13YO Aspie son likes wearing bras/panties

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Hello all, I'm new here, my name is Cari and I'm the lucky mom to an amazing couple of kids, one of which is my 13YO son, Christian who has AS, ADHD, and Auditory processing/intigration disorder.

I have to apologize in advance for the long post - I've always been able to make a short story long...

I'm writing this post because I'm kind of hoping for advice, but mostly I think i'd just like to know that I'm not alone. Christian has recently (last few months) started wearing bras and/or girls panties. Started when I found one of his sisters bras (really a bralette - like a short camisole) in his room. I assumed it was just a phase, and I took the bra and washed it, and had a conversation with him about how his sisters underthings belong to her, and not him, and he was not to touch them. I then got online and did some research about how to handle the situation. And universally everything I read said that I should offer support (duh) and talk with him and if he wanted to explore wearing "girls" underthings, to allow it. So the next week, when I found another bra and a pair of her panties in his room, I sat him down for another talk where I again reiterated that his sisters things don't belong to him and he may not take them, but I also asked him if felt like he needed to have his own bra and/or panties to wear. His face lit up when I said this, and he was thrilled that I would offer to buy him his own bra (not so much interested in the panties). So, I ordered a bralette from Amazon for him and he loved it, but he was soon asking for more, because he wants to wear them more often, so I got him 2 more (let him sit with me on the comp and pick them out), and he wants to wear them more often, which I'm fine with but he changes for gym at school and won't wear one there, obviously. He constantly tells me when he has it on, and asks me if it can be seen under shirts, etc. He's afraid someone will touch him and feel it. Like I'm sure any parent would, I worry about what this will mean for him as he gets older if it's more than a phase. Mostly for any romantic relationship he may be in/want to be in.

I am wondering if there are any parents here who have dealt with anything similar...I'm curious if it could be a sensory thing...he tells me that the reason he wears it is because he likes the way it feels (more power to ya, kid...can't wait to get mine off LOL). FTR, he appears to me to be heterosexual, shows definite interest in girls, etc. Also shows not interest in wearing female outer clothing. Plan to mention it to his neurodevelopmental pediatrician at the next visit.

Thanks in advance!!

If hes a bit overweight perhaps he likes the support. If he isn't overweight it could be the pressure, in which case I would recommend a sports bra. I'm a female but I REALLY liked the pressure when I was a kid. I felt way more secure in a sports bra than in a regular bra so it's all I would let my mom buy. It felt like getting a hug all the time.

Also it's totally possible to be 100% hetero but still... uh... like to wear womens clothing. Lots of guys just like the way it makes them feel. If this is the case then encourage him to just devote an hour 2 days a week to it in private to encourage moderation rather than wearing it all the time.

It could be that he gets aroused both by women's undergarments (like most guys) and the sense of doing something "taboo" by wearing them. If that's the case, I think he probably shouldn't be allowed to wear it outside of the house (or maybe even outside of his bedroom). He'll need to understand that there's a time and place to express sexuality, and that it's a private matter.
If he's wearing the bra because he's questioning his gender identity, that's of course an entirely different situation. I would tend to think, though, that if this is the only sign of transgenderism he's ever shown then that's probably not what's going on.

there is a good chance that he simply likes the pressure indeed; you might want to buy him his own set if he keeps using his sisters' garments.
as long as he doesn't wear these things to gym class, there is no problem (though if the other kids see, he'll be bullied, be careful of that).

another option is that he has some form of gender dysmorphisism, in the sense that he feels like a girl, and girls wear bras and panties. if this is the case, make sure you know soon, if kept a secret, this can cause severe depressions.

the most important thing at first isn't to make him understand that he shouldn't wear bras and panties (although not using his sisters is a relatively large issue), but for you to understand *why* he wears them.

Thanks all for the responses. Sorry got super busy last night and didn't get back on here.

