Safety Harness

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My two year old son has autism and his tendency to see something and RUN after it, to the exclusion of all else (including us yelling as loud as we can for him to stop) has prompted me to consider a safety harness. He doesn't like being confined to a stroller all the time, and he really enjoys walking with us. Which is fine, until he sees something and makes a run for it. When he sets his focus, it's as if he becomes impervious to all else.

Here's the thing. I've always looked at parents who use "leashes" for their children as people who simply don't want to do the proper parenting to keep their children where they should be. I see the looks these parents get, and to be honest with you, I used to offer a few of those looks myself. Perhaps it's because I remember my mother putting me in one of those when I was five. I made it disappear. On her part, it WAS a lack of parenting.

I'm really struggling with this. I want my son safe, but I don't want to feel like a monster for putting a harness on him. What do you all think?

I bought a wrist leash for my son but was unable to use it. It served more like a choke collar because it didn't stop him from running, he would have squeezed his hand off. While I never tried a harness, I don't see the problem with it. I don't see how it is indicative of poor parenting either. You want to keep your child at your side and safe. I'd rather deal with the glares when I'm over-parenting than the consequences of that child running away, getting lost, kidnapped run over or destroying property. I constantly held my son's hand until he was like 6, we still hold hands in parking lots. He just doesn't have the organizational skills to trust himself in an unpredictable situation (with cars speeding, stopping, etc)

I share your feelings about harnesses!

We actually swallowed our pride and used a velcro thing that went round wrist, with about a meter of thick elastic for the parent to hold on to. (kind of like a blue elastic "leash" with velcro on the end for round the kid's wrist)
This was for a short period of time when my son was about 4, extremely dangerous in the trafic, and too big for a stroller. Up until then I made (tried to make) him sit in the stroller if we were on a busy street.
He actually liked the wrist harness, because it meant he didn't have to hold on to my hand and had more freedom. He quickly learnt to do without, and I also learnet to trust him more!
We received so many foul looks because of the thing, we live in a very progressive area, and people thought we were cruel!

I would treat a harness as a last resort. Let him run in the park ect., use the stroller other places. Try to teach him to hold on to the side of the stroller, so you know where you have him! If all else fails, get a harness!

(BTW a lot of autistic kids don't like to hold hands - holding around their wrist is more acceptable to them.)

I have considered one myself in really busy places for my kids. I almost bought one at Wal-mart. It was actually really cute, and they aren't just "harnesses" anymore. They have these cute little backpacks, so the child thinks he is just wearing a really cool monkey or frog bookbag. It hooks over the shoulders and also across the chest like a harness, the "leash" is actually detachable, so if you see him as fine for a little while you can just take the leash off and he can wear his new "bookbag".

I, too, have seen people using these thing and tugging on the leashes like their kid was no more than some animal. As long as you know you won't fall into that, there should be no problems. There are some cute ones out there, and people who have not used one will most likely think it's just a cute book bag at least half the time. (and if they do notice the leash, it will most likely be because it is pulled tight because your kid was on the way to the busy intersection, and they will say, wow, great idea. I wouldn't worry overmuch about it.)

(I didn't end up getting one because I didn't want to spend that much money on it at that point in time, and I was only going to use it one evening at a carnival type thing. .. plus they were out of monkeys. haha)

[edit]puppy one decided to look one up![/edit]

Heh, that puppy backpack is pretty cute actually. He does love to hide things in containers, so maybe he would like to put his small toys in a backpack like this.

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It is your child's safety and your sanity.


Be like an aspie and don't notice the looks other people give you. Or if you do notice, remember that you're right, they're wrong, and don't give a crap about what they think. Not a good social attitude to have all the time, but in some circumstances it serves quite well.

That kid needs stimulation. Nothing will help until he gets his stimulation! He might have ADD and need to take something for it, or he might need a lot more attention and people to stimulate him with his favorite things, play with him, join him in his world. I really don't like the idea of any kind of restraints; when I see children restrained with leashes or in strollers or whatever I feel like there are issues; a 2-year-old doesn't understand why he "has to" be restrained. Even if taking Ritalin (just a tiny tiny little bit) makes him passive on the outside I think it would stimulate him on the inside.

