hello! I just found this forum. I am going to introduce myself and my sons. Hope I don't bore you. I have always wanted a place to connect with other parents dealing with the same issues.

My oldest son will be 13 in March he has Aspergers. We found out when he was about 9. Up until then the schools and I had no idea what to do with him. He's always walked around on his tiptoes squeal while twirling his hands together and gritting his teeth. He gets obsessed with certain things and stays that way for a long time. It was trains for years , then pokemon and now iPods. In kindergarten he had so many outbursts that he actually got suspeneded from school. They ended up sending him to another school and put him in a TMI class but that was not what he needed. He is extremely smart but cannot read at all no matter how hard they try. By the third grade he was falling so far behind that he was barely at a first grade level in all classes some were even below that. we had him tested for everything and the doctors said he was just ADHD. ADHD medicine was not helping and we tried several different kinds. We even had him tested for absense seizures by getting an EEG. Finally the teacher was telling me that another parent saw him wandering around on his toes, squealing and at that time he was obsessed with picking glue tops. This parent told the teacher that he had Aspergers so the teacher called me and we did some reasearch (I filled out a sensory paper and almost all applied to him)and it totally fit him. I took him to a doctor that specializes in Autism and finally we knew why my son was so weird.

In the 3 years since his diagnosis my son has gone from being way below grade level to making the honer roll in his normal 6th grade class. His teachers are so impressed. He has an amazing memory. I swear he doesn't forget anything at all. He still can't read but since that was the only thing holding him back he has a scribe that helps him in class. His homework is sent home on computer discs that read to him. It's like a totally different kid. Of course, he still has his quirks. He still walks on his toes and squeals and twirls his hands. He's extremely stubborn and brutally honest which is not always a quality because he insults people. He does things to make his siblings mad then screams when they kick his butt. He decided to join Karate (the whole family joined) and was doing great until one day when they were lining people up by age. Tristan lined up with the pre-teens but since he is about a foot shorter the instructor moved him over with the little kids. In her defense she had no idea how old he was but he flew off the handle and now refuses to participate. Last week he was wandering around while the rest of the family did Karate and he climbed up on a wall. When the lady asked him to get down he started cussing at her and flipping her off. When I yelled at him he told me that Freedom of speech is in the United States Constitution... He learned that more than a year ago but he can recite the entire constitution. We had to explain to him that the constitution has limitations and swearing at people in public is wrong.

My other son doesn't have the sensory issues at all. He is 11 (will be 12 in April) and has other issues. He absolutely cannot handle an insult even if it's a joke. He's a little guy (smaller than my oldest at 52 inches and 60 pounds) but he likes to fight. He is smart in all areas of school and would do great if he would just do his work. He gets distracted and it takes FOREVER to get anything done. He is the same way with everything he does. He just can't do something and be done with it. He is a germaphob and what makes that really strabge is he has NEVER been potty trained. He is not afraid of HIS germs just everyone elses. I send 3 pair of clothes to school nd I sometimes still have to pick him up because he stinks or ran out of clothes. When he has an accident (He does both #1 and #2) he just ignores that he's even done it. We have taken him to every doctor imaginable. Urologists, gasteroenterologists and he has had all kinds of tests run and been on miralax, and ditropan and detrol. NOTHING works. He still does it. Finally last week the doctor suggested that it's a bigger problem so he had an EEG. He sees a neurologist next week and I really hope they find the problem. Is there a form of Autism that would cause this?? He is stinking up my house. I am constantly washing clothes, blankets and cleaning furniture while he ignores the problem. Kids at school are picking on him and he comes home all upset so I know it bothers him but he still chooses to ignore it. Everyone tells me that I should not get angry but it's really hard when your house smells like an outhouse.

The only things that are similar to his brother is he is obsessed with elephants. He has been for years. He probably has 100 stuffed elephants and if one gets dirty or ripped he freaks out. One got ripped 2 years ago and he wanted us to fix it. I thought I'd wait til he was not looking and i got rid of it. He noticed it right away and still won't forgive me. He wants me to find another one just like it and replace it. He also has to sleep with the same blanket every night. He has several blankets but if his favorite isn't clean he will refuse to go to bed. That really sucks because with all of this accidents he is a horrible bed wetter. I actually make him wear pull ups but sometimes even they leak so I still end up washing his blanket nearly every day.

