Adult Son Has No Fear of Lightning, Tornados, or Strangers

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Hello,

My 21-year-old son, who wasn't officially diagnosed with PDD until a few years ago, has absolutely none of what I would consider a healthy amount of fear of lightning strike, tornados, or strangers.

A couple of days ago, the air raid/civil defense/tornado sirens in our neighborhood started going off at 7 a.m. My 19-year-old daughter got up to use the bathroom and noticed her brother's bedroom door had been left open--something he only does when he leaves the house.

As it turned out, he walked up to a sandwich shop, a mile from our house, and was waiting outside the shop when the tornado warning was issued.

He has also taken rides from strangers and gone for walks, many times, when there was a lot of lightning outside.

I have told him, many times, to not take rides from strangers and not go outside when he hears thunder. Aside from showing him photos of pre-tornado skies, I don't know what I can do about the tornados.

I guess the reason I'm posting this is because I'm on the other end of the fear spectrum. I've had OCD, panic attacks, and phobias all of my life--and I simply don't get it. I love him so much, but I am frustrated by this--and I want to understand.

Can anyone tell me why my son isn't naturally afraid of lightning, tornados, or strangers?

It's hard to say, but maybe he is just trusting by nature, and rather naive ? Fear may simply be too abstract an emotion for him to feel ? Have you tried to have a discussion with him about why he accepts rides from strangers, after you've told him that these can be dangerous ? OR why he is not naturally afraid of the forces of nature ? If he is verbal and can articulate upon why he acts as he does, you may be able to find a solution to this situation.

Good luck !

Many aspies have severe irrational fears during childhood. Things like heating vents, chandeliers, dark-colored electrical outlets (but not regular white ones), faucets, shower heads, etc. The fears often results in actions like drawing the shower curtain when entering the bathroom, refusing to look up when in certain rooms.

Your son is an adult, but something strongly unpleasant like one's childhood fears is often remembered for life. Has your son had any irrational fears when he was a kid? Fears of harmless household objects in particular. Perhaps you can reference his feared objects to illustrate how people (read: NTs) fear tornadoes and getting into strangers' cars. Because those fears could easily seem silly and irrational to him. But still very real.

Another reason is a weak or non-existent life-preservation instinct. It could be inborn as part of AS, or acquired as a result of having had an unpleasant life, I'm not sure. (Most aspies have unpleasant lives, especially as children, which, no doubt, can weaken their life-preservation instinct.) But let's take it one point at a time.

This may sound mean/harsh BUT: If he's grown up with an overly fearful mother, maybe he doesn't want to be like you... so he's gone to the other side of the extreme?

I can only relate from my personal experience, and my mother was always afraid of everything and always sick - like a hypochondriac. So I grew up viewing her as an anti-roll-model. Whenever I was sick I would brush it off, when ever people were panicking I was the calm one, whenever there was something to be scared of I didn't care.

When depression kicked in, it was even worse. If your son suffers from depression (?) he might simply not care about whether he comes to harm or not. I didn't, and I would think "if this is how it ends - so be it".

Just throwing it out there, sorry if I caused any offence.

That's where I think anxiety isn't a marker for autism ad fundum, anxiety is a generalised thing in society today,
there wasn't even a word for that afaik.
MF, stereotype with trains in onscale-landscape in the attick, was socially not confident but loved things that were seen by others as frightning, and liked a bit the shock effect too, fireworks, lightnings, explosions and all that.

I have an overly fearful mother, but I also have common sense. I know a tornado is no joke.

It is irrelevant if he is fearful of it, it is not wise. Like chancing a level crossing once the barrier goes down.

You son probably has lack of danger senses. The chances of getting hit by lighting are very slim and you have more of a chance of winning the lottery than getting hit by lightning.

