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Although we were happy with the school in Caleb's first 5 years we have grown very critical of his treatment in 4th grade. Seems they have become increasingly impatient with Caleb. We bought him a near 500 dollar drum set and after only three lessons in band the teacher e mailed and said she feels he would be better off to concentrate on his academics, She said he didn't play the right keys when prompted. My wife, who has an excellent ear, said she thought Caleb has some musical ability. He sings beautifully. We're thinking "of course he plays the wrong key, that's why he's in lessons." She has not tried alternative ways to teach him and appears she has given up on him already. We have noted this impatiences with him in other areas as well. , Last Christmas we bought 15 copies of "The Reason I Jump" and had Caleb give each teacher he is connected to a copy of the book. We had one teacher who acknowledged that she read it and thanked us. We just feel that the teachers need some guidance in teaching an autistic child. I have considered writing a letter to the Elem. principle and suggest some training or a speaker SOMETHING!! I want to be very sensitive with the words and need to insure I don't alienate anyone in any way. I am asking for you to help me as I'm sure that others have had similar problems with a school. Also, if anyone could send me a copy of what they wrote (via email), it would greatly be appreciated. I am just not sure how to handle this. Paul

If I were you I would insist that your music teacher continue with Celeb's music lessons and if she is not happy with that, only then would I write a letter to the Elim. principle, threatening to withdraw him from school.

Hi, Victorytea! First - deep breath. I know how panicky you must feel, but gather yourself and give yourself time to be calm and think clearly.

Public or private school? I looked through your earlier posts, did you have any luck finding other parents of special needs kids in your area? (Easter Seals was a good suggestion.)

If it's a public school, even the band teacher should be aware of and following your son's IEP (does he have an IEP? If not, that's the place to start - send a request in writing to your school that he be evaluated in all areas of concern.) If there are particular strategies that work for him, you need to get those included in the IEP so that everyone knows what they are supposed to do.

If it's a private school, they often don't have the resources they should to handle kids with special needs. You can request accommodations, so some of what I mentioned above applies, but specialized teaching or therapies should come from the public school district (sometimes they will offer services for kids who are privately or home-schooled)

You might find some teaching strategies you think will work for your son, and email them to the teacher. So, in response to the band teacher's email you could say "Thank you, yes it can be very difficult for Caleb to follow a prompt, since he sometimes takes a moment to process words (or whatever the difficulty is.) Maybe if you tried a visual strategy like color-coding the keys, that would help (or another strategy that works") Here are some resources http://aspergerspresentation.wikispaces ... Strategies
or http://studentsfirstproject.org/wp-cont ... Sheets.pdf

MomSparky is right the band/music teacher should know about and follow the IEP.

But that doesn't mean it happened.

Have you listened to the band/ music teacher's concerns so you can fill in any missing information? I've had calls about DDs bad behavior and work refusal because she's quite capable and is refusing this that of the other thing.......ummm, not actually refusing, can't and teacher did not realize.

I've had good luck saying that yes something is a problem. And that this teacher or that teacher or service provider has been so helpful doing thus and such.

Frequently the teacher wants to be part of the team that's effective.

They don't take well to direct suggestions from me. But sometimes even the suggestion that maybe they might talk to so and so about it because I don't know how but she's solved things so nicely......

Art and foreign language teachers as well as music teachers sometimes are left out of the loop.

But if she is a jerk about it I would not push it. This is your young child and he probably won't thrive under someone who doesn't want him around.

In your district, do all children have access to band lessons or is it only for kids with a tested aptitude? I ask this b/c where I lived when I was a kid, all kids took a test in 3rd grade to see if we had aptitude. (We were tested whether we were interested, or not. It was not optional, and no parental notice was given) Then those who did well enough were sent home permission slips and whatever else for band. (I was not interested, nor had aptitude, so beyond that I couldn't say much about it.)

If it is aptitude based, you will have a harder time than if it is something every child is entitled to. If it is aptitude-based then you may have to prove with accommodations, your child can do it. If it is something every child in your district is entitled to, it should be a simpler matter, and hopefully you can just let the teacher know you think it will help your son to continue with band. The teacher may just be trying to make things easier for him/herself.

Edited for typos and the usual syntax etc. issues.

I had 2 responses to my ad that I ran for 2 weeks. One from a man from a far away county who wanted to do the same thing and 1 from a nearby lady who's son was now in the Navy. She was very interesting to talk to and did relate how she addressed the school. She was ,obviously, a very forceful person and related that her son had difficulty understanding unless he could walk around. Darned if she didn't convince the teachers to allow him to do that. Caleb has told us that when he uses a finger to roll, curl his hair- he is told to stop!! Another thing I I intend to address. Anyways, my aim to start a support group never happened. Paul

I have no idea if it is aptitude based or not but i will certainly look into it. i did not know about that- Paul

Does he have an IEP? Is this public school?

I have approached the administration at my children's school many times over the years. Your concerns, in my opinion, are definitely worthy of having a conversation with the principal and/ or vice principal. The key is to be very polite and approach it like " I have some concerns this year and was hoping to have a conversation about how we can work together to make sure we are all on the same page about meeting his particular needs so that he thrives this year." Then, when you meet, calmly go through the list of your concerns. For example : " my child feels like he is being yelled at a lot this year for twirling his hair and other coping strategies he is using to focus and feels he is being singled out for his differences. I am wondering if the teacher received a copy of his IEP (or 504, whatever) and is aware of his special needs? How can we work together to sort this out?" And so on. Make sure you are calm and listen well to their perspective before you react, and treat it like a team effort.

We don't have a copy of Caleb's IEP-should we. Exactly what does it tell? He does have one. Paul

Yes, you should have been given a copy of it, or instructions on how to request a copy depending on the procedures where you are. Your handbook on rights and procedures they hopefully gave you should tell you how long you had to request one without them charging you copying fees.

I would see about requesting one, pronto so you know what legal accommodations and services for your child are in there.

We got a copy of his IEP, thank you! I have written a letter to the elementary teacher and used many of the ideas from the parents who replied to our plea for help. Thank You all. I will post the results of that letter as soon as I know. This is such a wonderful site- thanks again. Paul

Stims aren't always positive things. I teach an autistic child on a private tuition basis and I don't allow him to stim in class, because the more he stims, the more he needs to and it reduces his concentration and performance. I have asked the parents to get him to do a physical activity before the lesson instead to reduce his physical energy and therefore his nervous system bothering him, but your son's teacher may be doing it for the same reason- if he is not working when he is twirling his hair, and is when he isn't, it would make sense to tell him to stop.