I am losing my mind here!

I'm new here too, in fact this is my first post.
I too have a son he is 8, am still waiting on tests to find out if he definately has Aspergers. He is severely dyslexic and has been struggling at school for some time, his teachers have told me his behavior is slightly odd! he rocks back an forth (has been doing this since he was 2) he won't look you in the eye when he talks to you, and hates his routine being changed.

But he is very loving child, and the kids have school have accepted him as he is, he is no trouble but sometimes i wish i could get inside his head to see what he is thinking as he sometimes seems in a world of his own.

I think its a good idea you are taking him to a neurologist. Hopefully they can help. I was just reading last night how some kids with difficulty reading and concentrating in school actually have epilespy. They have so many absense seizures which go unnoticed usually by onlookers that the kid can't concentrate on the work in front of them.

As far as the bedwetting did you know there is a product called Good Nites that is made for older kids and will hold more than regular Pull Ups?

Have you also considered homeschooling or putting him in a school for autistics if one is available in your area.

I have considered homeschooling but I doubt I have the patience. I had to pick him up from school for a doctors appointment on Monday. His teacher told me that he had homework. I fought with him Monday night, then all day Tuesday he was home because he had an EEG so before and after that I fought with him to do the homework. Lucky for him it snowed Wednesday (we live in Michigan) and school was cancelled. I fought with him all day Wednesday. I could get him to sit at the table but he'd just sit there staring into space or he'd get up and pick fights with his brother and sister. He finally got his homework done at 10:30 on Wednesday night. Thursday they had school and now they have a 4 day weekend for the Presidents Day Holiday. All day today I have been figting with him to do homework. That's why I could never handle homeschooling. After we hear from the neurologist I will consider switching schools but if it is NOT any form of autism we can't really put him in that kind of class. What is sad is he is really smart and gets good grades when he does his work. The problem is that his grades are severely affected by his incomplete work. My older son has Aspergers and does fine in a normal school setting but he was in special education for several years.

I do know about goodnights. I buy those. I just call them pull ups because they are the same thing. We switched to them a few years ago after he started wetting through the pullups.

My oldest son was tested for the absence seizures but they didn't find any problems. It is kinda sad really but I actually hope the neurologist finds something. There HAS to be a reason why he has these problems. Once we knew why my older son was different we found a way to deal with it and things are better (usually) but with Jake it just seems like a neverending battle.

Sounds rough, I have never heard of an aspie not being able to control himself like your youngest but if he wets the bed like that too I would imagine he just has no clue about any of it. If he could do anything at all I would suggest bladder stretching exercises but seeing as how he doesn't seem to be able to handle even that... My best advice to you right now is just hang in there with him and don't show that you are frustrated with him... that would be so negative

Homeschooling might still help though, if he can concentrate for 6 1/2 hours you just make an agreement with him saying your school day will be that long and in that time you will get all of your homework done and etc (which would be easier to do given the 1 on 1 attention he is given). Chances are if he is at all aspie that would make perfect sense to him and would be better able to do homework that way. Also do you really need to give him homework in a homeschool setting, I have often thought homework was quite pointless and it seems like he understands the material almost right way.

Your older sons story sounds quite good as for school. In terms of what he is doing outside of school, I think that he is just entering that whole testing limits phase... sadly like with it frequently is for aspies he is taking it to the extreme. Best bet there is to just try to punish him in a way that won't make him breakdown (though it doesn't seem like he has too much problem with that anyway) so that he can learn about consequences and all that horrible stuff! (sorry still am a bit childlike lol.)

PS I am the UOPHA so feel free to PM me sometime with any specific questions you might have for a goofy childlike aspie.

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"we never get respect ... never a fair trial
[swearing removed by lau] ... as long as we smile"
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Well, epilepsy would kind of fit (no pun intended ) with bladder and bowel control issues, wouldn't it? Does he seem aware at the moment he messes himself, or absolutely unaware (Could he be having an epileptic absence?)
I understand the need to know WHY, no matter what the answer implies.
Good luck, and remember one EEG doesn't exclude epilepsy.

