Gah! Transitions!

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So, my daughter realized that next month, school will be over.

She burst into tears.

Everyone thinks it is so cute..."Aw, she loves school so much!"

Sadly, it's not that she loves school so much. It is that transitions are so hard for her.

Stuff like this just....gets to me. I don't want it to sound like I am complaining, because I don't mean to be. It's just that...well...she is doing so well right now. To most people, she probably looks "normal with just a smidge of weird."

But then stuff like this happens and I realize that no matter how well-compensated she looks on the outside, she still struggles on the inside.

And because most people can't see that, I get increasingly worried that the older she gets, the higher other people's expectations will be, the harder it will be for her to meet them, and the more painful her life will be.

I don't really know why I am posting this. I just know that people IRL really don't get it. They just see how well she is doing and think it means that she's just a regular kid. And I look like a freak for worrying about her.

Hugs

School transitions are really, really hard.

When I went off to college, the experience of moving was so traumatic for me. And no one believed me that it was. In fact, I was a witness to a high profile crime shortly after moving and spent years in therapy for what I saw. I kept saying over and over that moving to college was more traumatic for me. No one ever believed me until I had an ASD diagnosis. Now, my mom watched the Temple Grandin movie and has read a lot and apologizes for not seeing how traumatic that situation was for me (I originally wanted to live at home and go to a local college, but they believed moving to a new city was what every 18 year old needed, so I was forced out).

Anyway, you and your daughter's strength is that you know! You know this is hard for her. You can't take away her pain, but you can show her that you will always support her as she grows.

Have you considered helping her find tools to deal with it? Visualizations can be helpful.

When my ASD son moved from kindergarten to first grade, his first grade teacher (knowing him a little and his diagnosis) asked him to visit her classroom one day over the summer. She told him she had some plants that were growing too big for their pots. She showed him how she bought some new, bigger pots for them. She told him that the plants roots could no longer grow in the small pot. If they were to grow, they needed a bigger pot. Together, they transplanted the plant into the bigger pot. I tear up every time I think about how she helped him with his transition to his "bigger pot".

Talking about the seasons might be helpful, too. There is an entire cycle and every part of the cycle is necessary.

I get what you're saying. It can be so hard to try to help them deal with this!!

And it's tough when other people in your life think that she/you are over exaggerating. I feel for you because I deal with others being judgmental at times too.
My daughter can appear pretty typical most of the time, so others just think she's a shy/sensitive kid...but there is more to it than that of course. I worry about expectations in the future too, but to keep my worries in check, I just have to take things one step at a time with her.

My daughter has always had a difficult time dealing with transitions too...even so far as she's told me lately that she dreads weekends because there isn't as much of a "routine" as during the week. That one surprised me, but to her that is a transition too.

I don't have any magic solution, except that I try to talk her through what will or might happen coming up and we talk a lot about trying to be flexible even though it's hard. If I acknowledge that I know something is hard for her, that seems to help her at least to feel validated and she appears to relax a little.

And it helps her if I point out transitions she's made in the past and how they ended up being not so bad and in fact good in most cases! That's something that does seem to lessen her anxiety.

And I like all of screen_name's suggestions!

Does your school offer summer school options? My daughter was able to go, even though she didn't need the academic support, she did need the behavioral support.

Thanks for understanding, everyone!

Screen_name, that was awesome what that teacher did. Last year at the end of the year, my daughter's school psychologist assigned her to be the "school scout" as they were transitioning to a different building. As the "School scout," it was her "job" to visit the new school a few times at the end of the year last year and "report back" to the rest of the class. There were a couple of kids who did this with her. It was for those kids who have a hard time transitioning. The school finds that if they feel they have a "job," they go to the school with a more inquisitive and open mind because they focus more on finding things to tell the other kids instead of how scary it is to go to a different building. She will be in the same building next year so at least that part will be easier.

yellowfinch, our kids sound a lot a like. You know, I am always amazed with some of the thing she shares with me (the way your daughter did about weekends). For years I thought that my daughter hated taking showers. Then one day she told me she actually likes taking showers. She hates getting in and getting out. The transition from dry to wet and then from warm to cold bothers her.

DMarcotte...they don't have a summer program and she really wouldn't qualify, not even behaviorally. She went the year without an IEP or even a 504. Our school district has a strong RTI program and that was all she needed.

She started crying again tonight and said "Mom, I am just SO sensitive."

Yes, honey, you are! Such a sweet girl.