Good update...very proud of my daughter!

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Awhile ago, I shared that my daughter felt like I wasn't "on her side" because I always jumped in to trying to problem solve when she told me about social issues with her friends. With everyone here's help and some feedback from my daughter, I have been working on "comforting first" and problem solving second. It seems to be working well. Thanks!

I wanted to share a couple of new things because I am so proud of her!

First, I kept asking her if she had met with the school psychologist yet. She has been meeting 1:1 and in small groups for social skills work for the past 3 years (not on an IEP, as part of RTI) . She kept telling me she hadn't had a meeting yet, so I arranged to meet with the school psychologist. She explained that there was a mix-up and she would schedule my daughter as soon as possible, but then I asked her what she thought of not scheduling her. We had a discussion and decided to try removing the support, but to make it clear to my daughter and her teacher that she could have it back whenever she wanted. All she needed to do was ask. I talked it over with my daughter and she said she felt like she was doing better this year and she would like to "try by myself."

Next, she had an issue with the two girls she plays with the most. As you may recall, she has a tendency to interject negative intentions on others, even when they probably don't exist. When we were discussing the incident (after copious amounts of comfort were given ), I asked her if she thought her friends hurt her feelings on purpose, or if she thought they were really not thinking about her feelings and hurt them by accident.

She said she didn't know.

I was SO HAPPY she said this! I know it may sound strange to...well, pretty much everyone on the planet...but for her to NOT assume negative intentions is HUGE for her. I feel like this is such a huge step in her social development and it will open her up to learning some new skills as hopefully she will be able to learn to consider multiple perspectives and motivations.

Then one day I asked her how it was going with her friends and she told me she had a conversation with them and explained that she was the kind of kid who needed more alone time than most kids, and if she seemed to be ignoring them, not to feel bad, but to just give her some space and she will feel better faster. She has never, ever advocated for herself in this way. She also told her friends "If I don't meet your eyes, that is another way of me saying I am overwhelmed, only without words. Please give me space if I don't meet your eyes."

Lastly, after a couple of weeks, she said she thinks she still needs to see the school psychologist. She admitted she is feeling very overwhelmed in the classroom and that she feels a lot of "pressure" from the other students. She feels she would be better able to cope with it if she had a grown up she could talk to about it at school.

I told her how proud I am of her...proud for realizing that she doesn't always know what her friends are thinking, proud of her for talking to her friends and letting them know what she needs, and proud of her for realizing she still needs some help at school.

That is really awesome that she is becoming so self-aware.

That is awesome news. Thanks for updating, it is really great to hear the victories as well as the struggles.

I echo the above. Sticking with your guns does have its virtues, after all.

Fantastic! Don't we have the best kids in the world? They work so hard, when give a solid chance and some support, don't they?

Where's the like button? That's awesome!

Just when you least expect it.....wow. They show us how great they are inside! And what a wonderful mom you've been to help her get here😀

Thanks, everyone!

It's nice to have people who "get it." These probably sound like small things to parents of NT's, but this is a big deal for her. Compared to her brother at this age, she has always been less self-aware, and less aware of the feelings and perceptions of others. It is so nice to see her make some progress!

Way to go, girls!! !!

I totally get it. I was so happy and proud when my 4, almost 5yr told me he was mad( we took away a toy because it was time for ABA to start), I almost cried. I even called my parents with the good news.

I think this is among the many blessings of parenting a SN kid...you get to find joy in every day things that most people don't even notice.

The first time my daughter got into an argument with another kid at school, her 1:1 called me at work to tell me. Nobody at work got why I was so happy about it that I was bragging LOL! We were so excited because at the time she had never stuck up for herself at all. Having her argue, when at one point I didn't even know if she would talk, was THE BEST!