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saspurrific
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17 Dec 2007, 7:00 pm

My daughter was just diagnosed with Sensory integration disorder, she is 27 months old. No one in my family has had this , so this whole topic is new for me. My mother told me to give her a sibling as soon as possible, that this will help her tremendously. My concern is the chances of my next being an Nt or another child with spectrum . Is their a high risk ?

Very confused mom



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17 Dec 2007, 7:11 pm

IIRC sibling cooccerance rate is estimated at like 10-20%, so not that high. i cant find the place i got that number atm so not 100% sure but realitivly sure.



KimJ
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17 Dec 2007, 7:17 pm

Lol, grandparents will find any reason to promote babies. I heard about until my son started school, then everyone shut up about "giving him a little brother".

Sometimes I think a sibling would help but I can't multitask and for several years, he had some really bad self-management skills-a lot of agression.

SID alone shouldn't present those problems.



Zsazsa
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17 Dec 2007, 7:41 pm

A sibling will take away alot of your care and attention that she needs from you...as a child will many siblings, I was pushed into
the "shadows" of my siblings who were all NTs as my parents' focus of attention was so divided.



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17 Dec 2007, 7:45 pm

One is enough for me. I can't imagine trying to care for another child, especially one with problems. My son goes to daycare so he gets the socialization he needs, and I still get to keep my sanity.



ster
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17 Dec 2007, 8:10 pm

such a personal decision....do you feel ready to add another ?



Paula
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17 Dec 2007, 9:16 pm

I agree this is very personal. If you want another child then have another child. If not or unsure waiting is ok. I wouldn't recommend anything permanant as you may regret that later.



sinagua
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17 Dec 2007, 11:04 pm

One is enough for us. We got a bit of pressure to have "just one more", "for him to have someone to play with" - but that presumes he actually WOULD play with a sibling, and we have our doubts. Now that he's about to turn 9 and we're about to hit our 40's, people have stopped badgering us to have another, thank god. He is more than enough - we know our limitations. Another kid would've killed us and we felt it wouldn't have been fair to the second child.

/your mileage may vary



lelia
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17 Dec 2007, 11:52 pm

I've heard of sillier reasons for having another child. I think. I must have. ... Maybe not. :?



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18 Dec 2007, 1:49 am

I think that every family should have at least two children, and their difference cannot be more than four years. Why? Let me explain; it'll sound a little philosophical, but understandable for most intelligent people. Look at it from an only child's perspective. An only child ends up being a Lilliput living among the giants (like Gulliver in Brobdingnag), both physically and psychologically. He is surrounded by adults, with no one to communicate with as an equal. Everyone is his daily life is nearly twice his height and at least four times his age. He feels loneliness and isolation, because every person in his family is an authority figure, rather than someone to play with, talk to, or simply share his childhood with. After all, many adults simply forgot what it truly feels like to be a child, and it's nothing like the "happy time of innocence and make-believe" it's cracked up to be.

Kids who have no same-age siblings often ask for a pet, because they want someone in the family who's an equal partner, and for many kids, a dog or cat is more "equal" than a human adult. (On a related note, studies showed than an adult dog has roughly the same intellectual capacity as a six-year-old child.) Of course, if the parents don't like pets, the kid is pretty much SOL (sh** out of luck). If you're still having difficulty understanding the concept, just imagine how you'd feel if everyone at your workplace was your direct manager or supervisor. Or if you have military experience, imagine how you'd feel if everyone in your unit had a higher rank than you.

I think I made myself clear. Thanks for reading.



wsmac
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18 Dec 2007, 2:25 am

Aspie1 wrote:
I think that every family should have at least two children, and their difference cannot be more than four years. Why? Let me explain; it'll sound a little philosophical, but understandable for most intelligent people. Look at it from an only child's perspective. An only child ends up being a Lilliput living among the giants (like Gulliver in Brobdingnag), both physically and psychologically. He is surrounded by adults, with no one to communicate with as an equal. Everyone is his daily life is nearly twice his height and at least four times his age. He feels loneliness and isolation, because every person in his family is an authority figure, rather than someone to play with, talk to, or simply share his childhood with. After all, many adults simply forgot what it truly feels like to be a child, and it's nothing like the "happy time of innocence and make-believe" it's cracked up to be.

