Dealing with school!! !

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[b][i] Hello, Im new to the sight and I have a thousand questions?? Ill ask the one that we are having issues with right now. I have a 15 yr old Daughter that was diagnosed in Dec. Always new she was different from daY one. I worked with her alot cause I was her mother and that was my duty. Lower grade were O.K. but it really started when she had to switch to middle school TOTAL DISASTER. I home schooled her 6,7 and half of 8th grade. Lots of one on one scared to ask a question if she didnt understand she just wouldnt do it. Second semester of 8th grade she flunked everything teachers were saying she was in another world and wouldnt talk to anyone. Worked with her over the summer and then she went to high school. I could see her anxiety building the first day by the third day she was hid out in the bathroom in a full fledged anxiety attack. Do other aspis deal with alot of anxiety? She hates change! Was on homebound so a teacher came to our home. Just started back to school in a EH class doing o.k. going just half a day. She tested out with above average intelligance. But was way below in socializam. My question is are your kids in a regular class room setting or are they in a special class of some sort? They are wanting sara to gradually go into a classroom setting. I myself dont see it happening it causes to much anxiety for her. Im more concerned with her education and for her to get it she has to have that one on one. Please give me some input on what I should do and expect. Thank you

I'm sorry, I am of no help. My 12-y.o. son has never been to school and likely never will go to public school. I can see him doing very well at university, though.

He says, School doesn't exist!

Peony

Hi ordene,

Anxiety is a big problem for my kid too. He couldn't do reg ed because of the pace, class size and transition difficulties.

He's currently in a part-time learning support class in the public middle school. All of his academics are in the same classroom with the same teacher except for specials where he goes with the reg ed kids (and that's even a struggle for him). 6th grade has 1 teacher and 2 aides for appx. 6-8 kids. 7th/8th grades are combined and has 1 teacher and 2 aides for appx. 8-12 kids. 12 is the max allowed. Social skills training, OT and speech are integrated in the program. He's doing great there and has made some nice friends.

I'm not sure Sara's needs are as great as M's but my district has programming that is less restrictive. I don't know how flexible your district is but there are lots of options today (aides, resource rooms, specialized classrooms and any combination of them). Each school district and each program is different so I would definitely take a look at them before I signed off on it.

Have you shared the dx with the school and does she have an IEP already? What alternatives do they offer? It does sound like she's really stressed and I think I would look to modify her environment.

Our son is younger and does well in public school, but it has been an uphill battle. One of the keys is teaching him coping skills. Since his dx we have been able to get an IEP in place and the school has been very supportive.

From my experience, and I will admit it is limited, one of the things we as parents must do is teach our children how to survive in social situations. Your daughter's above average intellect can be a big help in this area. Change in routine or environment is stressful for anyone. Our Aspy kids need to realize there is a broader world beyond the confines of their homes. Gently but firmly we must lead them into this new and sometimes threatening environment. I am 57, my son is 10, I don't know how much longer I will be here to help him.

When he was 5 our son was climbing on our porch railing. My wife wanted to drag him off and protect him. I said let him climb. She said , what if he falls? I looked down, determined that the short drop wouldn't damage him seriously and answered, then he will learn not to do it again. We must let our children climb!

Look at the birds. They teach their young necessary survival skills and push them out of the nest then are gone. We will be gone someday too.

son's anxiety levels were terrible for a long time....finally got him on anti-anxiety meds which have made a world of difference for him....hubby takes anti=anxiety meds also, and has mixed results....somedays the meds just dont' seem to work as well for him

All I can say is YOU will have to deal with any bullying.

Whenever there is huge anxiety I would suspect there is a bully behind it either harassing or making fun of your child. It is a HUGE problem and bullying happens in middle school alot more than in other grades. Also some teachers are as bad as bullies and have heard from other mothers that the teacher will make fun of the autism child in front of the class.

I would also suspect it would be very difficult to go from homeschooling to school. At least in the lower grades you learn all the other students, learn how to interact or learn who to avoid. But throw one into mainstream school in mid-stream and they have no coping abilities to deal with the new environment. Also the other kids see them as peculiar for showing up in middle school and having been homeschooled earlier. Middle schoolers are like wolves and can sniff out those that are different then they torture the different ones. Can you just keep homeschooling her?

