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I'm not sure this is the appropriate forum for this but I would really appreciate some input from parents with children on the spectrum or have Asperger's. I have suspicions that my daughter has aspergers but am being met with anger when I try to discuss it with my husband. I have made an apt with her pedi to discuss getting a referral to a specialist but my husband thinks it's unnessary and will upset her.

A bit about my daughter: she is 20 months old and highly advanced in speech. She was a very early talker and says just about everything, however it is mostly repetition of phrases she's heard us use in the specific situation, not as much her piecing together words to express her own thoughts. She also has many songs memorized and can identify all her letters. What is concerning to me is the fact that often she becomes laser focused on what she is doing and refuses to acknowledge you when you speak to her. I know she's is hearing because she will repeat something I say, but she won't look up and respond to my face. She has also recently begun doing what I would call stimming. It started with crossing her pointer and middle fingers, and has progressed to rocking from foot to foot, crossing her fingers, and a limp wristed clap when she is excited. My husband thinks this is normal toddler behavior but even from the time she was little I have felt that something is "off" she was a very difficult baby and would cry for hours and hours and couldn't be soothed, she smiled late and just really never seemed amused by much.

Really what I'm hoping for is parents with experience to give me some guidance or share experiences with their own children at this age.

She reminds me of my son. My son was very colicky. His early speech was on schedule, but had a lot of repetition as you are describing, which is called echolalia. He had a very extensive database of phrases and words he would use, mostly appropriately. Think of it like one of those kids' chat programs, where they don't let them type original sentences, but they can pick from a choice of phrases. It was mostly that type of communication.

I think it bears checking out.

I'm not a parent (I'm a young-adult with ASD) but I can give some insight into this:

This reminds me of what my mother has told me about myself when I was a toddler. She would say my name, but I paid no attention. She even referred me to the doctor to check if I could be a little deaf, but my hearing is fine.
I think you should tell your husband that you're going to have her checked just in case, even though you can be worried in the inside (yes, we autistics can say white lies, too ). But don't be worried, anyway. She will be fine!!

I think that I'm mostly concerned because I don't know enough to know what her future looks like. I know that all kids with ASD are different but I want to do all I can for her!

It's good that you will be getting your daughter evaluated.

Once they determine her diagnosis (if there is any), they will refer her for Early Intervention Services.

Don't we wish we had Early Intervention when we were kids!

Yes! If only I had had that!