Is my 3yr old ASD? Struggling to cope.

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Hi there,

I'm beginning to suspect my 3 year old son is mildly ASD/PDD and am finding it hard to cope with.

I would hate to see him struggle in life, not accomplishing things, not making friends, being lonely, etc. I would hate to think he may be a source of annoyance to his loved ones.

My main question is will he be capable of living a happy/fulfilling/love-filled life? I typed out a whole list of his behaviours previously, but when I tried to post it, it got lost!

Clare.

Clare

That happens to me quite often on this site. It can be very frustrating. As a result before I post anything, I make a point to copy it first (to short term computer memory) and then post the information. That way if it gets lost in posting, I can quickly retrieve it and repost it.

My first question is why do you think you son is ASD when he is only 3 years old? Does it run in the family? But you answered that question because all that information was lost when you tried and posted it.

Now back to your main question "will he be capable of living a happy/fulfilling/love-filled life?" I would say theoretically the answer is yes. But most Aspies (high functioning autistics) can find these goals rather difficult to achieve.

Perhaps someday there will be a roadmap available to follow to achieve that goal. But I am afraid that such a roadmap doesn't exist today and much of the existing therapy is focused in the wrong direction.

From my perspective, the traits exhibited by Aspies can be separated into two groups. These are the inherent traits and the evolved traits. Most of the negative traits exhibited by Aspies fall under the evolved traits. They are moldable. The change agent of the evolved traits can be summed up in one word "Stress". So if you son is an Aspie, you can achieve good results if you can teach him how to deal with stress beginning at a very early age.

Jimmy M.

I would recommend to you searching the name Tony Attwood. You can read his books, listen to his lectures or talks to get some ideas about how autistic brain works. He has spent his life on researching the autism spectrum and I think he is the best explainer of ASD currently available.

Knowing more about ASD could hopefully help you deal with it.

Thanks for your replies, Jimmy and Magz.

That's so interesting about the difference between inherent and evolved traits. I would definitely like to find out more about that.

The reason I suspect my son may have ASD is because he has a development delay, which he is having speech therapy and one-to-one support at kindergarten for. I suspect his dad has mild ASD, although he is adamant he doesn't and isn't interested in being tested.

I wonder if my son is ASD because:

He doesn't join in activities at kindergarten or play with the other kids. He prefers to do his own thing.

He is capable of eye contact but doesn't do it a great deal.

He has a limited diet and refuses to eat unfamiliar foods. He won't eat restaurant food and we have to bring his 'acceptable' food with us.

He has a habit of walking around tables or the perimeter of a room/playground. He will do this instead of joining in activities.

Moves his finger up and down in front of his face repeatedly 2-3 times a day. He can do it briefly then stop, or carry on for 10 mins. It doesn't seem to be a reaction to stress, so I'm unsure if this is stimming or just a play habit.

He doesn't take the initiative to get out of bed in the morning - he lays awake and waits for me to come in.

If we are out walking and he can't go where he wants, he has tantrums.

Took a year longer than most kids to talk. Can now string 2 words together. Mostly repeats words/phrases we say to him or dialogue from TV.

However, he does play well with older children who initiate play and make him laugh. He plays well with me and his dad.

Seems to play with his toys in the same way as most children do.

He is very affectionate and loves cuddling alot.

He sleeps soundly all night - I thought ASD kids were supposed to have sleep disturbances?

Seems to be of normal intelligence - is even ahead of his peers with counting/identifying shapes.

I will google Tony Attwood, as Maz mentioned. I guess it will help to learn as much as I can about ASD, so that I can give my son the best upbringing possible.

Clare

Since your son is a picky eater, it might be smart to put him on a regiment of a daily multivitamin to ensure he is getting the proper vitamins and minerals for his body to develop properly.

It really may be to soon to begin worrying about whether he is on ASD. Children when they are young go through a lot of phases in early childhood and the ones that you cited do not seem to be extreme.

I put together a short book about the condition from my perspective and placed it on the internet for free access. It is called The Aspie Code
I am working on a second book that will go into the subject of inherent and evolved traits to a greater degree. It will be called "Asperger’s Syndrome – The Path Forward: Secondary Causes and Treatment Methodology". I hope to have it out early next year.

Thank you for your reply, Jimmy. I agree my son doesn't have any extreme behaviour issues, apart from the eating problems. He does have a daily multivitamin in his milk.

That's great you have written a book, I will take a look and I'm sure many people will find it useful. The forthcoming book about inherent and evolved traits sounds particularly interesting as it's not something I've seen mentioned before. Good luck with your writing and hopefully I'll be able to find it when it comes out.

Clare

Without symptoms it's hard to say but I definietely think you should have him checked out. I so wish I would've gotten my diagnose as a child I really think that my school years would've been easier both for me, my classmates who never understood why I was the way I was and my teachers who would get annoyed at me which would cause me pain and guilt and frustration over why I couldn't just "be normal" like the people at school, including my teachers, would constantly ask of me. I never had a single friend for 13 years of schooltime and for 9 out of those years I was bullied, the remaining 3 I kept to myself for what felt like everyones best, I felt like a burden. For me getting diagnosed has helped a lot and i've been able to make friends with aspergers and feel better.

I don't have any extreme issues either, no meltdowns or even really any stimming, so that's why it went undiagnosed for me until I was an adult.

Hi Superaliengirl,

Cool nickname, by the way! Thanks for your reply. I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties in school, it's a shame you weren't diagnosed younger, however it's great that there is more awareness of ASD now, so hopefully that will go some way to making people's lives easier.

School just sucks for some of those who are different. I'm deaf and find it impossible to follow group conversations. So I find it hard to make friends and end up being a social misfit, which caused me social anxiety. For the last two years of high school and most of college, I hardly spoke to anyone. Years later I made some deaf friends, which made me feel better about myself, although nowadays I still suffer from social isolation.

This makes me think that it is not people's so-called 'conditions' (deafness/ASD/blind/trans/etc) that causes them suffering and anxiety, but rather their struggle to navigate a world which caters largely for the 'normals'.

Clare.