My daughter has always gone to school and always in a regular classroom. However, as they move up in grade, starting in middle school life starts getting much more social and much more socially demanding. This is where we have trouble. She is in 7th grade now, and the anxiety is getting worse. I do want to see her stay in school, and am working very hard to have acommodations made. So far we have a study hall, and she has the oppotunity to take a social out. A Social Out is where she is simply allowed to excuse herself from class and leave the room to regroup for a minute or two. She still doesn't always use this on her own, and her aide sometimes has to prompt her by asking if she needs to go get a drink. The idea however, is being allowed to say please excuse me, and go out of the room. It helps to build trust when it's immediately accepted by whatever teacher. Sometimes as long as she knows she isn't trapped, it helps.

Ordene, how's Sara doing? Has the school done her IEP yet?

An Emotionally Impaired class is not a good place for an Aspie. They are too vunerable to the socially savvy EI (EH) kids.
Has anyone suggested an anti-anxiety medication. My son is on Buspar and it has done wonders for his anxiety. He is mainstreamed full time. He also homeschooled for middle school and just returned to public school for 9th grade.

Hi my son has just been diagnosed with AS and his anxiety about school, or more to the point having friends in school is one of the main things we'd noticed about him. He goes from one dilema to another about his appearance because he feels he doesn't fit in or look right, even though he looks just like all the other kids.

He has one friend who calls on him at home sometimes and we try to encourage the friendship as much as we can. Things in the UK seem to move real slow and although we have a dx school haven't officially been informed. They have been good in that a pastoral carer is seeing Liam and agreed for him not to have to worry about homework at the moment and he has a card to show if he feels the need to get out of a lesson.

I am learning day by day and just using my instincts as whether to push him to go to school or just let him have the day off. It feels like he is trying not to give in to his anxieties and my heart goes out to him. The days he doesn't go in is when he says he feels full of aggression.

His self-confidence and self esteem is non-existant, will he have to go through his whole life feeling like this, sometimes he says he feels depressed but then the next day he seems ok again, could puberty be making things more difficult?

My son does not qualify for any special ed classes, so he is mainstream with the rest of the students. He does deal with anxiety, he hates changes in his schedule and he would rather stay at home. You didnt say if your child had an IEP or 504 plan?? The 504 plan has helped my son out a ton. He is in Middle school with 7 different classes. He is able to leave each class 5 minutes early to get to his locker without all the crowds in the hall. He also has a free pass to the office that he can use any time he is feeling stressed out. He has only used this once, but its nice for me to know its there. Also I decided that P.E. would be a nightmare and so he is a teachers aid (in the library) for one class because he needed one more class. He loves being in the library and helps her put books away. Hope that helps.
I also spent a few days before school started, walking him from class to class and to his locker. Just so he would feel comfortable. I introduced him to each of his teachers and talked about his 504 plan with them. When his classes changed at the next quarter he said I didn't need to go show him anything.

My son has only just had a dx so nothing has been put in place at school, other than what I have asked for, he does have a time out card which his teachers say he is using very sensibly, I have an appointment with a link nurse (someone who works with me and then goes to the school to put strategies in place) for the first time this week.

I am finding it really difficult to cope with his aggression (last night he threatened to break my nose) but he doesn't seem to display any aggression in school only very silly behaviour and shouting out silly things.

He really dreads going to school he doesn't seem to know why he feels like this, I dread each morning worrying if he is going to go to school or not. I try to explain staying at home is not the answer as he will be very bored and remind him of the things I know he will be looking forward to (like his guitar lesson on a Tuesday evening). Sometimes he just will not go and becomes aggressive so I just let him stay home

My bright AS son was included in regular education up until high school. He actually skipped the 7th grade because he was so far advanced academically. The high school he was assigned to had 1400 students and just wouldn't work out since he was so intimidated and at that time, small for his age. He completed school through ndisonline.org and graduated with honors, scoring 1500 on his SAT. All of his classes were conducted online and that was the best solution for him.