Feels like he is existing in a fantasy world...

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As my son gets older, more and more, I feel like he is mainly existing in a fantasy world and only visiting the rest of us in reality. His fantasy world is a mash-up of things- mostly from his favourite books, some TV, some characters from games, and some things he has imagined and held on to for a long time. It's concerning sometimes, and other times I feel like it isn't that "abnormal".
I remember how as a kid, I would become extremely absorbed in books and book series. Sometimes everything felt like an interruption of the stories I was reading- I would be completely immersed in the worlds in my books. Things like school, family obligations/interactions like dinner time etc. were like breaks from that reality. I would even dream about the books I was reading instead of dreaming about things based on my real life. I can still get like that now occasionally with books- but obviously with a family and other adult obligations, it's not nearly the same.

I see this happening with my son, but maybe to a greater degree and extent. Should I be concerned?

We've seen so much improvement in his communication with us- when he chooses (and when we need him to or push him to) to he can really interact with us in a pretty normal way. I'm not sure we are as interesting and compelling as whatever exists in his imaginary/fantasy world though. Actually, I'm sure we are NOT. He prefers to talk about all these characters and happenings in this other reality...and I guess I can understand that it's all a lot more interesting to him. It really is like he exists in this other realm.
I'm not sure what typical or NT 4 year olds talk about most of the time with their parents or friends. I have interacted with some on the playground and other situations and they are pretty different - LOL. Not so dreamy or off in space. But what do 4 year olds really have to talk about? I don't know...
Sometimes I get really worried about this, then other times I think it's not a problem and I can see so many good things about it. He is growing into a really great artist and he has great compassion for animals and such a unique take on things. And we do really well in involving ourselves in his current interests and fantasies and keep up to date with it all and it's obvious that this is one reason why we have always maintained a great relationship with him. I don't want to force him away from what makes him happy. But I do worry...

Sorry if I'm rambling. We had a rough night with sleep (or no sleep).
But has anyone had experience with this kind of thing?

I don't have any proper recommendations for you, but my son was similar. His world was Pokemon and dinosaurs for a decade or so.

He has learned more balance as he matured. He slowly learned to focus on chores/schoolwork etc. That doesn't mean he didn't incorporate his interests into them, but it was okay if it was in the boundaries of what he needed to do. He now still enjoys his interests, but they don't completely monopolize him like when he was little.

Good luck to you! I guess I wouldn't push "normal" behavior, but introduce balance slowly through social interactions, small daily chores, and other ways you feel are age appropriate.

Maybe I'm missing something, but I'm not exactly sure what you're worried about. Can you give us some specifics of what concerns you about his fantasy life?

From infanthood to about 3, I would have phrased it not so much living in a fantasy world, as living in his own world. To me these things are very different. A fantasy world in my mind implies not being able to tell the difference between reality and fantasy when you are in a range of developmental ages where that distinction should be clear.

Living in ones own world (in the autistic sense) is more like having a bubble around you where your thoughts/wants/needs matter and other people's mostly don't. It felt like I was visiting that bubble-world when i would interact with him.

At 3, it started to feel like he would also visit the larger world, and the percentages of time in our world increased over time. I don't know what the percentage was at your son's age because I do not remember that precisely, but maybe it was half and half, maybe lower.

Today, it feels like he is in our world, but goes off on tangents onto his own stuff fairly often.

I don't know if this is relevant/helpful to you or not but I thought I would put it out there.

6-12, I chose to spend my time either in imaginary worlds of my own design or from books or films, or in science.

The deep patterns of the universe were beautiful to me and their reliability and duration was soothing in the face of the chaos of the human world.

The stories I loved to escape into, Tolkein's Middle Earth or Larry Niven's Known Space, for example--had aspects of the chaos of the human world, but in a much safer way.

If I had not let my imagination pour through those stories and spent a lot of time imaginatively inhabiting those worlds, I don't think I would have been able to make an attempt to break out of my isolation and join life. Those sanctuaries were really good for me.

I am gathering that the OP is concerned that the fantasy world is taking precedence over social interaction, to the point that the child doesn't interact with other people unless prompted to do so. (Is that right?) Imaginary friends and a fantasy world are normal at this age, but generally as a substitute when friends aren't available (or, I suppose, when there's conflict,) not as a preferred option.

I think it's cause for concern in one way: typically develping four-year-olds want to play with other kids. It's also a time when nobody has good social skills, so there's also a way in which an atypically developing child may have an easier time picking up social interaction with a lot of scaffolding.

That said, I was this kid, and I am mostly OK. For me, girls were too mean, boys were too rough and it was just easier to populate an inner world with people I could understand. For DS, his imaginary friends are kind of a "social laboratory" where he can work stuff out in sort of third-person.

DS was pretty social at this age and mostly successful at it (or I should say was either very successful or not successful at all depending on the circumstances,) so I don't have good advice for a toddler. However, as a teen we are now seeing this behavior again because it is exhausting for him to navigate conflict with his friend. We try to troubleshoot problems and gently nudge him...but I also recognize some of the isolation is just a way of gathering his "social energy" for when he really needs it.

His behavior is completely typical of an autistic child and you cannot fundamentally change it. He will always be more content with his own company and find socializing awkward and taxing. That's the way his brain is wired and trying to push him to be something he isn't will only make both of you frustrated and unhappy. What's puzzling is, you indicate that you were pretty much the same way as a child (probably more so than you remember), so what's to get alarmed about?

Sounds like the boy has a healthy creative imagination. That's something to be encouraged.

Read Parenting Your Aspergers Child by Alan Sohn. He has a whole section about kids who are mainly in fantasy land, though the book is mainly about school age children so the suggestions won't be helpful for a few years. Aspergers and Young Children is a good one for the preschool years.

My son had very little interest in other kids at age 4. It has slowly developed over the last 5 years, and now he has real friends and play dates and even plays with the neighborhood kids. I tried very hard to set up play dates in the early years, but all efforts flopped. If I could have seen then how he would grow socially on his own schedule, I would have worried a lot less.