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I am the proud father of a wonderful 13-month-old son. Over the past several weeks, I have begun to wonder if an autism diagnosis of some kind is in his future, given striking (and recent) apparent language regression and name-recognition difficulties. I understand that autism is a complex set of conditions and that he’s still young for us to start tossing around labels of any kind, but I’d like to be the absolute best dad I can whatever his future holds. For that reason, I was hoping to get some advice because my wife and I are both NT, as are all our family members.

If there are any dads with sons on the spectrum here, what advice do you wish someone gave you at our life stage?

Thank you all for your thoughts

Many people respond to parenting by comparing their child to others and seeking to address what is lacking.

It can be more helpful to consider your child in comparison to himself and exhort and encourage his next developmental step. This works with average children, downs children, gifted children, or challenged children.

In a way, you want your child to have the best future possible. Sadly, many parents think that this is achieved by providing their child with every comfort and advantage only to see that their children become lazy, selfish, and thankless.

If you child does have some Aspergers, you may discover that the affection you hope to receive will be greatly delayed, if expressed at all.

Many new parents see their child in economic terms such that getting a good education so they can get a good job becomes paramount in their thinking. It can be more helpful to take a broader view such that having your child possess integrity, honesty, a good work ethic, compassion, humor, consideration, and similar character qualities become of increasing importance.

Here is a booklet that may be helpful;

http://christianpioneer.com/blogarchiev ... g%20v2.pdf

Autistic children are not neurotypical children. Autistic children are not born to fit in, but to stand out.

So, whenever you take an action with the sole purpose to make your son to "fit in," (if he is autistic) then you should probably reconsider.

Case in example: I spoon fed my daughter until she was 10 years old. She is 11 years old now. I did not care an iota other people's opinion. I never asked her or her school to pay attention to her academic performance. I always tell the teachers: creativity is the only thing I care. However, surprisingly, she is not only at the top rank in her school, I recently looked at her academic scores (there are standard state tests), she is actually at the top rank of the state, year after year. She composes her own music. And she is proud to be autistic, publicly. I mean, people wouldn't believe that such a smart girl was spoon-fed until last year. Sure, all the teachers, ABA therapists/supervisors, even people in this forum, fall in dismay at how I raise my children. But hey, those people don't have absolute pitch capability like my daughter, or color synethesia like my son. My son also wrote his first computer program at age 5. He only started to learn to take shower a few months ago, nowadays I still help him to do the final rinse when he takes a shower. I mean, I am not going to change my way of raising my children just to please other people. Nope. I don't have the inferiority complex of other people. I raise my children not for them to fit in, but for them to stand out. PEOPLE MAY LAUGH AT YOU, CRITICIZE YOU, but hey, I look at their lives and my life and my children's lives, and I see how other people suffer and how happy my family is, and I scratch my head. It's funny that people that live miserable lives want to give me advices and recommendations. Ha ha. The other day I taught my daughter to dance a few Waltz steps with me. It's like a dream come true. Sometimes I feel like I live in heaven. And my neurotypical wife is the one that constantly tell other people, that if had a choice and have to do it all over again, she would still choose to raise autistic children. Life is just so much more fun.

I'd say the mistake of people is to project what they see today into what they think will be tomorrow. I mean, they see a 10-year-old being spoon-fed and they worry to death. They see a 4-year-old not talking and they worry to death. They see a 4-year-old not potty trained and they worry to death. They see a 9-year-old not taking shower by themself and they worry to death. Come on. Look at the statistics. Most autistic people eventually can feed themselves, take care of their own hygiene, and are able to talk. So, why should I worry about things that need no worrying, at all? Nope, I don't spend time worrying about those things so just to please neurotypical folks. I only care about whether my children are creative, whether they are acquiring deep reasoning skills. Guess what? After they are fully developed intellectually, even sensory issues disappear. Do you think that a highly intellectual person (without physical disability) will be wearing diapers, or not being able to take a shower? You develop the brain of these children, everything else fix themselves, no need to worry, at all. That's how my children come out, at the end of the day, ahead of all their autistic peers. While other parents waste time and effort in making their children social, increasing the so-called "executive functions," I was developing my children's intellectual skills, deep reasoning skills.

