Aspie Friends or NT Friends???

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I have mentioned in other threads that I am having a very hard time finding friends for my aspie 6 year old boy. I was wondering what was your advice or experience on the topic as parents of aspie children or as adult aspies yourselves. Is it better to try to find aspie friends, do they relate better, build better friendships or is it healthier to try and have him relate to NT children and teach him to handle the NT world? Help please. Any suggestions, ideas, anything welcome!! !

I find that I tend to get on better with other Aspie's - most of the time. They're often on the same page as me and therefore easier to find common ground with. I don't have any really close NT friends at the moment.

when i was a kid, we made our own friends.

just a thought.

Well, my first instinct is to let him just find whatever friends he will on his own. But if you're looking to give him a small nudge in a particular direction, aspie friends may be able to relate to him better.

As far as I know, all of my friends in childhood were NTs. It could get quite frustrating at times but I do believe they helped me socially. They sort of forced me to be more social, and I also got to observe how they behaved in given situations. I don't think I'd be as open as I am now if I didn't have them, plus it gave me a chance to see how not to act as well. I had some crazy friends...

Having both is definatly preffered though, I wish I had aspies friends as a kid.

I would say both. He will probably get along better with other kids with asperger, but the more experience he has with NTs the better

Does your son have brothers and sisters? This is a great door to the NT world, especially if they bring friends home.
Otherswise my son plays mainly with kids with AS, because he goes to school with them. His best friend is from school - they got on like a house on fire from day one, which is very lucky/special, I think.
He isn't exposed to many different kids, so often his friendships develope over time, despite the chemistry not being great from the beginning.
We have started meeting with the other kids from my son's class, and their parents, the first Saturday of every month, at a park where there is plenty of room. It's a kind of open arrangement, that lasts about an hour to an hour and a half. Great fun for the kids, no worrying about manners, cause all the kids have AS, and great to have a chat to the other parents.
The other thing I'm doing is trying to build a friendship to a friend's son, who has AS, by having him over for very structured games, like uno, playstation, or computer.

Last edited by katrine on 30 Jan 2008, 1:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My only friends are really sociable types who can get along well with anybody

i wouldn't interfere unless he seems totally unable to make friends of his own......if this is the case, then it *might* be easier gor him to get along with NT kids who are somewhat socially savvy.........my son's best friend is NT. they've been best friends since they were in kindergarten together before there was ever a talk of a dx.....

I would say both are good. However, if your child has behaviors, then the mother of an AS child might be more tolerant. I'm extremely tolerant of ASD behaviors, esp. the bad ones because I've seen it all before at home

Everybody, thanks for the thoughts.
Nan and Ster, my boy doesn't have any friends at all, if he didn't mind, then I would be OK with it, but he does mind, he is painfully aware of this and he suffers because of it. So, as a mother, I feel I need to intervene and give some help until he is able to figure it out by himself, or at least try to help him. I can't just leave him alone to just manage by himself, it would be cruel I think, obviously he needs some guidelines and a little push. That is the reason I am asking other moms or adult aspies who have gone thourgh this, to give me their aid, so I don't have to "invent the wheel" all over again.
Thanks again everybody!

I'm torn because I couldn't make friends by 7 and so I got default friends. They were the more popular children of my mom's friends. It was awful and very confusing and led to a lot of lifelong pain.

I could see the same thing happening to my son, who wants to have close relationships but can't maintain them.
He gravitates towards other "special needs" children, the adhd'ers, only children and other autistics. But nothing lasting. There are a surprising amount of undiagnosed children that have parents in denial who don't like my son.

It may feel cruel to see him without friends but is it any better to match him up with people that will hurt him?

Aspies are much better- after all they'll talk about interesting stuff instead of ridiculous nonsense like famous people and how to fix their hair.

I've always preferred people who were a few years younger, or a few years older. It would be great if you could find maybe a mature 9 year old to mentor your son.

My son has very few close friends, if any. Yet, he is very sociable and likeable, it seems. He prefers adults or anyone who can provide him with something. He is very independent minded.

I hope at his new school he makes some new friends that he would like to play with after school etc. He needs some buddies. I'm going to get him into a summer program and try to keep him busy now that he's eight. I think he's definitely ready.

equinn

All my friends are NT.

It would be cool to know more aspies that are on the same wave length as me though

In that case, to avoid being a helicopter mom, I'd advise you to coach him on how to be a friend and what to expect IRL. And be sure to explain to him that friends aren't quite like puppies or a box of socks or something that you just go out and get. The best way to find a friend is to be a friend, and it's not a given that being nice to people will always work.

I understand your pain, but you really won't be helping him if you go "get" him some friends - they won't be his friends. They'll be kids who are being forced to interact with him by the adults around them. If you think he won't get the short end of that, there's not a lot I can say. I was on both sides of that when I was young - "friends" were found for me and they resented it, and I was dragged over to other peoples' houses and told to "go play" with the kid there - who I didn't like, necessarily, and who didn't particularly want to play with me either. It doesn't work out well that way.

If he has an interest, I'd suggest placing him in a group that has a similar interest. He's more likely to run into someone who might want to interact with him there.

Best of luck to him.

(PS I am Aspie and my daughter is Aspie as well, but this pretty much applies to all flavors of kids, I suspect.)

At six, maybe all he really wants is for someone to do stuff with. My son does a Saturday Fun club through our local special recreation organization. There are a few kids there he calls his friends, even though that is the only place he ever sees them. That's enough for him right now.