How to help get my older brother diagnosed!

Post Reply New Topic

Hello, as it may be obvious I am not the parents of a child with autism, I am a sister of someone with autism, but I like to consider I am writing this post on behalf of my parents because they are so lost and don't know how to cope with our current situation.
My older brother was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 4, then with Asperger's when he was around 16, and he is now 21. However we have began to look back and now and realized how his Asperger's has progressed and behaviors we noticed, we may think he might have more than Asperger's and would like to get him re diagnosed with autism. However our current issue is due to his age and as well as him being high functioning, he is extremely closed off to this idea. It has reached a point where we my parents are becoming worried they will be unable to support him, with them getting older. We hope that if we can get him re-diagnosed, he can get more outside support. (We have tried seeking outside support but doctors and psychologists tend to push him to the side and he cannot receive the sufficient support with his current diagnoses, even though his behavior is a clear sign of autism.) Multiple times we have bought up the idea to him, but whenever we try and have a conversation with him he closes off.

Basically, we are just looking for help on how we can get him diagnosed or how we can help him get more support, as my parents are struggling and will soon be unable to support him. I plan on moving out soon and want both my parents and my brother to receive the attention they need.

Thank you
(if this belongs on a different topic feel free to move it)

If a diagnosis would be necessary for financial support, you may wish to shop around for a doctor that would provide it. However, a diagnosis may not be very helpful other than to secure an income.

A case can be made that even getting financial support may ret*d the progress your brother could make on his own.

Here is a booklet that could be helpful;

http://christianpioneer.com/blogarchiev ... e_2017.pdf

One thing to consider is that the early life of an Asperger child is difficult because the mental processing is under the manual control of a child. It may only be the late teens or early twenties when someone with Aspergers begins to rewire their internal thought processes to better serve an adult.

Given that he is a legal adult, you are in a tough position. HE is going to have to choose to get diagnosed, which appears to mean that you are going to have to find another way to frame the conversation so that he will finally make that choice. With my son I've always framed conversations by showing how my suggestions will help him achieve his stated goals. It can be a very long and slow process, with many different approaches tried.

Recognize that your brother has a whole lifetime of experiences he has already sorted, categorized, and used to form his self-image and his understanding of how the world works, for better or for worse. Your suggestion that he enter a new diagnosis process rocks all of that at the core. For ASD adults who feel alienated and confused about why they don't fit in, diagnosis can be a huge relief, finally providing a plausible explanation. But for adults that have already formed a solid self-image and feel comfortable with their assessment of the world, diagnosis is a threat to everything they think they know. If he truly is ASD, he will not let go of his conclusions very easily. If rigid thinking is one of his symptoms, that will also apply to what he understands of himself.

A self-image I've read several times is to believe you are smarter than everyone around you. You aren't messed up, everyone else is. Imagine someone insisting you enter a process that you believe will make you the outlier. Would you want to?

Just something to think about as you try to make the sales pitch.

In case someone in your search mentions the option of having him declared incompetent, note that I strongly recommend AGAINST even thinking that might be an option. No diagnosis or treatment will be successful if he hasn't bought into it, and the process would cause a permanent rift in your family. I've read posts from adults with parents who are have engaged in the process, and it is heartbreaking. It would destroy him.

What are the issues he has that worry you most? Perhaps some of these can be worked on without diagnosis. For us, diagnosis was used to access school services and accommodations. Now that my son has graduated from college, we don't really get anything from it beyond a reason for some of his quirks, which we would have adjusted to anyway. That you can get without having it formalized.