Neurotypical children are awful, they would take advantage of you. BUT, autistic children are too busy with their minds to think about taking advantage of other people. So, they are actually a lot easier to handle. No punishment/reward needed. Punishment/reward is the way how you raise neurotypical children, but spells disaster for autistic children. For autistic children, it's all about fun and facts. No manipulation needed.

It's all about brain development. Don't let the brain of the children go idle. Expand from their interests. For instance, my son learned all the skills he'll ever need to learn, and more, from elevators. Sure, there are gazillions of parents that take their children to elevators. But it seems like nobody else realizes that you can actually leverage a child's interest to develop their other abilities. Take a look at this picture. The boy has fun playing with sand.



There is nothing wrong with this picture. It's great for kids to play with sand. But there is something very wrong with the parents and with our society in general: the parents did not leverage their children's interests to develop their children's brain. (See https://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=377845).

For young autistic children, two things are a must: (1) Reading. They need to learn to read ASAP. Draw pictures and write down words for them. Communicate to them through their eyes, not through their ears. (2) Vegetable/Fruit smoothie. (Frequent flossing/brushing, of course.)

I mean, check around. I've seen countless horror stories, some children, by the time they go to dentists, have to have so many teeth pull out. Things like that. Why? They become picky eaters, and their brains are not developed enough that you can reason with them.

I always find it funny that people pay so much attention to talking, socializing, and making friends. I mean, I look at the parents/teachers that care so much about those aspects, and I look at their children. When your children cannot even reason or understand your messages, and you are spending all your effort in those other things? Come on. Give me a break. When those children can't grow up and have skills to get a job and live independently, and you are worrying about them not talking, socializing or making friends? Sometimes I just can't understand the priority of those teachers/parents. They raise autistic children to become comatose adults. Making friends while being comatose, while not being able to get a job? I mean, what's the point? Yet, that's exactly what our current approach to autism is. We ignore the white elephant in the room: brain underdevelopment. And we then chase after things like talking, socializing, making friends, etc. It's so hopeless to yank people out of their neurotypically-induced biases. They don't even realize how wrong they are. They don't even realize all the damage they are causing in their children. When you look at all that, sometimes you wonder just who exactly have intellectual disability and behavioral problems. Nope, the children are perfectly fine. It's our society the one with intellectual disability and behavioral problems. We have been treating the wrong patients, all along.

Autistic children are not neurotypical children. I've only have had fun and good time with my children. I have a very happy family, with two extremely happy and creative children. I scratch my head at why other families suffer. I mean, all I see is that other people create problems where there were none. I do things that are obvious to me, but that other people don't do. Look at the boy playing with sand, and try to understand why I would scream at their parents. I see lost opportunities. That's how so many autistic children become comatose adults. People don't understand that there are two ways of teaching: push, vs. pull. With autistic children, it's not about pushing knowledge into their brains. It's about pulling them from their interests, into new knowledge/skill areas.

Low-functioning children are not born low-functioning. They are made low-functioning. Look again at the child playing sand. That's how we make low-functioning children in our society. Nope, playing sand is perfectly fine. It is great for children to play with sand. BUT, ask yourself: what else have you done to expand the interests and skill set of the child, from their passions (like playing sand in this case)? See, I've shown this picture to other parents. NONE had an idea what I was talking about, until I explained to them. Isn't it sad? Most parents would just let golden opportunities slip away. It's no wonder their children don't develop well. Parents don't even realize that they are the ones that have made their children low-functioning. The intellectual disability is not on the side of children. It's on the side of adults. And that is the saddest thing about autism: that our society continues to treat the wrong patients.

Autism is not a disease/disorder/disability/deficiency/defect/detriment, it's simply a difference. It really requires a "brain reboot" for people to change their mindset. People don't realize that all the problems in autistic children happen because adults start with their left foot, in viewing autism as a defect. So they always look at "corrective actions," while neglecting to develop their children. It's kind of hopeless to change people's mind. People don't realize that, because of their mindset, they are causing problems in their children.