And why would he not fear strangers, maybe because autistic people tend to be overly trusting and because they are very honest people and wouldn't hurt someone, they don't think there could be other people out there that could hurt them. It has to do with mind blindness. But for someone to be that trusting I would think they were lower down on the spectrum because I am aware of danger of strangers and I have heard of serial killers and people being kidnapped after being offered a ride. Or it could be he knows the chances of this happening are slim and it's the media that has made people more paranoid. Back in the days tons of people hitchhiked and my dad used to pick them up all the time in the 70's, now he says the world has gotten more unsafe so it's not safe to do that anymore. But I don't know if it has gotten more unsafe, I think we have just gotten more paranoid because of the media. I have gotten rides from strangers as a teen despite knowing the stories about it. I just didn't want to walk anymore.

I can't help you with the tornado part.

To all of you who replied to this post, thank you very much!

I spent the last 3 hours, carefully composing a very long, detailed reply. However, because I posted links to two websites with information about a connective tissue disorder my son, daughter, myself--as well as many people on the spectrum have--my entire reply was discarded as soon as I posted it.

Thanks again,

xoxo--Lisa

As a kid I often had strange fears or anxieties that I could never really explain or was afraid that if I did try to explain I'd be medicated or locked up. Now as an adult it often seems to me that the world is a very dark, frightening place and I don't understand how anyone can watch the news and not be completely suicidal by the end. When people ask "why did this person kill herself?" I think a bigger question is "why would she not have?", what with the environment and the idiot politicians and the nukes and deadly diseases it's often a wonder anyone chooses to go on living. Besides religious reasons and the fact that death is frightening, usually painful, and permanent, I mean.

I have no fear of thunderstorms.

I would only fear a tornado if I actually saw one.

I talk to strangers all the time. I do know warning signs. I avoid saying certain things that might set them off.

To me it would be weird for an adult to be afraid of getting rides from strangers...I'd expect them to use some common sense and not just take rides from anyone but the 'stranger danger' mentality seems like more of a kid thing.

Last time I experienced a tornado warning the 'tornado' never came close to touching down but it was pretty cool to watch. Perhaps it was something like that which happened and that is why he didn't get too concerned...I wouldn't be afraid of a tornado unless it touched down close enough to be a threat to me. Did he say why it didn't worry him?

As for specifically taking walks when there is lots of lightning, that does sound reckless....have you asked him why he insists on doing that? If so what's his reasoning. But also is it actually a lot of lightning and like super stormy out or just typical afternoon thunder storm lightning? In that case he might just like it when its raining and thundering out which is fine with proper precautions like don't hold a metal rod up into the sky or something.

But yeah really no one here can tell you exactly what he is thinking, he would know better than anyone here why he does what he does.

I grew up with a mother with a ton of anxiety, and I have some too (possibly innate -- possibly learned) but I remember as a kid my mother feeling the need to hammer in the stranger-danger stuff.

Honestly, I had no idea why someone would want to steal me. To my knowledge, kidnapping was something that happened to rich people because you could get a ransom or something. None of the other motives were things that would have occurred, to me, and even when I was told, they made no sense to me. So as a result, my mom started clipping out newspaper articles of all types of person on person crimes. I suppose it worked, but I would not recommend it.

How do yu achieve a good balance? I have no idea. My ten-year old really doesn't understand these things, but he really doesn't like interacting with strangers, anyway.

I agree. In fact, it'd be really weird for a full-grown man (or woman, but we're talking about OP's son) to believe in actual stranger danger. After all, adults deal with many strangers in their daily lives, and more often than not, engage in real conversations with them. That'd be coworkers outside their department, fellow passengers on a train, Uber drivers, dance partners in nightclubs, other attendees in social interest groups, and in my case specifically, escorts. Many a time, connections form, and phone numbers (and/or body fluids) get exchanged as a result of interacting with a stranger.

And if you think about it, if people still had stranger danger as adults and teens, the human species as we know it would become extinct. In fact, there once were experiments in Israel. The early government wanted new immigrants to live on kibbutzes, and form relationships with fellow kibbutz residents. That failed. Teenagers started walking or taking public buses to other kibbutzes, just to meet new peers (i.e. strangers) for romantic relationships. They somehow couldn't bear the thought of being sexual with the people they grew up with. Friendships, by contrast, continued to form amongst existing fellow residents.