Am I wrong to think this way?

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My parents always had/have high expectations for me and pushed me to do things on my own and I was also an independent child who liked to do things for myself, but they also didn't expect me to be normal. My parents are BAP and BAP++, so they don't care about normalcy like NT parents do and I dont' think they have rigid conceptions of what normalcy is, and I have noticed that NT parents have much more difficulty getting past the not normal and never going to be normal thing, while BAP or AUT parents generally consider it fine that their children won't ever be normal, as long as their children are happy. But I would warn against not pushing the children to communicate, develop EF skills, do their farking homework and turn it in, go out in public, learn to do your laundry, etc etc etc, as I don't think that watching Star Trek all day at home as an adult is a good lifestyle and not the key to true happiness in life for anyone.

willaful
thank you
I used TV and books as an escape as a kid

Sweetleaf

If a child is in true distress find another tactic like using a lesson that involves an established interested but doing nothing a all is just as bad. One Autistic child I knew in my church was distressed sitting with the large primary group. He'd often be isolated with his own teacher. I realized all he needed was a little bit of play dough to squeeze during the lesson and he'd sit calmer and be happier. He didn't need out of the situation he needed a distress-er.

There needs to be balance. Not everything has to be therapy, and there should be fun things as well.

A lot of Autistic and even typical children truly suffer because there parents just let them be to watch TV and play video games without any expectations.
They end up with no skills, no real joy, and no experiences.
Temple Grandin mentioned this which is why she hates video games.
I like and even love video games, TV, but used rewards instead of entitlement.

momsparky
I sometimes have used TV for destressing but not video games. Video games I try to stick in the reward category.
My child has no grit and needs a reward for a lot of things.
For de-stressing we also do meditation and short time outs.
I found extremely short meditations on you tube some only a minute. I gave an app to motivate to even try to meditate.
My child now even requests some meditations and will even choose to do ten minute meditations.
There is a lot I have to learn to help teach the skills needed. I read these boards more than I post to learn more ways I can teach and learn.

My point of view is different. Between us, my dh and I have raised a lot of kids, and different marriages mean different parenting styles. We are both very accepting and have the attitude that the OP states. Truly, all that matters is that kids feel your love, are happy (in the big picture, not every minute or even every day LOL) and know you have their back. We have learned that all human beings have an inherent need to contribute to the world. Parents need to support them to build on their talents, skills, and strengths, to discover what they have to give to the world. They also need to help them to be good people, to be aware of their values as well as their needs, to become as emotionally resiliant as possible (very hard for a child on the spectrum), and to find ways to live by their principles while respecting others. Why is this important? Not because they have to fit in (leaders and artists rarely do), but because these are, in my opinion, what makes us fully human.
That said, there is nothing wrong with following and having his back rather than pushing him or pulling him. A lot of parents of kids on the spectrum have very high expectations, and shifting to an idea of supporting children to reach their potential is much healthier. You and your spouse can probably agree on *one* thing: Use every opportunity to support learning! I don't know if you said how old your child is, and this makes a difference. When your child is younger, play is learning, and if you are playing with him, you also have lots of opportunities to teach. Talk to him about Star Wars, about his toys, and play with him. (Our best teaching moments have been commenting on TV characters... that stretches theory of mind!) If your child is 7 or above, those teaching moments will be a combination of life skills ("Time for your shower. Can you check if everything is in the tub?" "What time do you want XXX to come over, and how long do you think he should stay?" "Could you cut the carrots for me? I'm way behind making dinner and know you're hungry" or "Sorry, I didn't have time to wash your jeans... Let me show you how the washing machine works so you won't have to wait for me next time" etc.) and academic schools (what most people call helping with homework or homeschool instruction can be much much more demanding for parents of kids on the spectrum).
What I got from your message, though, OP, is that you spend lots of loving time with your child, and that is invaluable... Definitely associated with good outcomes for kids on the spectrum.