Kids who have no same-age siblings often ask for a pet, because they want someone in the family who's an equal partner, and for many kids, a dog or cat is more "equal" than a human adult. (On a related note, studies showed than an adult dog has roughly the same intellectual capacity as a six-year-old child.) Of course, if the parents don't like pets, the kid is pretty much SOL (sh** out of luck). If you're still having difficulty understanding the concept, just imagine how you'd feel if everyone at your workplace was your direct manager or supervisor. Or if you have military experience, imagine how you'd feel if everyone in your unit had a higher rank than you.

I think I made myself clear. Thanks for reading.



WOW! Lucky for my daughter she got an ADD/HD Dad! :D

We tried to have another child but never could.
We wanted one more for our daughter to have a playmate while growing up, and another family member to share life with after her mom and I have passed on in old age (hopeful thinking).

What we wound up with is a mature young lady who has plenty of child-like vigor and curiosity.

I became a stay-at-home dad and did everything I could to get her around other children.
There were a couple of times in her early years she spent with ladies who watched other people's children, but that was so I could go to school or work a fulltime job as a firefighter.

While what you write Aspie1 may be true for some folks, I truly believe one has to consider the differences in each family.


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Aoife
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18 Dec 2007, 2:28 am

lelia wrote:
I've heard of sillier reasons for having another child. I think. I must have. ... Maybe not. :?


Mmhmm... :hmph:

Aspie1 wrote:
An only child ends up being a Lilliput living among the giants (like Gulliver in Brobdingnag), both physically and psychologically. He is surrounded by adults, with no one to communicate with as an equal. Everyone is his daily life is nearly twice his height and at least four times his age. He feels loneliness and isolation, because every person in his family is an authority figure, rather than someone to play with, talk to, or simply share his childhood with.


I got along with people much older than me as a child much, MUCH better than with my peers. And I am sure I am not the only one. And does this supposed kid spend every second of every minute of every day of every month of every year with his/her family? I should hope not. It doesn't matter if a playmate is a sibling to a kid. In fact, unrelated playmates usually get along a lot better because they aren't forced to spend time together.

Save the planet; don't overpopulate it.



nicurn
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18 Dec 2007, 2:38 am

I can give you my perspective as mother of an Aspie and two other children. I find it overwhelmingly difficult some days to adequately address all the needs of my children, much less the wants. I struggle with providing less than stellar parenting to each of the kids as the needs of one of their siblings trumps their desires. I feel guilty taking even a few moments for myself, because I never feel like I've been able to give enough attention to any one child.

On the other hand, Aspie1 has a point, and my children do benefit from having each other around. My boys (one Aspie and one NT) love each other, and learn a lot from each other's perspectives. Neither has ever expressed a desire to be an only child, and I hear them whispering together at night, discussing whatever secrets little boys share.



KimJ
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18 Dec 2007, 3:15 am

Aspies can be "little professors" and adult children, it's a big range. I'd say that while I do have break out the rules for my son, I'm a lot more playful with my son than my big brother was with me. Pop has called me "big sister" for a reason. So, I wouldn't apply the typical rules automatically.



BugsMom
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18 Dec 2007, 11:39 am

sinagua wrote:
One is enough for us. We got a bit of pressure to have "just one more", "for him to have someone to play with" - but that presumes he actually WOULD play with a sibling, and we have our doubts. Now that he's about to turn 9 and we're about to hit our 40's, people have stopped badgering us to have another, thank god. He is more than enough - we know our limitations. Another kid would've killed us and we felt it wouldn't have been fair to the second child.

/your mileage may vary


I absolutely agree. One is enough for us too, though it doesn't stop my parents from dropping hints!