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My sister called and said some horrible things to me because I'm moving to "her" town. She doesn't want my son going to her daughter's school (not even the same age) and riding on the bus. She spoke as if my son is a horrible monster or some vicious bully. She's afraid I wll be bringing his issues to her daughter's school and she is livid.

BTW-we lived in the same town for a number of years, spoke daily, but rarely saw each other.

Also, just a year ago, she was coaxing me to move out her way. Nice, quiet town with excellent schools.

I'm beside myself. I didn't know how to respond to her. We are very close in age and now, I feel like I can never speak to her again after her cruelty.

Anyone else ever experience something similar?

I've never had anything like this happen to me. I wasn't sure how to respond.

Your sister shouldn't be acting like that, she should be more supportive and less selfish and hurtfull.
How much does she know about AS?
Think about what is good for your family and don't be intimidated. I'm sure your sister will get used to the idea, she sounds insecure, and new situations freak insecure people out.
I don't really have much advice, I have similar problems I'm not sure how to deal with!
You do have my sympathy, though.

My initial response: my son acts the way he does because he has Aspergers'...what's your excuse?

I think she's just intimidated at this point. Did she recently have a significant experience with your son, or do you use her as a "venting place" in such a way that she hears more negative than positive things about him?

Has she always had a horrible streak, or is this new?

That is so bizarre of your sister. I imagine that her daughter is NT. I've never had a family member avoid us because my son's issues, but I did lose some friends. The women, who were my so-called friends, all had NT girls. It seems like public school is so slanted in favor of NT "good" girls. It's hard enough on NT boys to get by in public school. It's that much worse for boys on the spectrum. It's unfair.

I would probably assure your sister that you'll be keeping your son away from her daughter and I wouldn't initiate any further contact. I cut those people out of my life who won't meet me halfway. I know my son can be extremely difficult sometimes. Honestly, I don't understand him at times....but, it's not his fault all the time. Give the kid a break.

She is a control freak and hides, I think, from reality. We were very close.

No, we never see her so I don't know how my son could have done anything offensive to her or her daughter. I've discussed his issues, but she knows he's not a monster. He just has attention issues and things of that nature. Somtimes, he says inappropriate things.

Regardless, I could never imagine saying such things to anyone, let alone my sister. She is a part of society that exists--highly educated, successful with no
tolerance for differences. How many of her are in our society today? Many. I believe she is afraid.

I will just move and carry on. It would be nice if I had support--but I can't control what others think/do--only myself. My family, siblings, tend to be suspicious and competitive and negative. I come from a strange family.

Thanks for the kind words,

equinn

Why would she ask you to move out and then scream at you when you decide to? She sounds nutty. I would tell her she's being cruel and she's not allowed near your son anyways.
She's essentially saying that you're not family, if she doesn't want you near her.

Why are you moving to her town? Is it big enough to not deal with her? If it's a small town, she may make it very unpleasant to be near.

That was very cruel and insensitive of your sister. I have a younger sister who is negative and competitive also. She doesn't have chidren yet but has made comments about how her kids will be perfect, and she is tough on my son sometimes.

It's just so bizarre that your sister has an issue with your son attending her daughter's school. Surely he won't be the only kid in school who isn't NT?

this is odd and confusing....can't choose your family though. thank goodness we can choose our friends

thank you, everyone, for your support and understanding.

It helps to have another perspective.

My sister tries to control every aspect of her life and others, including her children.

What she did was nothing less than cruel. I would never speak to her about her kids in such a way, or try to persuade her not to move to the town I live in.

I don't know how I will ever speak to her again, honestly. We talked at least twice a day.

She's said some rude things to me, but this tops it.

The town is big enough where we probably won't run into each other. If we do, I'll simply look the other way, I suppose. How sad that things wound up this way.

Thanks again!! !! This has been a hard blow on top of trying to pack, holidays etc.

My son has been a wonderful help and is enjoying himself--he loves the duct tape. There are always positives.

Happy New Year!

equinn

I'm on your side here as well.

I do wonder if she has had some experience within her own school system that makes her fear you and your son joining in?

I suppose we all know about the feelings of other people who look down on what they call 'special needs' children and all the attention these kids get or need in school.
Perhpas there are some parents there who think the more kids like your son who are at their school, the more it will 'bring down' their status?

I'm really grasping at thin air here... just an idea that popped into my head.

If it's a good school and community overall, I am excited for you!
There's nothing better than having a school system that really tries to work with children from all walks of life, with all sorts of different needs.
Luckily our school system was like that for our daughter and other kids.

How active do you think you can be within the school?
Will you be able to volunteer in the classroom sometimes?
Will you be able to attend PTA meetings or the school board meetings?
I did all these when our daughter was in elementary school... of course, I either worked at the school or worked part time elsewhere because I was the stay-at-home dad.

I learned quite a bit and got to know everyone in our little school district because of this.
I also got to stand up for people and the kids at the school board meetings, which made me feel good.

I wish you well on your move... moving can be quite a chore... quite exhausting both physically and mentally.
But I find moving can be exciting also!

To your sister:






Helen

What a nasty little b.

I can see where she is coming from but really, it's not appropriate. Family is important.