Is there something wrong with this program in your opinion?

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There's a mum at my son's school who is trying to get a program cancelled and I don't understand why. Just wondering if someone can give me insight.

The program is for children in special ed at lunch hour- parents sign up for it though- nobody's child has to be in the program. They get assigned a "buddy" at recess who interacts with them. It's a "peer" who volunteers to do it, and is taught how to interact with them and makes sure that they don't go out of bounds, and alerts a teacher if they need help, etc.

The mum who is trying to get it cancelled is arguing in her "campaign" that it's demeaning to the children to assume that they can't make "real friends".

Well, my son is in the program and he likes the program, so I'm partial to it. I think it's very beneficial to him because the truth is that he is still at a level where he needs facilitated interaction- he needs a peer who understands that they're talking to someone who has difficulty interacting. It has allowed him to be more part of the recess- before he had an adult aide and he just spent the time with no kids. My son's buddies are GREAT. And the program is NOT mandatory. I totally understand why it's not for everyone, but I don't understand why anyone would want it cancelled for all...what am I missing?

If it's not mandatory, I don't see what the issue is. Maybe she's worried that her kid, particularly, will find it demeaning? I find that a lot of times, in my kids school, that parents who don't like something for their own kid feel a need to try and get rid of it because they don't want to have to handle their own kid's feelings about it.

My daughter had a girl assigned to her in 2nd grade. She actually became a "real" friend. When I was a kid, I was often paired up with SN kids...I guess I had a natural knack and I was always very compassionate toward them and immune to the mean words of other kids. I enjoyed this a great deal. It made me feel good about myself and I felt like I was doing something helpful for someone else.

IMHO, it sounds like either this mom has a kid who doesn't really need the facilitation and she is taking offense on the behalf of people who she probably thinks need her to take offense on their behalf--which, one could argue, is offensive in and of itself--or she has a kid who does need the facilitation and she is in some kind of denial.

Peer mentoring programs, when run correctly and properly supervised, are beneficial to both the kid on the receiving end and the kid on the giving end. Honestly, if I were in your shoes, I think I might feel compelled to start a campaign on my own. If she doesn't want her kid to participate, that is fine, but she should not be allowed to determine what opportunities are available to other peoples' children. She should also think of the possibility that the kids who are trained into these roles actually become ambassadors for SN kids and will likely see things that are not seen by teachers and people in a position of authority. This is particularly helpful to kids on the spectrum who are often bullied in very subversive ways and only when teachers are not present to see it.

Best I can guess is she is afraid the school will hold it against them if she chooses to opt her kid out, when it comes to assessing skills at IEP time. IEP meetings are very intense and maybe they blame her for her kids deficits, are pushing for the program, she doesn't believe in it, and feels they will get off her case if the whole thing is eliminated.

If so, that is very selfish to try to get an entire program eliminated b/c she doesn't want them to keep encouraging her to use it.

Either that or she is just a busybody and feels strongly about it being bad, and has decided she should get to make that decision for everyone.

If we were still in PS, we would have signed up for that in a second. Kids who sit alone at lunch are targets. Even sitting with a fake friend is safer IMO.

Wow. Sounds like her kid doesn't need it. Otherwise I can't imagine that strange line of thinking

Honestly I wish my daughters school had this program. I've asked and asked and no, nothing like it. Not even a lunch group. Because you know what? My kid really can't make friends. She would benefit from it, big time...

It seems really selfish of her to want to eliminate an entire program because she feels it's insulting to her child.

Seems like a program with a lot of potential, and it sounds like your child is benefitting. Are invitation sent to specific kids, or is it an "open" enrollment kind of thing? The only thing I can guess is that the mom is offended (or thinks her child is offended) because of an invite to join the group?

If it's not mandatory and it's beneficial, I think it's fine. But perhaps there is something in the way children are invited into the group that could be offensive or inappropriate.

If the kids involved like it and don't feel exploited I don't think it should be eliminated. That said, here's an article from the other side of the issue http://ollibean.com/2014/02/05/assigned ... s-outcome/

I think the something wrong to this person might be that these programs underline differences, rather than hiding them. They're a good idea for helping people understand and learn from each other, but yes, condescending to the children being friended. I just think the alternative of being completely out of sight or ignored in plain sight is worse.

InThisTogether: it's nice that they became real friends. I think this program has made a huge difference in bullying actually. Previously he had an aide at lunch but not his main aide and she didn't really give a crap- she'd just be sitting semi-nearby (but out of earshot) watching him to make sure he didn't leave the premise (he wanders). Bullying was completely off her radar. There's been a decrease and I attribute it partly to the change in recess arrangements.

ASDMommy: that's possible about the IEP. I hadn't thought of that.

Kawena: The letter was sent out to everyone because it had both info for becoming a buddy and getting a buddy, so I assume anyone could sign up. It didn't say anything on the permission slip about requirements to get a buddy, just what the program's goals are.

PlainsAspie: Well that's sad. I would have thought that if the child has that level of social awareness that they wouldn't be optimal candidates anyway though. I'm pretty sure my son doesn't feel that way- his social awareness appears to be very low, which is actually part of the problem, especially with bullying. The buddies in this program have a year-long commitment and they are not getting anything even community service hours, which I think also improves it slightly. I wonder if there's a way to improve it more...

The more I think about it, the more I don't get why she is so concerned with others using the program when both parent and child like it and she doesn't have sign her kid up. If the teachers and administrators are gonna do anything punitive or retaliatory at the IEP over it, wouldn't they be just as wrathful, if not more so, because of her role in shutting the whole thing down?

I get why she's against it for her child, but she doesn't seem to understand that not every child is the same.
My son is in a program like the one you describe, and he is very happy with it. He is not embarrassed to have an assigned buddy, because frankly he doesn't have enough social awareness to see it that way. And if it weren't for the program, he would not have anyone with whom to eat lunch or play at recess.
I think that lady needs to mind her own business.

Sometimes people take all this political correctness way, way too far.

The program is optional and while I see the potential for the issues the parent is concerned about, that alone doesn't disqualify it; it all depends on the school and the kids and how it is presented. It sounds to me like it has been a good thing, so why let concerns that haven't come to pass ruin it?

Our district didn't have that program in elementary school, but it has had something sort of similar in the high school, and at the high school level it DOES get weird and a little demeaning, IMHO*, but even then you can pull the kids out. The important thing is full disclosure, so that parents can make wise choices for their unique child.

*The peers brought into were good kids and seemed to have genuine affection for those they were supposed to mentor but, sorry, my kid isn't someone else's service project and the reality was that the peers had about nothing in common with the IEP kids and there was little potential for real friendship. That is easily contrasted with elementary school where both quirky and NT kids still tend to have many shared interests and, thus, the peers aren't going to see this as a service project, but more as a chance to make new friends.

Unfortunately, the practical reality is that other than this imperfect program, there may not be any contact at all. I don't think that's better. Some people might make it about privacy, too. I disagree, I think no one's better off if everyone who is different is kept away from the "normal" kids.