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Any other parents out there starting to think about college? My son is--as most of your children are, I'm sure--very bright and partly because of his anxiety issues, he actually does pretty well in school. He goes to an extremely competitive/rigorous school which is a bit much, but he is definitely on the path for college. My main concerns in helping him search for the right one are as follows:

1) We need something small. He attended a tiny charter school for middle school, which was a godsend because he had an automatic group of friends. With only 10-12 boys in your entire grade--that's it. Everyone gets invited to the paintball party and no one gets excluded. Now that he is in high school, he is lost. The ideal situation would be a small college that also has programs (I have seen some with more hand-holding that others--some with entire classes/forums/retreats for first year students).

2) Unfortunately, small usually translates into EXPENSIVE private college. This is a concern, and I think he would feel uncomfortable going to a school with a bunch of "trustafarians" or spoiled rich kids. I'm thinking the more selective schools would be good because a party school would definitely NOT be a good fit as he is an introvert that will be irritated by people who are not taking their studies seriously--but a selective school with some racial/socioeconomic diversity is preferable.

3) A rural setting is preferable because again, I think it would be less intimidating for just--general navigation purposes. I've done several college match quizzes online, but it' nice to get feedback from real humans when possible. I've found a few that definitely are worthy of consideration--College of Wooster and Carleton are two that spring to mind. Goucher is interesting but not rural. Cornell College is interesting but I can't seem to find out much about it from people who have actually attended. Kenyon is desirable for obvious reason but may have too much of a drug culture or be too wealthy/exclusive than the ideal. Would love to hear thoughts/experiences of other parents with kids going to or currently attending college.

As you can probably tell, I'm mainly interested in a supportive community environment as opposed to academic programs or formal psychological support, which he would probably be too embarrassed to seek out. Thanks!

I thought Goucher was an all girls school. Besides, Towson, MD is too close to Baltimore for my taste.

You might try Millersville University of PA in Millersville, PA. It's about a mile east of Lancaster, PA, right in the heart of PA Dutch Country. However, be prepared to spend a 27 hour day to get through the academics.

There's also Elizabethtown College in Elizabethtown, PA. It's affiliated with the Church of the Brethern, is pretty rigorous academically, and is close to Harrisburg, Lancaster and Hershey.

Elizabethtown College's sister school, Messiah College, is located close to Mechanicsburg, PA, home to to NavCIP, formerly the Naval Ship Parts Control Center and is pretty Rigorous. Ditto for Dickinson College, Located in Carlisle, PA. They're affiliated with the United Methodist Church, and is close to the U.S. Army War College and Carlisle barracks.

There's also Lebanon Valley College in Annville, PA, between Hershey and Lebanon, PA, also smack in the middle of PA Dutch Country. They're also affiliated with the United Methodist Church.

Then there's Gettysburg College. Need I say more about the borough of Gettysburg? Affiliated with the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, and located across U.S. 30 from The Lutheran Seminary at Gettysburg.

Also check out Franklin and Marshall College. It's located in the eastern End of Lancaster City, but is pretty selective and academically rigorous. F&M is also home to the Lancaster Theological Seminary, which is affiliated with the United Church of Christ.

Many state schools have smaller campuses - satellite campuses - and they are usually in smaller cities. There are also just smaller state schools in general - I went to one. They still had highly regarded programs but the student ratio was smaller, it was in a smaller city, and honestly they had some really great niche classes that fed my obsessions (like the three different Harry Potter based courses I was able to take). Private sized school, state-school cost.

Any idea what he wants to study? My son has toured and really liked Rensselear and Worcester, both are small poly techs.

Apply first and see if they offer financial aid.

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 06 Oct 2014, 2:33 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Plenty of people who attend "party schools" don't party. It's not mandatory.

Don't automatically count out party schools. I didn't go to one, but when I visited friends at party schools, I was floored by how aspie-friendly they could be (before I even knew what "aspie" was). The first night in town, I had no trouble finding parties and meeting girls. I got lots of little gestures of affection, like hugs, touches on the arm, close dancing, etc. A few girls even made out with me, also on the first night in town. By contrast, in the college I went to, I dated ONE girl in all four years. Four years! I wasn't even attracted to her, and all that happened was a couple of dry, uninspiring hugs in the few months we dated, if you could even call it "dating".

