Help ! I think my child is possessed.

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My youngest son has been getting progressively worse over the last few months. He has always been destructive, eating half of our wallpaper, his cot, toys, dog food etc.. from a young age.

Recently, his destructive antics have gone into high gear.

This afternoon, in the space of two hours of lighter than usual supervision he...

1. Squeezed a tube of deep heat into the toilet.
2. Flushed an entire toilet roll
3. Stole a bottle of (sour) milk, a box of cereal and my other son's antibiotics from the kitchen and ate them secretly in his bedroom.
4. Found a crayon and drew all over his walls, door and chair.

Every day, we get an hour or two of this sort of mayhem.

He's been diagnosed with HFA.

I've tried rewarding good behaviour, time out, making lists/rules, shouting and smacking. None of these methods work. If I put him in timeout, he will destroy his room. We've tried to get him to fix his destruction and to apologize. He refuses to do either. I'm scared that I'll kill him - so I've abandoned any smacking/shouting.

This afternoon, I was so frustrated that I got some wide sticky tape and stuck his hands to the bed for 15 minutes until dinner was cooked. He screamed and shouted like the devil was trying to get out but I felt that what I'd done was safer than any other discipline I could have administered.

Help !

Simple solution. Spay him.

That would prevent him from passing on his devil genes but it won't get the beast out of him.

Well, I can't say Pavlovian electroshock therapy, or else people will think that I support the Judge Rotenberg Center.

*Phone rings. Quatermass picks up.*

Hello? Oh. You got me at a bad time. Yes, send me the cheddar later. The cheddar? Right. Bye...mother.

*Hangs up. Looks around shiftily.*

To be quite honest gbollard, I couldn't make a good parent, as I would probably kill my kids myself out of frustration. And most kids I think should be kept on a leash, muzzled, and spayed. Because what I don't like happening, I want to stop. Expediently.

Anyone who can give actual advice?

Gavin, I've just sent you a PM.

I don't know how old your son is, but my (now) 6 year old daughter used to be like that. She started her destruction at the tender young age of 15 months, it still happens now but nowhere near as bad as it used to be.

She would tip all the shampoos, bubble bath, conditioner and baby powder all over the carpet in a heap and make patterns in it, She'd get clean washing and dump it into the toilet, peel wallpaper and pick at the plaster, all sorts of stuff like that. The only way I could get through to her was to explain in plain english what she had done and how it made me feel. I am lucky, because though she has HFA and ADD and not much compassion, I have taught her that upsetting others is basically wrong so she responds to this.

I know you are frustrated, I get this way myself (I have AS/ADD), but resorting to what you did will only escalate the situation- you have to put yourself into their shoes. Easier said that done but thats the only way to cope in the long term- instead of looking at the devastation and freaking out, ask yourself why it happened, what they thought they would achieve. Try applying logic and usually the answer jumps out. For example- she smashed a window in the living room when she was 16 months. I was distraught because we lived above a shop and it was a busy saturday afternoon, we were renting and I was basically broke. I started to meltdown myself until I realised that the reason she'd done it was because she'd dropped the block she was playing with and was angry and frustrated at her bodys lack of connection with her brains expectations. Similarly, the shampoo on the carpet? Sensory. Clothes in the toilet? Well, they go into the washing machine, that has water, whats wrong with the toilet?

I resorted to taking my daughter to the park for an hour or two a day to get her energy out!

I hope that helps, none of it is intended to offend, it's the kind of thing I wish I'd been told when my daughter was a baby!

Sorry to hear you’re having such a time of it. The changes that take place in the lead up to Christmas both in the home and school environment can have quite an impact. Though pica can be an issue, it's highly likely that your son is simply crying out for order and calm in his world.

Our children rely on us to be in control, thus making them feel safe. In order to restore order and more appropriate behaviour, it’s important to firstly ensure that your son’s day is adequately structured so that he knows he can rely on the routine you’ve set. This will in turn lead to smoother transitions, calmer days. You need to ensure that your responses with him are clear, calm and reassuring. It’s important that you do not raise your voice or add negative tone to an instruction when your son has not responded at the first cue – that will raise anxiety and tell your son that you are not in control which in turn leads to him becoming increasingly anxious. Allow him time to process the information and importantly do not nag him. Any change to the structure or current routine you have, will likely see a worsening of behaviour before it improves, but behaviour will calm if you maintain a calm, controlled approach. He has to test that you mean what you say and do. Praise his actions when he does as you’ve asked, without making reference to any negative behaviour.

As you've found, when you add anger to a request, your son’s behaviour will rapidly escalate, and any further negativity will simply add fuel to the fire. Adults who lose self control and display their uncontrolled anger are also easy targets for children. Your son will view your anger as a personal rejection and will be profoundly confused. His growing sense of Self is still founded in you and any thing that shakes his connection with you destabilises his sense of self.

Best to be calm and consistent in your patterns of responding. I'm glad to read you have abandoned any smacking or shouting. In regards smacking – smacking a child to teach him/her not to misbehave does not and cannot teach him/her to behave correctly. There are a very large number of autistic children(of all ages) who are regularly referred for their aggressive behaviour who have simply copied directly the management method(corporal punishment) used by their parents and eventually turn the tables on the parents when older. Fear-based punishments actually escalate the problem behaviour, by increasing anxiety. It's important to catch your child when he is behaving well – giving brief attention at those times. Praising the behaviour, is known to increase the time they are behaving well.