If you have tried everything else, including re-thinking where you go and how you do it, and are left with a harness as the best and only solution you can think of to keep your child safe: then do what you have to do, and ignore what anyone else thinks.

Life isn't full of perfect choices. Sometimes we have to make imperfect ones and feel confident that we've still done the absolute best we are capable of given the real life situations we face.

What exactly is the problem with a harness? Is it the association with dogs?

She's not talking about tying him to a leash out in her front yard, it's more of an issue of "hey we are out, oh let me grab something out of the car right quick... wait, where'd bob go?"

we took our 2 year old to a restaurant and when we were done eating I put him on the floor, turned around to grab his coat off of a bench that was about one foot away, and by the time I had his coat ready for him (4 seconds max) he was two isles away. The child may need stimulation, but there are times when you just can't provide that, like when you reach down to grab his cup out of the stroller, stand back up and he is 10 feet ahead of you and heading for traffic.

It is not a permanent solution, it's a hey we got to pick someone up at a crowded air port and we don't have child care thing. Or a hey look, Shamu!! type thing. When mine were really little they rode around in a little harness thing attached to my chest, and I can't tell you how many times I have had to grab the back of collars to stop my boys from not looking before crossing into a store from the parking lot. Kids just get really excited sometimes and forget that hey, I'm susposed to look both ways. They are thinking more of, "I have 5 bucks and I'm going to find something really cool for it."

[edit]yes, it's the association with animals and leashes. I think just about everyone has seen someone abusing the leash thing with a child by yanking them around too.[/edit]

Keep him out of restaurant until he's able to handle it.
I agree with Ana--restraints are not healthy and I would reconsider this.

Avoid busy places. Always keep your two-year old right next to you. Let him/her push something to keep them busy. I used to give my two-year old food and kept him in carriage to keep him busy while in the grocery store. Forget shopping at the mall--maybe just a visit to let him run a bit in front o fme, within view.

Child will percieve this as a leash--think of this--as he/she looks at animals on leashes. NOt good for psychological health of child. Most kids despite restraints---understandably.

Once upon a time, we used to tie kids to the trees to keep them close by and so called safe. We also used to dip the deranged in buckets of ice.

It's 2008. We know so much more about alternative methods of dealing with active children. Even a back pack would be preferable--then he could ride on your back? Maybe he's too big.

Active two-year olds are tough, but if you allow outtings based on what he can handle, he will learn, in a humane way, how to act out in public. It's really a primal reaction--to run. My son did this too when he got into an open space. I found ways to work with him. Now, at eight, he always walks with me, nicely, in a store or mall and I even give him special tasks (get certain foods) and he likes this. I can always trust him now. If I had him on a harness, I don't know that he would have learned how to act civilized out in public. Our kids (some kids) need more time, that's all. Give it to them.

equinn

equinn

I will add: my parents used a harness with my son when he was 2 or 3, because they worried about being able to keep him safe givin their limited physical ability to chase him. He never thought twice about it. They explained their reasoning to him, and it was a simple choice that was laid before him: go places with just his grandparents and wear a harness, or stay inside when his grandparents were caring for him. He had zero, ZERO trouble picking for the former.

Your son's safety should always have a higher priority over what other people think. Don't let other people dictate to you what is proper. They don't love your son. They'd rather act superior by judging others.

I just thought of something else else I wanted to add. For perspective, I never had a harness as a child, nor did I need one (probably because I was scared stiff around strangers and never let go of my mom's leg). I don't yet have any kids. However, as an adult aspie, in overstimulating places like cities my boyfriend often needs to hold my hand so prevent me from getting run over. I see something exciting and forget to look both ways. My parents held my hand until I was about 12 and became socially conscious enough to think i was too old. When I met my boyfriend, I remembered how reassuring it can be to have a little bit of restraint from someone who loves me holding me back.
I know I can open my senses to see, hear, and smell everything, without having to bother myself with pesky personal safety issues. So in a way, its a bit of a break.