How do people encourage children?

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My learning disabled child seems very sad about her abilities and I am having trouble keeping her focused on learning rather than what she can't do. What do people find helpful in this situation?

What is she good at? You can't work on what they are bad at all the time. It is demoralizing. They really need significant time spent on their strengths, whatever they are. Even if you think the time is better spent on what they need to work on; it really is not productive time if they are down on themselves.

Edit: I did not mean you are not working on her strengths but only that you may need to tilt the balance even more in that direction.

She is good at many things, but even if we spend the day on positive and enjoyable activities, when it comes time to practice school activities she has trouble with, even if it's just 2 minutes of multiplication, she gets pouty and complains.

I don't understand how to help her see that if she stays more positive she can do more in less time and I wish I could find a way to help her see how much she CAN do instead of She is good at many things, but even if we spend the day on positive and enjoyable activities, when it comes time to practice school activities she has trouble with, even if it's just 2 minutes of multiplication, she gets pouty and complains.

I don't understand how to help her see that if she stays more positive she can do more in less time and I wish I could find a way to help her see how much she CAN do instead of focusing so much on negative comparisons with others.

In grade school, my daughter would get mad at herself for not immediately understanding math. She also has/had a problem of making inattentive mistakes. By high school, she stopped getting angry and just spent whatever time was necessary on the work. It was difficult for me to see her upset at herself and I felt helpless as I could not think of anything to say except "it is not already in your head; you have to work on it to understand it". She struggled with this for a few years.

For something like history, I tutored a grade school age boy who was constantly behind his class. Along with trying to catch up, I let him skip ahead of the class. When the class got to those chapters, he already knew what they were talking about and that gave him a confidence boost.

I couldn't figure out how to do what you both were suggesting, and I thought about it and decided to try playing a game as part of reading time. For tonight at least, it worked

I guess it's confusing because I've never liked or understood games, especially turn taking games.....so maybe I'm wrong in thinking the game idea won't work for that long, though that's how it seems.

It also seems like you're both suggesting the same thing, but I'm not understanding how to implement the suggestion you are making. Can anyone explain more?

With the example of my daughter, I was thinking if she can keep going/working at the homework, she will see it pays off in learning or correct answers. Would a positive reward for time invested in struggling with her LD help? It sounds like she enjoys making a game of it and you have good results there. I used a chart with a star sticker for each day she worked on the challenge. I also used some bribery even though that is frowned upon.

The example of the student who was behind his classmates taught me that if they can be good at any aspect of the difficult class, it helps. So, maybe look for some aspect of math or the math problem she might be good at. I'm pretty sure I have LD (I was born in the 1950s so I just looked stupid) but I was good at math theory.

I guess keep making a game of it and give her something she likes for investing the time and work. You could also try asking her what she thinks would help make it fun. Maybe she would like to teach you what she learned.

Thank you, I'll try having her teach me.

I'm wondering if she needs the distraction of a game to think straight when she is reading? She can't explain what is hard, but I see it's a lot of effort for her to think through every reading rule. Maybe she needs the break and it isn't just avoidance? I find it hard to tell what is avoidance and what is confusion sometimes.

I was reading about attention deficit disorder (inattentive type) at counseling.uoregon.edu and they talk about problems with attention and focus.

They said some people focus better talking out loud while reading, movement such as walking allows them to be in a relaxed and alert state, many learn best through active interaction with others. Also, the act of underling while reading can help.

Probably, the fact that you two are a team working in her best interest means a lot to her.

Have you tried gum?

When my son was younger, he read better if he was allowed to chew gum. The difference was striking. If he read a passage while not chewing gum, he would only remember unimportant, incidental parts of the story (like that the cat that crossed the street was grey, when the cat wasn't even part of the plot), but when he chewed gum, he could tell the story back in great detail, sometimes even with verbatim passages.

My daughter reads best if we read together, particularly if it is a "stretch" book for her. We take turns by pages or paragraphs, depending upon how hard of a time she is having. She is actually a good reader, but has problems focusing.

I've been trying a game during reading to make it happier. I will try gum, too. Need all the good ideas anyone can suggest as she really hates to read and it is very draining for her. Though I think she may play that up a bit for me, but still. She hates it and I hate seeing her struggle so much.

Just some other thoughts...I know it's hard to see them struggle!
My daughter loves to read outside sometimes...now her learning disability is in math, but if she's stressed, she has sat outside on our porch or yard to read and it seems to help her relax.
Maybe a blanket outside in your yard or at a park to sit/lay on to read might make it more fun and relaxing for her?
Just brainstorming...Maybe you could read in a quiet area of a park, and then as a reward feed the ducks or play on the playground (depending on her age). I'm just thinking a change of scenery might help?

