teacher too stern?

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My son has been complaining for quite some time that the special ed teacher raises his voice. How should I address this? I think my son is irritating to him--I seriously do. He's been out of the mainstream for some time now due to an issue with another student in his class and I think this is making matters worse. Who should I believe? I don't want a teacher snapping at my eight-year old all the time. I know my son misperceives tone sometimes, but he describes exactly what is said when it was said etc. The special ed teacher seems frazzled, overloaded and is taking it out on my son. He yelled at him about "butting in" to a conversation another teacher was having with a student. My son tends to answer questions not specifically directed at him--this is how he is. He shared that he had a hood on his coat. I don't feel the special ed teacher should have raised his voice at my son for this. A gentle reminder would or look would have sufficed.

Any ideas/comments would be appreciated.

equinn

I know that when I get yelled at I tend to shut down completely and I'm 30 years old. This makes it hard to both listen to what is being said (yelled) and impossible to communicate back in an effective way.

Perhaps if you approached it as something you have noticed at home and while out with your son, that he disengages when people raise thier voices but that if they lower thier voice and engage him on a one on on level he get less overwhelmed and listens more. By saying you discovered it at home you are preventing her from immediately getting on the defensive and you might have a better chance of her hearing and implementing what you are suggesting.

If that doesnt work I would take it to the principal, yelling is no way to teach your child appropriate social skills.

I have confronted and I don't care if they get defensive or lie about it. I say, "My son doesn't respond (like other children) to yelling or raised voices, indeed he will mirror it. Yelling provokes him."
You can agree that sometimes you raise your voice at home and immediately notice that it backfires on you.
It goes without saying that a teacher should not be yelling at any student, let alone special ed students. But I've witnessed it many times. Our particular problem is with yard duty monitor. The school would pass it off as an aberration, but we persisted. If that "aberration", the yard duty had power to get my son in trouble and provoke tantrums then she better learn to talk to him in a more effective way.

Your son may well be unintentionally annoying his special ed teacher but that is no excuse at all. If someone can't handle autistic behaviors without getting angry, they have no business being in special ed in the first place. If this teacher is yelling at your son, he needs to be fired and should never be allowed to work in special education again. In my opinion, it is that simple.

I would do the following:

1. Document, document, document. Document every single incident of inappropriate behavior by this teacher. Gather every shred of evidence you can.

2. If you haven't already, have a talk with the special education teacher. Explain autism/Aspergers to him and how his behavior is hurting your son.

3. If this doesn't help (it probably won't), go to the principal and formally complain about this teacher.

4. If that doesn't help, submit a formal complaint to the school district.

5. If the school district doesn't help, discuss it with a lawyer.

Your son has a right to go to school without being bullied by either his peers or his teachers. He has a right to be respected by both his peers and his teachers. I would start bucking the system in every imaginable way until they start respecting your son.

The problem with treating it like a discipline issue, though, is that they may join you on that path and start documenting every bad thing the child does. Then you are wasting time counting "sins" and defending your son. Treating it as an IEP issue keeps it to the point and hopefully, the IEP team would see the value in dealing with teacher behavior on that level.

We had something similar happen to us at the last school we were at. The aide, teacher and principal all participated in harassing and provoking my son throughout the day. We tried to keep it an IEP issue, but they weren't required to be properly trained in autism. So, when we complained to the district, they filed a complaint on our son about his "aggression". They managed to pre-date it too, to make it look like they initiated the district intervention.

from experience, i feel it's best to ask the teacher about what happened from their perspective....and if at all possible, also get the perspective of student(s) who witnessed whatever incident..........son, when he was in regular ed middle school would often mispercieve other's intent & tone of voice....( still does actually, but not as much)......at any rate, at first i was livid about all the stories he'd come home and tell me~they sounded plausible. in the end, some were true. some were not....you want your kid's teacher to be your ally~someone who has your child's best interest in mind. accusing them , when it is a misunderstanding does not endear you or your child to them.

If you read through my post again, you'll see that I suggested talking to the teacher before taking the matter up with the principal. Documenting inappropriate behavior is always a good idea -- just because you are documenting it doesn't mean the school has to know that you are documenting it.

If it gets to the point of a formal complaint to the principal, they can document what the child does all they want to. That is completely irrelevant to the basic fact that yelling at a special education child is irresponsible and unacceptable. If you walk into the principal's office with a long list of inappropriate behaviors from the teacher, any reasonable principal will have to take the matter seriously.

I agree that the IEP needs to specifically address the issue. The problem with relying solely on that, however, is that schools do not always follow what is in the IEP. If the teacher has difficulty dealing with autistic behaviors (and it sounds like he does), he may not change just because an IEP says he should. I've learned from painful experience that a lot happens in school that the parents never find out about. In most cases, for every bad thing you find out about, there are 8 or 9 that you didn't find out about. If you rely solely on the IEP, you may have nowhere to go if things don't change. If you haven't been documenting the unprofessional behavior, there will be little you can do if the teacher and/or school starts BSing you to deny that a problem exists.

Again, I would stress that I am not proposing to try to get the teacher fired as a first step. The first step is simply to start quietly documenting unprofessional behavior so you have the evidence if you later find that you need it. As soon as possible, have a friendly talk with the teacher. Explain to him how autism affects your son and suggest effective ways that he can work with your child. This may or may not work, but if it doesn't work you need to be prepared to get tougher.

I see what you mean. When I say "treat it like an IEP" issue, I generally don't mean referring to writing up plans, but referring to IEP goals already in progress. For instance, "Pop's goal is to stay in the class for 90% of the day, but we see that he is having meltdowns when he is scolded by the teacher. Pop won't meet the IEP goal if this keeps happening. What is your plan to prevent this pattern of behavior?"

This forces them to look at their behavior as a possible obstacle to providing education in the Least Restrictive Environment.

I absolutely agree about "I've learned from painful experience that a lot happens in school that the parents never find out about. In most cases, for every bad thing you find out about, there are 8 or 9 that you didn't find out about."

Precisely, nobody wants a child to grow up angry that they didn't go in to bat for them against an adult who was mistreating them. Yelling is horrible and a teacher who yells is not an effective teacher and needs to get some anger management training or go into a different profession.

If it bothers him, just tell him not to do the things that piss off the teacher. The teacher may be a bit uptight, but there are people like that everywhere.

Okay okay. I'm officially in the category of overthinking parent. I agree. But, then again, if it were as easy as you suggest, I wouldn't be here.

You must realize that I've considered your suggestion to tell my son to knock it off, so I suppose it isn't so original (sorry to deflate your balloon).

I posted what I did after exhaustive measures to have my son just shut up and behave.

No, it isn't so clear cut, unfortunately. Kids who have some autism prove to be a bit more challenging and difficult to manage. Right?

People will have to accomodate my son. If they don't, I don't want them working on a daily basis with him. He requires a bit extra. I've come to accept this and have to deal with it. If a professional is too stern, a child, especially a 3rd grader with an ASD, will shut down and become anxious. I know this to be true. Most posters will attest to this. This professional needs a bit more training in dealing with kids on the spectrum.


Thanks anyway.

equinn

Having a yelling teacher in 2nd grade made me physically ill. I don't think it should be excusable for teachers to yell at kids, particularly kids with disabilities.