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Mikey7108088
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Joined: 12 Aug 2015
Age: 40
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Location: NJ

12 Aug 2015, 4:51 pm

Just registered here. Greetings from the garden state. I am the father of 2 boys, my oldest, who is 5 has ASD and is so far non verbal. For the past week, he has been having totally random, absolutely explosive screaming melt downs that last anywhere from 10-40 minutes. He will scream and shriek as if he is being gutted alive, and is totally inconsolable. They pass as if nothing had happened. His pediatrician said his ears/throat and urine were normal. No molars coming in, gastro says no allergies. Today as I was comforting him, he bit into my shoulder like a zombie. I feel at my wit's end. This will never get better, he will never learn to communicate what's bothering him, and he will continue to drain the life force (and money/sleep) from me. I fear I am beginning to hate my son. He takes and takes and ruins and ruins. Just venting. Thanks for reading. Please send booze. Love, Mike



InThisTogether
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29 Aug 2015, 1:28 pm

Welcome, Mike!

I don't know that I have any feedback for you, but I noticed that you posted quite a long time ago and no one responded. I wanted to respond so that you would feel welcomed.

Sometimes I get a lot of responses to my post and sometimes I get none. Please feel welcomed to keep posting. While I have not experienced what you are experiencing now, I know others here have. What I can empathize with is those moments when the thought of doing "this" forever feels absolutely overwhelming. My kids are nearly 14 and nearly 10 and I can tell you that "this" never goes on forever. Some situations resolve and new ones start. The thing that helps me the most is reminding myself that no matter how difficult things are for me, they are undoubtedly harder for my kids. I also remind myself that what I see is a result of their neurology, not deliberate attempts to infuriate me, although when my son was younger there were times I honestly felt like he was doing it all on purpose. He wasn't, and now at the age of almost 14, I have to say he is a pretty thoughtful and kind kid.

Hang in there, and remind yourself that you don't hate your son. You are just exasperated by the difficulties you are facing. One time my friend said to me "The true testament of a mother's love (father's in your case) is in her (his) ability to love her (his) kid the most when he deserves it the least." I do not know exactly why that has helped me get through really hard times, but it has. I love my kids. I really do. And because I love them so much, I vow to love them even more when they are not so easy to love. When my son was younger, sometimes I would actually say to myself "I love you even more because of this." ANd I would keep saying it until the rage would subside.

I believe I am a better person because of my kids. The challenges I have faced because they are in my life have made me better. I also believe that if they were born to a different kind of family, both of them would have been physically abused. So, when things get tough, I remind myself that all of this is for a purpose. I am for them, and they are for me. It is the way it is supposed to be. Thinking of that helps me focus on finding the positive and learning from it.


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btbnnyr
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29 Aug 2015, 3:26 pm

How much therapy is he getting? How many hours per week?
Sometimes, if a child is getting many hours of therapy per week, they get too stressed out and have frequent outbursts like these.


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31 Aug 2015, 12:14 pm

Mikey7108088 wrote:
Just venting. Thanks for reading. Please send booze. Love, Mike


Hey Mike, Hi from another place in NJ. Vent heard. Sorry you're feeling bad these days.

If you ever need help, there are a bunch of smart people here who can give good advice.

If you need to vent, there is limited tolerance here for the "OMG, autism is teh worst EVAR!" type of stuff that goes over big with Autism Speaks, but all kinds of support for anyone trying to deal with life as it comes.

It sounds like you are manning up and digging in for the long haul, respect to that.