Looking for more meltdown advice...

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So, the meltdowns have gotten a lot worse in the past few days. Pretty much any time my seven year old is asked to do something he doesn't feel like (like homework), or asked to stop something he is doing, he has a meltdown. He has been trying to hit, kick and bang his head into me. On the way home from school, I had to stop him from running into traffic. He threatened to jump on the train tracks when he didn't get his way. He came home and began throwing things.

I think these things are related: 1. He has strep throat (started antibiotics yesterday). 2. Kids in his class are picking on him in subtle ways that are confusing to him, and outright mean ways too. 3. His birthday is next week.

He is not usually violent.

I don't know if or how any of you can offer any advice. I am still waiting for an official diagnosis from his evaluator. Hopefully, I can get my insurance to cover some therapy afterwards.

The first thing that comes to mind here is that if he has strep throat and these issues are just now occurring as he has strep throat, it may be futile to do anything about it, because the only real fix is him recovering from strep throat. Is he going to school? My son had strep throat a few years ago and he was really sick and very tired- he definitely did not go to school.

The second thing that comes to mind is are you sure they are all meltdowns? I'm wondering if if it's due to not wanting to do something that maybe it's a tantrum. My understanding about the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum is that meltdowns are not fixable by "giving in" whereas tantrums are. With meltdowns, it's like once it starts, you can hand them 10 boxes of cookies and they'll still keep going, and they can't help it. Tantrums, you give cookie and they stop. If you say "ok fine, you don't have to do homework" will he be happy?

As for meltdowns themselves, we are nowhere near fixing this problem so take my advice with a grain of salt, but I'm going to write my "findings".
I think there are kind of 3 stages of meltdowns.
Stage 0- before anything happens. Stage 1- right before the meltdown. Stage 2- Meltdown.

In Stage 0, you can do the most. This is where you look for triggers and try to solve problems before they occur. With homework, I would start by trying to figure out what causes it. If the child is verbal, ask. Maybe he won't have any insight, but maybe he will, so you might as well ask. Then, some possibilities would be:
-Maybe he is overwhelmed after school so he needs an hour break between school and homework. Conversely, maybe giving him a break means more transitions, so it's better to do homework right when he gets home.
-Maybe he gets overwhelmed by seeing 3 worksheets, so maybe it would help if I give him one worksheet at a time. Or maybe even cut out the questions and just give him one question at a time.
-Maybe he needs a timer and he can do homework for 10 mins, then get a break.
-Maybe he needs a checklist so he can see how far into his homework he is.
Those are the kinds of things I'd think.

In Stage 1, you're trying to prevent it once it is imminent. So with my kids, I can tell when they are about to have a meltdown. My younger son, for instance, gets louder, he is harder to engage, he starts doing weird things like lying on the floor, maybe even hitting me. So when that starts, we have developed strategies (which can always use improvement…!) for mitigating it. We use "cues". We use the word "time out" (and not in a "Supernanny- go sit on the naughty step" way) and we have a room designated for time outs. It's not a punishment; it's more a calming strategy. The room doesn't have *much stimulus. We also use "calm your body" because that's something the OT says . A weighted vest sometimes help. Stuff like that.

In Stage 2, I have no clue what you can do then. As far as I know, there is nothing you can do. It's just damage control then, really. I do have that sensory room as we call it, that I send them to, so the damage is hopeful minimised, but otherwise let it run its course.

Not sure if that's at all helpful, but that's how I think of/ deal with it. I wish you luck.

*Edited to fix sentence.

Thanks WelcomeToHolland,

He was already in the midst of a meltdown when he was threatening to jump on the tracks when he didn't get his way, if that makes sense. He was getting really frustrated because he didn't understand the rules of a game he was playing with my older son while we were on the subway. He then started yelling, crying and flailing on the train. I told them to take a break from playing the game and had to carry him off the train. On the platform, he was screaming that he was still playing it. When I said "not now" he threatened to go on the tracks. But, all of this was after the meltdown was already in motion. He does have tantrums when he doesn't get his way, but they are not as hard to control or redirect.

He is going to school. He was diagnosed by the school nurse, and she said he could return today. The schools here are very strict about attendance. But, I may keep him home tomorrow. He never had a fever with this Strep. He kept saying he had a headache, and he had swollen glands- but no fever. He has a great immune system and tends to knock things out quickly and not get as sick as most kids would.

Usually, he is pretty good about doing his homework. I do give him a long break between homework and school. This is why I thought it might be related to having Strep- it's not his norm to make it a big issue. He also seems to get anxious around his birthday every year.

It's really hard to try and prevent a meltdown after school because we have to go on a crowded subway, he usually has to go to the bathroom, and usually has had a bad experience with other kids all day. Plus, he's not feeling 100% right now. But, at home, I do try my best. I really wish I could make a sensory room in our apartment. We don't have the room. But, I can maybe try and use some go to calming strategies. I think a weighted vest might be good for him. I also keep thinking he would love a rocking chair.

Thanks for the advice. I think I will just let him stay home tomorrow.

Do you have anything for him for on the subway like noise-cancelling headphones? We ride public transit too and those are very helpful. If he benefits from deep pressure, one thing that helps my son anyway, is to squeeze his arms.

But once he's going in public, i think unfortunately all there is to do is hope for the best.

I had a really tough time in high school, silly putty and some stripped fabric that I could rub between my fingers and consintrait on normally seemed to help me...

Thanks WelcomeToHolland and Ronnie47,

I will try noise cancelling headphones, I'm not sure I can get him to wear them. He refuses to wear anything he doesn't have to, like even a hat on a freezing day. But, maybe he would. I could definitely have silly putty and other fidgety stuff on hand, though. I will do that. He has a squeezy stress ball at school, and that helps him. He does seem to like deep pressure, too.