I went to a studious, academically advanced college. It was one of the top schools in my state, and in the top 25% in the nation. Not cheap, either. Its social life was nonexistent! It was like a high school with cigarettes. For the most part, you had to "bring your own" friends from the high school you went to. You had to be really socially skilled to find even one party. Although by my third year, I did start making friends in classes, most of those friendships didn't extend outside of class. Dating? Ha! Just reread the first paragraph.

TL;DR version: a party school isn't necessarily aspie-hostile, and a "good" school isn't necessarily aspie-friendly.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 28 Sep 2014, 9:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thanks, all! Meistersinger he's a devout atheist so not sure the religious schools would be ideal, though I realize not all schools with a religious history are religious, per se. Aspie1: really appreciate your perspective and you've got a point! Options and extroverts can come in handy in the romance dept.! Moms--yeah, my local state school has 60,000 students so I probably have a weird bias against them and should visit some others that aren't quite so large. Love Rensselaer! Not sure about the 75% male population for my hetero beta, though.

Hubby and I went to a notorious party school (West Virginia University) and neither did nor came into contact with much partying. There were plenty of partiers in our freshman and sophomore classes, but most of them either serioused up or washed out by junior year.

I didn't mind the "party school" atmosphere of WVU. It made for interesting people-watching (and pretty much guaranteed that I would be totally ignored quietly toking a bowl in the park all by myself on a Thursday night).

I DID mind the hugeness of attending the main campus. Going from a tiny rural high school to, well, THAT was overwhelming to say the least (and I was only about 30 miles from home and already familiar with the town and the campus). To go from being one of about 450 kids in six grade to being one of 40,000 "young adults," from being able to go back to my ninth grade Lit teacher and ask for help with a personal problem to not being able to discuss classwork issues with current professors, was a miserable and massive culture shock.

If you can't afford the small, private, academically rigorous colleges (by all means, don't discount the possibility of scholarships-- to maximize that, apply early)-- or for that matter, even if you CAN afford them-- please give some serious consideration to small, public, local community colleges.

I know. They're the bottom of the barrel. "You Want Fries With That?" U. I have to do dinner right now, so I'll just say, "Not necessarily," and get back to that later.

Some notes on cost:

1) Private schools often have large endowments. My husband did not have to pay a cent to attend an Ivy League school; what he says is simply, "it never hurts to ask." We've also been told that Harvard, for example, will offer financial aid even to families with $200,000 a year in earnings; if your child gets into a private school, they often will help you figure out how to pay for it.

2) Several articles have come out claiming that private school can cost less than a public college. Why? First is the endowment difference. But second is that students usually graduate from private colleges in the standard four years. With state schools, it can take much longer, often due to factors outside of the student's control, like required courses that are too impacted to get into. My husband was never turned down for a course he needed; they did whatever it took to staff the courses students needed. Those of us who went to state schools, however, often had to wait.

I recommend touring and then applying to a variety of schools.

I also wonder if many of our kids wouldn't really be better off doing community college and then transferring. I'm not sure my son is ready yet to be off on his own - and he isn't sure, either. But knowing the transition is going to be difficult, he would rather burrow in and be in one place for all 4 years, not having to transfer. It all still has to be decided; we'll get the applications in, run all the financial aid data, and see what happens.

This is my hope/plan for my son. I would probably want him to consider it even if he were NT, because it just saves SO much money and you end up with the same degree in the end.

I'm not being snobby about community college, it's just that--after 4 years of attending an extremely rigorous magnet high school where he's already taking college level courses (some of which are AP classes he'll actually get college credit for)--I think he'd be really bored at a community college. I DID want to share some things with other parents from my hours of research though....for those who can afford private school or want to pursue scholarships:

1) Southern Vermont (and others) participate in something called the College Steps program. I don't think my son needs or wants this level of support but some parents here might find this very helpful: http://www.collegesteps.org/about-csp/

2) Oxford College at Emory University--We will definitely be applying here, it sounds like the best of both worlds. Students have the option of doing their first 2 years at Emory OR at the small Oxford campus...so it's like a community college but more challenging and they get to have the dorm experience and they're pretty much guaranteed a spot at Emory and can move up with their friends from Oxford. I really like this model a lot.

3) Carleton College and College of Wooster--both (but especially Carleton) sound like they have lots of students on the spectrum--it's just a hunch from reading student reviews on platforms like unigo etc.