Parents Asking For Help

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What she is saying is that "making an example of someone" might be against the rules.

Other than that, its okay to refer to other threads.

i appreciate all the advice that i can get, from who ever i actually enjoy the different perspectives from other parents who can relate and help me by suggestin things tht have helped them, but also by other aspies who know first hand what it's like and can tell me what it's like on the flip side and how stuff may be interpreted or possible motivations.
i think the sticky on post format or what ever would be very useful, and if you don't give enough info people can alwyas just ask for more clarification.
some people naturally go into a defensive mode when someone disagrees or questions them, i wonder if a special thread would even help them.
i agree with taking things with a grain of salt take what works for you from the list of suggestions. i know i'd rather have 10 suggestions to choose from to see what or which parts of things will fit for me and my life and appreciate the other stuff that may just give me something to think of or an alternative if my first course of action doesn't work.

maybe someone could voulnteer to do the sticky post thing and put a copy of it in this thread before they post and get feedback on it first to make any adjustments that others feel are important that may have been omitted or misinterpreted.
this is a great idea.

Good point T_T, I often find myself puzzled over what some people find very upsetting and sometimes wonder how others can so calmly accept comments that make me boil. One of the things we are working with Z, our 11 yr old Aspie, is trying to figure out how his actions or comments might make other people feel or react.

I tend to assume that other people think in the same patterns I do even though I know this is not the case. As a result I sometimes have the first impression that I have been attacked or insulted when that is not the case. I may be slow to respond because I analyze (or overthink, as Cor, my wife, says) before replying thereby giving the impression I am uncaring or egotistical. The egotistical part probably fits because after almost six decades I've finally figured out what a terrific person I am.

I have come to value all of the comments in this forum, from Aspies, NTs, parents and non-parents, why not, I can learn something from so many of you?

If we do post a sticky of forum ettiquette perhaps it should include a disclaimer in the line of "Welcome, here you can expect to find all of the qualities that make the Human Race a species to be admired and respected, and you will find a good sprinkling of human faults as well. Enjoy your time here!"

Personally,

i'd go for a post that says, "Welcome. Aspies post here. They are blunt, direct, and do not hide the negative statemens inside warm, fuzzy talk designed to make you feel better. Until you get used to that, they will unintentionally upset you. Have fun."

But I think only aspies would find that a good approach. But I think it you take my words and hide them inside "warm, fuzzy" talk and then post as important information for first time posters, all will be fine

Acyually, T_T, I like it too. Maybe you could add "NTs only think they rule the world.

Triangular Trees ~ LOL ! !! !! !! I love your post idea !

Now I'm all embarassed about suggesting this. I didn't think it through - was frustrated cause I didn't get it, and thought there was a specific thread by a newbie who had left WP again.
Usually I do try to think about other people's feelings - I also definately didn't want to make an example, or embaress, anyone. Sorry if I unintentionally offend sometimes -

bump

Disclaimers and warning statements - this is begining to sound like the coffee cups that warn "caution: contents may be hot".
This IS a forum on/about/for/by Aspergers and other neuro conditions. It's not for the faint of heart. Parents shouldn't expect warm fuzzies, "NT" parents should welcome the fact that those with AS are willing to spend their time sharing their (very) personal experiences to help them (us) to better understand what our kids/loved ones are living with on a day to day basis.
I LOVE how the AS posters have responded to me. It reminds me of how wonderful my AS son is. The honesty, the intelligence, the willingness to help. THAT is MY warm fuzzy. So - hit me with the honesty - I appreciate it more than anyone could guess. Being a parent of an AS kid is a daily puzzle - I welcome any clues I can get. And to hell with anyone who's too scared to take it head on. Pussy-footing and candy-coating around things gets us nowhere - on this site or in life.

Alsmom~ the issue in the past has been that some people have gotten terribly offended and left quite quickly....we've thrown around the idea of creating a thread with posting rules ....letting new posters know that people around here are pretty blunt....haven't gotten much of anywhere with it though

I completely agree with you AlsMom but I started this thread because people do get offended and ironically get rude back. I bumped it back up because once again, some parent told off an Aspie because they had no kids.

Yes, I know, I read it. It's just amazing to me that a person / parent of an AS person could not understand the response and where it comes from. One would presume the parent had enough experience with their own AS kid and enough compassion/empathy/whatever not to be offended. I guess it's just sad - mostly - I think - for that parent's kid. This site/thread DOES help. And the feelings and thoughts of those who cope with AS in their own heads are really invaluable to those who have never experienced it themselves. It's like chosing to wear a blindfold.

I haven't seen the thread in question this time, but even as an aspie I am inclined to empathize more with the parents who do not want child-rearing advice from the childless. I've seen a lot of great advice given by aspies to parents in this forum but I've also see a lot of hostile and/or totally clueless advice and I can understand why someone wouldn't like that. For example, not long ago one member came through here telling parents they were all on masochistic power trips. A person really doesn't understand what it's like to be a parent until he is in that position. Insight, of course, can be offered into the child's point of view, but that's not always useful.

I don't think that a parent should have to suffer unhelpful comments (even from an aspie) without being free to voice his displeasure.

Saying you don't like the comments is one thing. But telling the person their opinion doesn't count because they haven't had kids is quite another. That's the subject. Anyone can make snotty remarks that don't help.

Argh, don't those parents understand that much of what we (Aspies) tell them is want to tell our parents, now, as adults? What we wish we could have expressed as children, especially those of us who were undiagnosed?

Maybe we're trying to help the kid more than to help the parent, but aren't we supposed to be helping the parent help their kid after all?

Sometimes I just cringe when I read what people do to their kids. It hurts to read about.