Children First, Rights of the parents come next.

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Last edited by aspergian_mutant on 08 Dec 2007, 3:55 am, edited 4 times in total.

I couldn't read the whole thing but what I did made me cry.

I couldn't read all of it either, but I read about 3/4 of it. Wow, it makes you think. I'm sorry you and your son are going through this.

Last edited by siuan on 10 Dec 2007, 2:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Last edited by aspergian_mutant on 08 Dec 2007, 3:55 am, edited 3 times in total.

You sound like a wonderful father. I wish you all the luck in the world. Please keep us updated.

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Last edited by aspergian_mutant on 08 Dec 2007, 3:56 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Last edited by aspergian_mutant on 08 Dec 2007, 3:56 am, edited 2 times in total.

You might want to be careful about trying to turn in the mother of your child for food stamp fraud. She could turn it around on you and claim she and the child were not properly supported, and you could end up looking petty or vindictive in the eyes of the court.

It would be better for you to build a case based on why you believe she is a poor mother based on issues tangible to the daily care of the child, like drug use, alcohol use, verbal or physical abuse, physical neglect, educational neglect, medical or dental neglect, unstable relationships, poor choice in boyfriends (i.e. if the boyfriends are using drugs or something).



It's always a bad idea, in any custody dispute, to make choices to "get even." The child's interest should be put first, regardless of any anger you might have. If the child will truly be better off with you, build your case on facts, not anger. Family courts are very savvy and can tell the difference, and they tend to punish parents who seem vindictive or combative, as they are viewed as less flexible.

I just noticed your profile states that you are diagnosed. Does she know this? Unfortunately an AS diagnosis can and has been used against parents in custody disputes. Please tread carefully .

The only reason I felt the want to get even I guess is to let her know how it makes me feel
her trying to take our child from me, I do not really want to get even, I am just hurt
and upset right now because she tried and looks like will continue to try,
and at first I must admit I was VARY scared not knowing what to expect,
but over time as I built on my case I found that it looks like I do have
the ball in my court and would win the most custody if I really wanted to and tried.
yes if she keeps fighting what I filed I will go for what custody I can,
but in the end I will ask for equal time, just as I filed, this would mostly be for our child's sake,
ether ask equal time for us or just let her have more time as she asks for it over time
as long as it remains fair to both me and her and especially our child.
I am NOT her, I will not try and strip our child totally away from her even if I could,
that would hurt our child more then it would hurt me or her.

Last edited by aspergian_mutant on 14 Dec 2007, 11:01 am, edited 9 times in total.

It looks like you are very prepared for this and thats great and will benefit you and your son in the long run.

One thing I wanted to mention tho, is (and it looks like you are) to keep your feelings about her to yourself and never ever let your child see your anger regarding her, no matter how bad she is.

My dd's bio father was a major drug addict, spent more time in jail than out and was a huge mess in my life. When I left him for good, I made sure I never, ever said anything negative about him. When she would ask a question, I would answer honestly, but factually. I never bad mouthed him in front of her or did any name calling. I knew that by doing so, it would only hurt her, not him.

Well she is now 20 and knows pretty much what he is like. She had an opportunity to meet up with him recently and decided it was too much for her so she put it off for right now. But she told me how greatful she is on how I raised her and how I never bad mouthed him. She said that would of torn her apart growing up, since she is also a product of him.

And another thing.... when I spoke to my ex over the phone he had all of these natural conclussions that I had turned her against him. I was able to say "Oh no, I never turned her against you, you did that all on your own with your drug use"

Good luck! Your a great dad!

From her what I am seeing is that she basically wants me to disappear out of her life all together,
even if that means striping my child from me as much as she can in hopes that if she totally
has him then I would be forever gone out of HER life, In a way I keep wanting to feel her new bird brained boyfriend is somewhat behind it, but the truth of it is she has a brain of her own, she makes the end decisions regardless
of him or not, she is being so unrealistic and so hateful and bitter.
From her I am seeing that Memories of past misconduct that were once stored away in a mental file marked "unimportant" are rediscovered and suddenly reinterpreted as significant and all encompassing, and the
positive traits and past generous acts I have done blocked from conscious memory, The "ex" becomes the evil other, and after that happens, everything I had ever done or will do or say is perceived through the negative filter,
so no matter how hard I try and work things out reasonably she is only going to fight it, look for the worst in it,
believe only the worst in it and not take the good things at face value, just like my letting her use my car after we broke up, she felt I was just trying to control her with it, no, I was just trying to be and remain friends,
to show her I held no animosity(I think thats the right word for it) toward her, I was just trying to help her.
.

Last edited by aspergian_mutant on 12 Dec 2007, 9:34 am, edited 3 times in total.

Last edited by aspergian_mutant on 14 Dec 2007, 10:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well, seeing as how I missed all those posts from earlier, I don't have a good idea of what's going on... just a guess.

Sorry to hear about your situation.
I find it sad that separations and divorce seems to turn at least one of the partners into a bitter, spiteful person.
I found this to be the case in my divorce.
It's hard to just let the things they do 'roll off your back'.

Because you have a child involved, I do hope things can be worked out for the better... soon.

I'm glad to hear you are working with your child on what ever issues there are.

That's what a parent should do.

Last edited by aspergian_mutant on 14 Dec 2007, 10:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sounds like a good outcome and I hope you can see more of your son. There are some very sad stories out there and all too often, the father is demonised without just cause.

Last edited by aspergian_mutant on 14 Dec 2007, 10:05 pm, edited 2 times in total.