He totally does't notice when he has accidents. Of course, After the accident he will deny it too. He likes to pretend it didn't happen.

Piece of advice, change your sig., it makes it look like asperger's is not a good thing, will make you very unpopular here.

_________________
"we never get respect ... never a fair trial
[swearing removed by lau] ... as long as we smile"
Im tired of smiling.

Vote for me in 2020

Sorry about that!! I definitely don't want to offend and there is nothing wrong with Aspergers at all! I actually find having an Aspie in the house very entertaining. He is the least boring person I have ever met.

Is that better?

Bamellis,
Your story is so very heartbreaking i feel for you. I have an aspie son who is 8 and very intelligent, he taught himself to read at 4 years. He is great in french and music and a great speller but he has a lot of trouble in math basically anything that requires a lot of thought. He has seizures in his sleep in which he will wet his pants but other than that i have no problem in that area, but he will hold if he is any where other than home to have his bowl movement. The teacher has called me because he looked so uncomfortable holding for hours. He is very obsessed with certain toys,blankets,teddy bears and books. Talks non stop, loves computer and video games. He is very headstrong, and never leaves the house only for school because i make him go. He does not associate at all. So i basically go to work thats it , i may even have to give up my job because i can't find anyone who will care for him. He is very difficult and aggressive at times a lot lately. I am honestly afraid to tell him no for fear of him flipping out at me and then pinching at kicking me, i know it is only going ot get worst when he gets older. But the funny thing is he can be as sweet as pie and he shows a lot of remorse for his actions and tells me he doesn;t know why he gets angry.

Well I finally had Jake's Neurologist appointment.

The first thing the doctor walked in he said "What's wrong with his hand?" I explained that it had been like that for a while and he was supposed to get an Echo because he has a heart murmur. He was looking at that for a while. He seemed really concerned about that and told me many times that he needs to see a cardiologist. He asked a bunch of questions and also noticed that Jake has a slight stumble when he walks. He told me that he thinks ADD or ADHD are very possible but he needs to know more about the heart murmur before he can give him a prescription.

As for the bathroom problems...... he wants to do more tests. He said it sounds alot like Tethered Cord Syndrome. He did some feeling around on his upper and lower back and asked Jake about the different pressure and how it felt. He think that is a very possible answer. He wants to do an MRI of the spine and a Cat scan. I looked it up and this is what I found... http://www.muhealth.org/~neuromed/tetheredcord.shtml Now we have to wait til after the Echo to do anything. That is scheduled for April 12 but the doctor wants his doctor to see if the can get it any sooner.

That's interesting. I've never heard of tethered cord syndrome. Hope that explains the problem.

My son was very hard to toilet train and still has minor accidents (he's 14). I've always thought that he wasn't sensing the need to go and that's why his timing was off. I asked him once what it feels like when he has to go to the bathroom and he said he knows when he feels quivers. I think he means like when you've held it in really long and you start feeling waves of discomfort. I tried to explain the earlier signs but I don't think he feel them at all.

What we did was have a schedule of times to go: when you wake up, after lunch, when you get home from school, after dinner and before bed. I think it's helped somewhat. Maybe you can do that in the meantime.

Thanks for the link. I'll be interested to hear what happens.

It's best to lay off worrying so much about the homework. It is only causing aggravation all around and it should be possible to arrange with the school to get less homework assigned. I think kids get too much homework and when they are home they should get time to just be kids.

Haven't heard of tethered cord syndrome but it makes sense that a child can't toilet train if they don't know when they have to go.

The problem is if he don't do the homework the teachers are constantly calling me. Last year he was so behind on homework that the school actually threatened to turn me in to protective services. I fight and fight but he is so stubborn. I agree that they send home way too much homework. It seems like every day he has at least 3 hours of homework. He get's home at 4:30 we eat dinner at 6:00 so that leaves no time for play or kid things. To make it worse the whole family joined Karate last summer and we go 2 days a week to that so on Karate days we are up until 11:00 doing homework.

A child in 8th grade should only be getting 1 hour's homework per night. I don't think the teachers can report you to child services if your son doesn't do his homework. They are just making empty threats. If they are so concerned about it, maybe they should let him do his homework in the school library.
If the teachers were doing their job properly, they wouldn't need to be giving out so much homework.