Identify better with your AS kids than your NT kids?

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schleppenheimer
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20 Oct 2007, 9:15 am

I'm not being hyper-serious here, just wanting to hear other's opinions on the subject.

I really enjoy my two AS boys. They are funny, inquisitive, sensitive, thoughtful, and better at keeping their rooms clean.

My NT daughter, who, from other's perspectives, is quite literally a perfect child, often drives me crazy. She's good-looking, relatively popular, athletic, gifted musically, and very bright and hardworking. She's thoughtful to others outside of the family, very conscious of making sure people feel included in the group, and has respect for authority.

But man, she drives me nuts. She's a type A. I'm a type B. That's a lot of the problem. But the other side is we have to drive this kid EVERYWHERE, her room's a mess, sometimes she's not very respectful of me, and I get tired of her perfectionism. I have to admit, sometimes it is real nice to have a kid who is good to others, who we don't have to check about her homework responsibilities, etc., but wow -- she is high maintenance.

Take school out of the mix, and my youngest child (on the spectrum) is so low-maintenance it's amazing.

Do you guys run into this type of situation with your AS kids vs. your NT kids?

Kris



aurea
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20 Oct 2007, 3:51 pm

Hi!
Not sure about my "other kid" :lol: But I do know that for all J's issues he is much nicer and easier to deal with than his peers (even their parents have commented) I wouldn't swap with any of my friends kids for anything in the world.



Goche21
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20 Oct 2007, 3:59 pm

I hope your daughter doesn't read your posts...

People tend to bond with those alike to them easier than those who aren't. Don't let your daughter know she frustrates you, nothing hurts more than being the least favorite...



siuan
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21 Oct 2007, 11:16 pm

I don't know. I have a daughter who is four and recently diagnosed with autism, suspected Asperger's. And my son is two and I am still waiting just to hear him call me mama. I don't know what having an NT child is. I assume, from what I know of NT teens and adults, it would be taxing on the nerves, but I think every child has challenges. Your daughter sounds like a wonderful girl, you must be very proud.


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lastcrazyhorn
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21 Oct 2007, 11:40 pm

I think that I was always the least favorite child . . . and now as we've all grown up, it's turned out that I'm the responsible one, the hardworking one, the reliable one, the lowest maintenance one . . . should I go on? And now my father and mother keep telling me how happy they are that I'm like this.

I could have heard that earlier, honestly.


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schleppenheimer
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22 Oct 2007, 8:09 am

I think that I've given the wrong impression -- my daughter is not the least favorite at all. She's CURRENTLY the most frustrating, but I know how quickly that can change. I also know that she is the easiest in most ways -- I don't ever need to worry about her following through on her responsibilities, I know she works as hard as she possibly can on her schoolwork, and I trust her judgment totally in terms of dating. She's a great kid, and keeps me laughing all of the time.

I think that I'm more puzzled by my frustration with this child -- one would think that I would feel higher frustration levels from the kids on the spectrum, but I don't. I'm more frustrated by the sheer amount of work that has to be done to keep the Type A kid on track.

Kris



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23 Oct 2007, 6:12 am

Kris, your posts always strike a chord with me. To answer briefly, yes, I more closely identify with Z than S. His thought processes and interests are more like mine. We bonded very tightly when he was 4 and that has continued since. I'll be back have to break up sibling conflict.


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schleppenheimer
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23 Oct 2007, 11:00 am

Corsarzs -- It's interesting to hear that you experience things this way as well.

What I find kind of odd is that I think (?) that I'm NT (but getting more AS the older I get) -- so you would think that I would identify more easily with the NT child.

Then again, this could simply be that mothers and daughters don't get along so well when daughters are around 16 years. This could all change radically in a couple of years.

And, again, my daughter is a really great kid -- nothing wrong with her -- it's her mother that has a problem!

Kris



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04 Nov 2007, 8:26 am

lastcrazyhorn wrote:
I think that I was always the least favorite child . . . and now as we've all grown up, it's turned out that I'm the responsible one, the hardworking one, the reliable one, the lowest maintenance one . . . should I go on? And now my father and mother keep telling me how happy they are that I'm like this.

I could have heard that earlier, honestly.


Why is that, seriously? Parents always seem to like the whiny, emotionally needy, irresponsible kids, not the kids who have their sh*t together. I'm starting to think it's because the former type makes the parents feel comfortable in their superiority, and every move of the latter seems a challenge to that superiority, particularly if the child is also somewhat contemptuous of what they perceive as the parents failings.



schleppenheimer
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04 Nov 2007, 8:40 am

Hazelwudi, I think you hit the nail on the head.

My daughter that SO has her act together does make me feel inferior. She is just so responsible, and so nice, and so smart -- and in the process of being all these things, sometimes she does act superior to me. This doesn't make me love her less, because at the same time that she is all these things, she is sometimes very kind to me, and is ALWAYS extremely funny, so we have a lot of fun together as well.

The odd thing in our situation is that the responsible child (daughter) is often the whiny one, mostly just because she's a 16 year old girl. The AS child (son) is not needy AT ALL, other than the help that he requires for schoolwork. Other than that, he's the easiest kid in the world, and THAT's why I'm often more comfortable with him.

Kris



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05 Nov 2007, 12:36 am

I kind of think too that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I was never the squeaky wheel--always got good grades, etc...never caused any trouble, but I was never the center of attention b/c of it.....my brother with bad grades, fights, inability to hold a job....he is the one who is the "favorite" and I assume it is b/c my mom figured he needed the help and I was doing okay on my own.

PS I only have one 3 1/2 year old AS boy, so I can't compare to any sibs....but social/school issues aside, he is sweeter and quieter and more "low maintenance" than any of my friends kids :wink:

Kate



schleppenheimer
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05 Nov 2007, 9:28 pm

My experience here is that you go through phases with your kids, and the younger ones are often easier to like because the older ones are so high maintenance, for whatever reason.

I'm sure my youngest, who is a pleasure right now, will turn into a painful teenager, and suddenly, my daughter, by then in college and far away, will be my favorite!

Kris