It helps to note whether there's a pattern to the time of day when his behaviour transitions from calm to chaotic. There are always 'signs' that the storm is approaching. Here, the key would be to avert, by introducing for example, some water play, some trampolining, maybe a favourite movie or game, perhaps a visit to the local park to let off steam. Plan ahead. Change is needed. Change what isn't working and make it work for you and your son for better days. Best Wishes from a fellow Aussie:).

How old is he?
I agree with the above - structure and the rest of it. Holiday's are always a real spanner in the works.
Of course you know you shouldn't be taping him up - I understand you must have been desperate. (believe me, I know what it is like).
One big question is why he is getting worse? You say he has been getting worse for a couple of months.
Is it changes in enviroment, or is it coming from within?
I mailed a while back, when my son was totally out of control - he is HFA, too. It was horrendous.
It ended up being epilepsy that was causing the problems, and when he started on epilepsy medication and ritalin, it was A MIRACLE - you wouldn't believe it.
(There are many kinds of epilepsy that don't cause fits, and that can be hard to observe. So it is worth keeping in mind.)

He went from a child we were advised to institutionalise to a "normal" quirky autistic kid - at times easier than our other kids, because his behaviour was easy to manage by structure, pictograms (visualisation) and most importantly huge amounts of excercize. The drugs made him accessible to these things. Which of course meant a great deal of planning on my behalf, but was definately worth it! (I don't pretend I am always "in control" or have the excess to do these things, but things quickly disintergrate when I don't)

Do you have professionals advising you, and does he go to a good school? It sound like you need a break!
I really sympathize, and I hope you work out what's going wrong. Keep us filled in!

Edit: I just read on another thresd your son is on ritalin. Is the dose large enough?

sounds like the kind of things my mum would say after she raped me, to get the police, church and community on a witch hunt.

I have to agree with other posters. Exercise is the number one thing that allows child to release all that energy. When my son was like this, I said "we're going out" and out we went. We played a couple hours or more (he did anyway) on the playscape and sometimes he'd hook up with kids. Most times, he never wanted to go home. It was not uncommon for us to be at the park until the sun set--no kidding! I brought a book and would read intermittently and just getting outside was fine for me.

There is no way I would have survived my son in the house all day when he was younger! NO WAY! He was like a puppy caged up and so I used to take him out for his daily exercise.

Now, that he's older, we have new problems--he tends to be a bit more relaxed, but I have trouble getting him to go out for a walk or getting outside. He's pretty much outgrown the playscape--I'm going to try biking. We're moving to a place with excellent bike trails--so it will be worth the investment.

I'm telling you-get him out to the nearest park. If he doesn't want to go, make him. I used to say "I need to get out and get some air" and I wasn't lying. We went out even in the rain sometimes!

As for the duct tape on the hands--I wouldn't try this one again. Imagine your son going to school and telling an adult? Or an adult overhearing him tell another child? Your son could be taken away for suspected abuse. Very risky. Also, this is truamatizing for a child--what you consider to be a minor breakdown for yourself, is MAJOR for our kids.

My advise is that you get some counseling yourself to deal with the pressures of parenting a special needs child. I really think it might help, esepcially if you're AS!

best,
equinn

Careful! Crazy like that and she might try.


Truuuuuuuuuuuust me.

A little amonia under the counter.
A handful of recluses in the basement.
Shots from the woods.

Whoops! I don't know what happened to my son officer.
He was crazy and liked to wander. Was obsessed...with the water.

Well I have to admit I don't actually believe in "the Devil" so I can't believe he or it would possess a child. What would be the point? Wouldn't "the Devil" have more important things to do? I mean he'd have SOME Administrative work to do, even if he had a <ahem> helluva good staff.....

OK, joking aside, the one thing never mentioned was the child's age, and that could be critical. Frankly, I think we've all seen something like that from ASD children at one point or another, but I don't think is has anything to do with Autism. It sounds more like manic symptoms of a mood disorder. Medication is the only thing that's going to control that, and if he's getting any kind of stimulant, the mania is probably being made worse. Mania in children OFTEN displays as destructive rages, or just plain "WTF?" destruction.... They do it because "it seemed like a good idea at the time".

"WTF?" destruction


funny.

I agree--if it's that type of destruction--all in one fell swoop without any creating or purpose in mind, then it could be related to medication problems.

My son's energy was purposful, mostly, but still drove me CRAZY. Right now, he's attempting to duct tape a 10 Lb dart board to the wall--thank goodness he decided, yes, it wouldn't work.

But, he sits, right now,with this heavy leviathan by his side, his head spinning with ideas--we're not done yet. This thing, his dart board, I despite and when it hits the wood floor because oooops he dropped it---I might go for the duct tape myself.

yes, it is exasperating. maybe you could duct tape his hands to an open book next time.

What a sad story! I understand the stress you are feeling. It's amazing the power your kids can have over you, and scary how badly they can make you lose your temper.

Is he picking up on bad vibes at home? Our son always seems to act up when I'm feeling low. He senses it, even when I am trying to put on a brave face! Also, when we need to get some jobs done at home, we often find he's been up to no good - attention seeking I think, negative attention is better than no attention at all (from his point of view!).

Sounds like you need a break.

I recognise the situations you mention, cobbywobble.
I don't think my son does bad things for attention. I think he reacts if he doesn't kow what to do while I'm busy! Sometimes I feel like he is a computer, that needs to be programmed My big hope is that he learns to program himself!

sounds like he needs a behavior support plan for home. are his outbursts precipitated by anything ?