Verbal Bullying

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DS has been having problems on the bus this year. A small group of children are teasing him, trying to get a rise out of him. They sit near him and call his name over and over and over until he responds, and then call him names and such. One time, they got him so angry that he said something very bad (illegal if he was older) back to them, and then off course their parents went to the school and DS was painted as the "bad guy". The principal said he was putting a note about it in DS's permanent record. The other boys were moved to different bus seats for about two weeks, but now they're back and up to their old tricks.
My problem is, when I complain about these children the school principal doesn't take me seriously (last time he emailed me he didn't even get DS's name right). What they're doing is pretty much normal kid stuff, and I look like an over-protective mother. But I know that if DS loses his cool it's going to be a bad scene. And I know they're doing it for that reason.
How do I advocate better for him, and not sound like a crazy woman? I feel like a moron telling the school that they need to do something just because a kid called him a butt-face, but if I say nothing DS is eventually going to open a can of autistic whoop-@ss, and that's what I'm trying to avoid.

Is there any way that you can take your son off of the bus? That is what I would do, but that may not be an option for you. If that is not possible, does your son have an IEP in place? If he does not, I would definitely set up a meeting with his teacher or with the principle. Do not worry about whether they think you are crazy or over protective. You are just acting in a way that every mom of an autistic child would. Our children have difficulties with social interaction and it is not fair for these kids to be doing this to him. It makes me so sick that all of the schools act like they have a "zero tolerance" for bullying yet it is still very much alive and well for our kiddos.

I don't where you live, but see if your state has a special needs advocacy hotline or group to call in your area. I also don't know what the bullying laws are where you are, but the principal's response sucks. It seems like it is totally unfair for your child to have something on his permanent record when he is repeatedly provoked and has social/ communication issues. I think that if you got in touch with a special needs advocate (and a lot of states have numbers to call where they offer free advice), they would say that since your son has ASD (which affects the way he communicates), he should not be held to the same standards as NT kids and it should not be on his record. I know a kid in my area who has ASD and was suspended in kindergarten for being violent to the teacher (I think he kicked her in the middle of the meltdown, but not on purpose). The mom was able to remove it from her son's official record, because his behavior was considered a part of his disability. I would also (if it was me) go over the principal's head at this point, or reach out to an advocate because it is clear he is not taking it seriously. He probably ( unfortunately) has you pegged for a nervous nelly or helicopter mom, and you will not be able to get him to see things your way unless someone else (either above him or an advocate) tells him he has to. This can even be in the form of a letter you write that outlines your son's legal rights.

Is the driver the only adult on the bus?

So schools haven't really improved since I went....the classic using anti bullying rules/policies against victims of bullying if they ever react after having enough of it. But yeah bullying is not 'normal kid stuff' the fact society views it that way however is part of the problem sure a little teasing among kids is normal but actually targeting a specific person to pick on over and over again is not normal or healthy for anyone involved. I'd say if the school keeps this up maybe look into switching schools, maybe see if there are any that have a better reputation. But then I changed schools a lot to and it didn't significantly help....Maybe a non-traditional kind of school but not sure if they have anything like that in your area but sometimes those can be better, also not sure if there are online options but maybe.

I had people do that to me a lot in school....they knew if they could bother me enough I'd get in trouble for losing my cool and then get laughed at because they got away with it. Maybe schools should address this sort of thing, instead of acting like its ok that is until the target of this loses their cool, and then penalizing them rather than the jerks who purposely upset them. It makes no sense to me.

I think you have to treat them like they want the best for your son, but I agree if he has an IEP it seems like you could ask them to look at a different bus situation. I think I remember from other threads that he does. Can you very nicely give this back to them that you know they want to have him get to school safely and clearly if he's becoming this agitated and confused by the behavior of the other children on the bus he's not able to manage it without greater adult supervision?

I think this also could be a time to look at supervision while changing classes and in the hall etc.

Very good point. How will they be able to prove what the bullies are doing unless an adult is watching? And of course if an adult is present, then the bullies won't do it.

Thanks for all the replies. The school is now looking into a few different options, one of which is for DS to ride the special ed bus. I don't really like that idea, because he is otherwise mainstreamed and he himself doesn't need help on the bus. He just needs to be left alone and not bullied. I have asked DS what he thinks about that idea, though, and he wants to do it. I've explained that there will be kids with physical differences, etc., and that some kids at school might tease him for riding that bus, but he is not worried about it.
What do you all think about this option?

PS There is no aide on his current bus, but the special ed bus has one.

I will look into finding an advocate as well, but I've done a little sniffing in the past and couldn't find anything in my area. This is kind of a "dead zone" for autism resources (and awareness!).

Given that you told him the social consequences for taking the SPED bus, and he still wants to do it, I think you have to let him and see what happens.

I agree with others that the fact that he made this choice means that the current bus is a bad situation and he knows it.

I wish I had other suggestions, but the only one I can think of is having them assign a "bus monitor" (not an aide) to your son's bus. I just don't know if even an advocate could force them to do this. When we were in public school I had a heck of a time getting the amount of social supervision my son needed. We really only had it when he had the one:one aide. The rest of the time it was really bad. I know my son is less socially functional than yours, but I think the social things are really hard to navigate.

I had trouble with that kind of BS all the time when I was a kid, and some bully would instigate something when they knew they could get away with it and i would get into trouble for retaliating because I didn't think I needed to hide what I was doing (fairness!! !!) and I would not have known how to anyway.

The trouble with the idea that the bullies should go from my point of view is that the school doesn't want to admit doing anything wrong, your child needing extra support isn't their fault and moving him to a sped bus is them acting to help, hard enough to get them there. They don't want to say their regular bus is bad.

Also I think it's ok the other kids see him on sped bus, they've already noticed he's different that's why we are discussing the issue. I think kids act worse when they see adults ignore a problem. Doesn't mean life will be perfect, I just think the kids know already and those who want to bully are doing so.

If it were me I'd want to move, too. And with as little discussion as possible because I think it's very confusing being treated badly. One doesn't know why but assumes "it's me" and, well, that's the reality. Trying to minimize that kind of experience is a good thing.

When this happened to my daughter she got suspended. I contacted the local news about a very interesting incident in which a special needs child was taunted relentlessly while the school did nothing and then suspended the special needs child. The interview never happened because suddenly, the bully got transferred to an entirely different school and my daughters suspension was lifted.

No one messes with her now, and if they do it is taken VERY seriously, albeit... for the wrong reasons Id guess.

As long as your son is okay with it, I would be satisfied with the option. At least let him give it a try---it has to be better than the bullies.