My 14 year old son - friendships and being lonely

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Hey all, this is my first post of any kind about my 14 year old son Michael who has Autism (moderate to severe on the spectrum) Physicaly hes like any other child, its the mental and social side of things he struggles with. while hes 14 he acts closer to an 8 or 9 year old and like most children with this disorder he views the world differantly then we do.

He was ones of those boys that didnt understand that he was differant. he would see kids outside playing and run out there thinking they would be his friend too.. but it didnt work that way. I did everything i could when he was younger to shield him from this reality.. id put him in allot of activitiers... and id also pay kids who were alittle older then him to come over and ask him to come out and play. Each year i recruited differant kids in the area to do this and it worked. He believed he had friends and he was happy.

But hes gotten older and those kids have moved on and i have run out of people to pay to come over and be his friend. for the past year or so hes been asking me 'where are my friends dad? and he looks out the window and asks why no one is calling on him to play? (which always breaks my heart) id talk to him about his friends being at school and at camp and in his summer soccer league... i try and make up for it by doing something with him every day thats social... Hes now 14, he likes girls and wants friends but he realizes that hes differant and i can tell hes getting lonely and hes growing frustrated..hes begun to look towards the computer as his social world... but that comes with its own set of problems.

I feel great guilt and pain that i cant shield him anymore and that i havnt been able to find ways to get him what hes looking for at this stage in his life. Is there anyone else that has these issues and has felt this way? ... anyone with insight on what i can do to make it easier for him?


D43 -

Sorry but – what did you expect in the future when you were paying other kids to pretend to be his friends? How was he supposed to gain social survival skills? What were you preparing him for?
You were raising your son in a bubble that had to pop some day.

But, focusung on your son: what does he like to do? What are his strengths? That's something to build on.

Yeah, i question weather that was the right decision.. there didnt seem to be good options at the time..he wasnt going to make any friends in my area cause there were no kids with similar issues for him to play with... we would go outside and the children would not allow him to play with them. he kept running over to them and they would start to get mean.. he had no clue why he wasnt included and i didnt want to start him down that road of self doubt and blame so early in his life. He did go to summer camp for 2 weeks a year..

He likes taking walks, playing golf, likes browsing in stores and loves the computer and video games. thank you for you're reply and input

Not bad, interests are very important for autistic people.
Golf seems to be a bit social, isn't it? Do you have some walking or trekking club in your area? Computer and video games are not bad too, of course, one needs to be careful with online acquaintances.
Regular activities would be the best, they provide routine that makes autistic people comfortable and some more or less constant social environment.
Shared interests help with being accepted despite being "odd". Even if not the friendships to write songs about, they can provide some feeling of belonging.