I am the mother of a five year old who has been diagnosed with ADHD, and who is abnormally large, very smart, and very anxious. He takes up all of my time and energy.

I have a masters degree in sociology with a concentration in working autistic adults. My husband has Aspergers. I am neurotypical (not autistic, no ADHD). I am 42. That should do it for intro information, lol.

13 months old is early for a diagnosis in anything, but you could definitely get him diagnosed with something. Whether or not that will be accurate will be a toss up. If you get a diagnosis, keep in mind it may change as your son ages. Keep in mind that if there was NOTHING going on, you could also get some kind of diagnosis if you shopped around enough. People do, unfortunately.

The diagnosis can help if you need to put him in daycare or preschool. It’s an official reason for other adults not to mess with him. A LEGAL reason they will take seriously.

However, you and others may start to see the diagnosis as an explanation for why he is good at or not good at things. For example, you may assume he doesn’t make eye contact because of autism, and then not get his eyes checked. What if he’s nearsighted? What if he has an allergy and freaks out about something normal because it hurts him? What if he’s smart and is being quiet because he has too many words in his mind and can’t put them in order? He may be skipping babbling and go straight to sentences. So there’s all that to think about.

If it is autism, don’t worry about your dad/son relationship. My husband and my son are best friends. They kid around, do things together, have serious talks, do fart jokes, all the stuff I’m sure you’re looking forward to with your little guy. I would say their different brains help the relationship. If they were too much alike maybe they wouldn’t have as much fun.

Pay attention to your child. Figure out and respond to his unique needs. Invest time and attention. Those are the most important things at this stage of his life, ASD or not.

Since this is your first post, Welcome to Wrong Planet.

My first impression is that 13 months is a little soon for thinking he is autistic/Aperger. Boys in general develop later than girls in early childhood development.

Also since you said "my wife and I are both NT, as are all our family members". That also makes me doubt your fears, since Aspergers/Autism is mostly genetic.

Just because no one in your family is on the spectrum, doesn't mean your kids won't have autism. There was no one in either one of my parents families that had autism, yet both my siblings have severe autism and I have aspergers.


Now, about the "language regression", I'll tell you something. When I was 1 year old, I had started talking a little bit, but then, I suddenly stopped being able to talk! When I was 4, however, I suddenly blurted out "Iowa" one day when my dad and I were watching The Weather Channel. The rest is history.

To this day, neither me nor my parents know why that happened. That same thing may be the case with your son. He sadly might not be able to talk again. But I'm sure you'll accept him regardless. Good luck!

mind the marker-line when entering the narcissism by proxy scenery

Of course there are epigenetic factors as well. That's how identical twins can be different when it comes to autism. That is also how autism can skip generation(s).

Nonetheless, when you look at broader family history carefully, you actually will find some signs, most of the times. Genetic mutations can and do happen, but in the case of autism, I would say those cases should be considered rare. Epigenetic differences are much more likely to be the explanation.

Autism is badly in need of a non-human-opinion-dependent diagnosis. All too many people are on the spectrum without knowing it. As I have point it out elsewhere, autism is a phase-transition type of phenomenon: you either have it, or you don't. There is no room for middle ground. You are either neurotypical or autistic. Diagnosing autism from the perspective of social skills (or lack thereof) is pure BS, and pretty soon we will need to trash all the part A criteria of DSM V. We need a more scientific approach. The new approach using EEG and response to visual stimuli looks like the right direction to go.

Does he point to things he wants? Does he say things like mama and dada? How is he about being held? Does he exhibit anxiety when you go away? How does he play with toys?

I would say most 13-month-olds cannot hold a conversation. Many don't even speak one intelligible word---but are "normal" in every way.

I'm not "against" him having autism. But, like others stated, it's still too early, in many cases, to determine if a person is autistic.

It would be useful if you would write down a list of things which indicate, to you, that he might have autism.