Also, I've heard of kids that have trouble reading, to practice reading to their dog or cat or other animal as the kids see them as nonjudgmental. I know our local library even has times once in a while where they have trained dogs come in and kids are invited to read to them. In fact, I've heard some animal shelters have set some things like that up too.
We did end up getting a private tutor for my daughter and it turned out to be wonderful. This lady was so,so nice and my daughter really bonded with her and the one and one with her really helped her improve in math. It was at her house and always quiet, and I think it changed the dynamic so it wasn't always me or her dad trying to get her to work on things.
Best of luck!

I finally realized that when DS is down on himself it's because he really, really can't do something. Not kind-of can't do something or could-do-something-if-he-tried, but CAN'T. I use that as a barometer to figure out when to try something different. When he got down on himself, I just talk to him about how his brain works differently than most kids', and we will keep trying things together until we find the thing that works for HIS brain, and he will get there eventually.

FWIW, I tried everything in the world for multiplication. What finally worked for DS (mostly) was allowing him to use a printed times table like this one http://www.math-aids.com/Multiplication ... ables.html (especially to replace a calculator when one is allowed,) and practicing with this site: http://www.bbc.co.uk/skillswise/game/ma ... -grid-find Possibly the book "You Can Count on Monsters" helped a little. (Algebra was helped with the videogame DragonBox)

We participated in a dyscalculia study and at the end I think they recommended https://www.rocketmath.com/ but by the time we got that information DS was already using multiplication tables with success. They learned that the problem with math is that higher functions are processed in the brain's language centers - so kids who have trouble with multiplication usually have a language problem, not really a math problem if that makes sense.

Things that we tried that did not help us at all: flash cards, "triangle" flash cards, worksheets, the book "Times Tables the Fun Way," having him listen repeatedly to each number song in Schoolhouse Rock, having him write out the lyrics to the Schoolhouse Rock songs.

I just kept trying until we found a good fit.

Thank you for the ideas and links. I hope she will like them.

Helping her stay relaxed seems to be key, and for good or bad, she's very aware reading and math make her stressed, so would prefer to avoid them. It's very difficult seeing her so motivated to avoid the practice she needs. I hope she grows into wanting to do more for herself to overcome.

How old is your daughter? I ask because when my son was in 1st grade, he wasn't reading, and wasn't reading, was miserable, and we got a bit anxious about it...and then suddenly he was in the top reading group. I've found this is typical of his atypical development; when he's stuck it helps to remind him of the pattern.

I know how hard it is to have a kid who avoids things that are hard for them, and who gets anxious about it. Hang in there!

In case it helps, here's what we did with reading:

Turned on the closed captioning on the TV. (DS actually came up with that himself - we live in a small house, and had been using the closed captioning to watch tv without disturbing him, and I forgot to turn it off one night. The next time, he asked "can you put the words back? I want to see what the words look like." Who knew?)

When he was little, we got the book "You Read To Me, I'll Read To You" and read it with him at bedtime.

We found books about his special interest with lots of pictures (this held true all the way through elementary school, even when he was able to read chapter books, pictures helped keep him engaged.) We also found books on his special interest that were above his reading level, and helped him read those.

When I felt he was able, I found a book he was really excited about and told him if he wanted to read it, he'd have to sound out the words himself (I did help him, but didn't do it for him. He refused the book for a while, but eventually was so curious that he did it.)

I found out that he was frustrated at the books he was getting in school because they were too easy - and the teacher was keeping him at the very early reader stage because he was parroting back the exact words from the book when she asked questions. I told him to "say what the book said, but use only three words." (He didn't understand why anyone would explain using words other than the author's; the teacher didn't get that.)

Routine, of course - everyday reading before privileges is still a thing in high school.

When he got to chapter books, the series that are kind of in-between graphic novels and books were helpful - How to Train Your Dragon, Diary of a Wimpy Kid - those are very heavily geared towards boys (which may or may not matter) but I'm sure there are series like that for girls.

I'm not good at routine and get distracted easily so that makes life harder when she is actually making an effort to distract me from reading.

She really likes the Dragon books, though can't read them for herself. It's the feeling helpless that is hard to see. I understand she feels she can't and feels different, it's hard to understand that making her not want to try....I'm so used to feeling different and needing to try anyway, but she is as NT as a dyslexic person can be so maybe feeling different really gets to her in a different way. I don't know.....

She does love listening to books though. Just not reading them.

I understand - it's hard when something that seems to come easily to the rest of the world doesn't come easily, and it's even harder to see that in your child.