I really would like to know why it is that he's doing it so that I can be as supportive as possible. I don't want it to be a secret that he sees as something shameful. If he feels like a female, or just likes wearing female things, then so be it. It's not the life I would have chosen for him, but his family will love him no matter what. However, I have a feeling that it is more of a sensory thing. I do worry, however, that if it is a sensory thing and he's associating the comfortable feeling of the pressure with wearing a bra, that it could cause some confusion for him. Does that make any sense? Like, for example, if your first sexual input as a teen (or there about) was to see bondage porn, and you were aroused by it, could you begin (after perhaps several encounters with a bondage magazine) to associate sexual arousal with bondage, to the exclusion of more "vanilla" sexual practices? Not sure if that makes sense, I just don't want him to be something he isn't - if he's feeling female, or some variation thereof, then so be it, but if he just likes the pressure, I'd rather try to move that association away from female clothing.

Thinking of suggesting a compression tank top. He's expressed to me that he'd like to wear the bra's more often but is concerned about people seeing/feeling, but if he's wearing a tank, it's not so taboo. So I thought I'd suggest it for the times he wants to wear it out of the house (he's never really worn a bra out, because he worries about it being seen/felt). Maybe he'll discover that he likes it just as well or better than a bra. Maybe not...

As far as sexual arousal from wearing the bra...not ruling it out, but I don't think so. He does not appear aroused and does not behave at all inappropriately. No visable arousal, no inappropriate touching, etc.

Oh, and no, he's not at all overweight.

Sure, offer him a high-quality compression tank! UA has good ones. My other though is that puberty could be causing his nipples to become more sensitive and he doesn't like shirts brushing up against them. The bralette has double the fabric to protect sensitive nipples, compared to mens' tanks that only have one layer of fabric.

I wouldn't worry too much about him needing to wear the clothing that makes him comfortable. It's totally ok.

Yeah, after reading all the posts, I really do think that it's a high probability that it's a sensory thing. The nipples sensitivity comment is also something to consider. Most probably the answer is a simple sensory thing that he likes the pressure. Good luck ! !! !

Just wanted to add quickly - haven't done a search because I don't think it's the direction you are going, but there have been several parents posting here whose children are exploring gender identity issues. I am pretty good with the google, and can try to dig those up if you are interested.

That said, I'd concur it's probably some kind of sensory thing - good for you for doing the detective work and being compassionate about it!

Compression shirts come in all kinds of varieties - in case he wants to feel it on his arms as well. I honestly never thought about that as a sensory option and may try it myself (I just went to the dentist recently, and realized how RELAXING the lead apron felt. )

Ignore all previous posts.

Your son is a crossdresser.
He will probably like both men and women later on in life.
But he will lean towards men or women. Which ? It's too early to tell.

As a bi guy I know about these things.
I know many crossdressers, trannies, and others. And their life stories (I enjoy hearing from them) are similar to your son's.

What scares me is you really didn't know to treat your son with acceptance until you "googled" it ? Talk about 1984 come true. Not to mention blind conformism. It always surprizes me how little women know about life, women, who are supposed to be the gate-keepers of sexuality in society. And sometimes love.

CryosHypnoAeon, while I certainly appreciate your perspective - I don't think it's appropriate to attack the OP who is here because she's trying to do right by her child - your language is more than a bit harsh.

I also think it's not safe to assume that all children who exhibit unusual interests in clothing are exploring their sexuality, even though you are right - there are many who do. I think the OP is open to that possibility, and is accepting and trying to help, and that's what matters.

momsparky,

Being critical of a group of people is not the same as attacking them.
Although the downside of the human-ape mind is to take something that is a little offensive, or a little too direct perhaps, and construe it as an "all out attack".

I didn't intend to offend the OP.

You can blame me for having strong views,
but not for attacking.

An attack would be something along the lines of: "All women need to jump off a bridge."
Or something like that. Don't get offended, it's just an example.

Best Wishes to you and the OP

The sensory idea makes sense in terms of the bra, but panties? How are they providing a significantly different sensory experience than y-fronts or briefs?

Cross dressing is complicated, but I would tend to think that it's about that, rather than sensory issues. There are other ways to get tight or protective clothing on your chest than a bra.

It seems to me that women's underwear are highly loaded up in this culture as both gender identity signifiers and symbols of sexuality. I don't think any male would put them on without knowing they were engaging those powerful forces in some way.

There is so much media around this: advertising, videos, images, catalogues, magazines. It's really impossible for me to imagine he isn't working through that stuff in some way.

I think YippySkippy's thoughts are very good: