What Do I Say?

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My son has started college and is quite happy which is a first after 13 years of misery at public school. Here's my dilemma - one of my neighbors who I seldom talk to or see now has gotten into the habit of constantly asking me about his whereabouts and plans. Her two sons made my kid's life miserable at school and in the neighborhood. They're due to graduate in 2018. I don't know how or why she sees some kind of link between my son and her two boys. I want to tell her to stop asking me questions and that we are not friends but that would be so rude. I sometimes like to daydream about spitting a giant loogie down her glasses everytime should comes near me because I see a "mocking" in her eyes as if she's waiting to hear about him failing. Can anybody relate? She used to actually come running out every time he walked by and would talk to him as if I wasn't even there. He would stammer and studder and look to me to do something. I would just say, "Okay. We on our way out. See ya." My son and I would leave. She would stand on the curb with this look (I can describe it) on her face sort of like a cat who just swallowed a canary. I always have to check if the coast is clear everytime I leave my house because of this dingbat woman. My husband says to just leave with my cellphone up on my ear to avoid having to talk to any of these creepy people who never gave a hoot for my son and now all of a sudden are interested in his plans. It pisses me off. Can you relate???
Am I mean?

she's a bullie too i suppose, don't let her in on that
she'll just be looking to put him and you down
don't go, even a bit, with her meddling
eg, be evasive always evasive, she'll get it eventually

Sounds rather troublesome... hmm, what does she usually say first when she approaches you? If she starts with something common like asking how you or your son are doing, you could just answer "I'm/he is doing fine, thank you" and then before she can open her mouth add "Excuse me, I'm in bit of a hurry" then just walk away. A bit rude maybe, but since it's not openly insulting or anything she can't really do anything about it. If you really don't want to talk to her you can say it before she even opens her mouth. Another thing you can do is to tell her next time: "We're doing fine, but how about you? We always talk about me, but how are you doing?" then start repeating the questions she tends to ask you. When she asks something from you, wave it off with a short answer that doesn't really tell one thing or another and ask another question of your own. Won't necessarily work, but it just might bother her enough to get her to leave you alone for the time being.

Have you tried earphones? You don't even have to have the iPod (or whatever it is) turned on. Just leave the house like you are listening to something riveting and if she tries to talk to you shrug and point to the earphones. Don't take them off if she tries to get you to do so, just keep walking.

I am guessing she is hoping to hear your son is struggling to make herself feel she is better than you. I bet she just assumes your son is not doing as well as her precious pumpkins and she wants to rub it in. Or her kids are not doing very well at all, and she figures your son must be doing worse.

(I would probably tell her to jump in a lake (in more vulgar terms) but if you want to avoid a confrontation the above should hopefully do it.)

It is possible she is just trying to be friendly, in which case simple "my son is great! He is really enjoying his first year at college. We've been really happy about that. Sorry, I've got to run."

You could even insert "especially after all the bullying he got here in high school." And then run.

Which would all actually work even if she is being nosy.

You answer the question without giving anything personal away.

Thank you all so very much for your excellent advice. After 13 years of our family being punished for my son being on the spectrum, I feel rather "war-torn" and I struggle to cope with the fact that he has left and he is on his own. Our little Army is reduced now.

Giant hugs on dealing with his move. I remember those days. Not easy at all. We know it is a good thing and how it should be but of course we miss them and worry.

Always remember that college is almost always different from high school.

Bullies do frequently grow up.

Unless the neighbor lady's kids actually bully your son nowadays, I would let bygones be bygones. Those two kids could, perhaps, aid your son in college because of their familiarity.

But if the bullying starts again, lay down the f*****g law.

I layed down the f*****g law just yesterday. Thanks for the advice. Got tired of her mocking face and the same went for the spy she was using that lives in the same complex. It's sort of fun when you know something and they think you don't. It's was fun to see her face and her spy's face when I told them off. They had NO CLUE that I knew. We aspies might not notice the big things but we pick up on the little nuances. It might take us time but we DO figure people out eventually.

Good! Hopefully, she will find a different hobby. She sounds like a despicable excuse for a human being.

Thanks to all