Some advice please

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My darling son (5yr) has become totally fascinated with our bus service. He gets excited when he sees one and can tell me that it is "our number 4 bus". Trouble is tho I get so bored listening to him go on and on about them. I am going to treat him to a day in town where we ride as many buses as we can. Altho I will probably hear about nothing else for the rest of the day, week, month. He is the same with trains and if he can hear it and can't see it he gets upset.
How can I get myself to stay interested for more than a minute?

Also he has got a problem with sleeping. He has got a good 'end of day' routine and he knows that 7pm (700) is time to go bathroom and do teeth. Trouble is tho he isn't getting to sleep most nights till around 10pm or later.
I was a bit naughty tonight and changed his routine a little so I won't be suprised if he is late going to sleep tonight.
What else can I do to help him get to sleep? He is on no medications at all.
Thank you in advance

I think that you're going to have to just go along with his special interest, and let him talk about it. I was never allowed to talk about my special interests, as a kid, and that has caused me many years of trauma, afterwards. I've felt like a freak, growing up, for having obsessions and wanting to talk about them. I've even gone so far, not to talk to my peers about anything, because I knew that I would end up talking about my obsessions, and that the more intolerant kids would pick on me, if they found out what I liked. I've ended up hating my mum and my peers, at the same time, and I used to look forward to the weekend, when I could lock myself in my bedroom, listen to the Oldies Station and draw pictures of my obsessions. I've even mentioned my suicidal feelings to my mum, and than she asked me if sane people go around, killing themselves, I've told her, that they do. My mum started crying, and she asked me what she did wrong. I've told her that she never wanted me to earn my own spending money, outside the home, and that she's never gone along with my special interests, or obsessions. I was fifteen, going on sixteen, at the time.

There was also a time that I was making lots of posts about Routemaster buses. I'm obsessed with those buses, because the Routemaster is the symbol of London. At least it is, in my time-warped mind. I've felt safe, posting about these buses, because the people that I knew in real life, didn't have to hear, about that obsession of mine. I've stopped posting about them, because there a lot of members that I'm sure that I've annoyed, and I'm sure that they were all talking about it behind my back, in the chatroom. I have a hard time, switching my avatar from Sid, my little Rat Twin back to using a Routemaster, to this very day. I start to feel funny, after fifteen minutes and I end up switching back to my favourite Flushed Away character. I'm almost tempted to change my avatar, just to plain Sid :O), again.

Sid :O)

Aw, that's sad. I for one, never minded how much you talked about Routemasters. I don't even live in the UK and I think they have lots of character and agree that they are one of the main things one would associate with London.

Just talk about them! People don't HAVE to bread the posts!

I sure wish I had an answer for the sleep problem. He's a bit young to read himslef to sleep which is what I did, later. I can't remember what I did before reading. I still have trouble falling asleep and use white noise. I've never seen anybody else discuss it for the younger set, might it be something to try?

I don't think that its a good idea to discourage him from talking about things he's interested in. My 2 older brothers did that to me when I was in that preschool age and I just stopped talking all together because I thought nobody cared what I had to say. It was really depressing. I'm still overly self-conscious about what I choose to say around other people. So I would suggest being very careful about that. One thing that my mom did that really helped me out is when I got to be a couple years older (7-ish) she would ask me to try to write about the things I was obsessed about and then she could read it and not have to listen to me chatter incessantly about the most boring (to her) topics in that rather loud, annoying Asperger's way. And one positive side effect is that I got really good at expository writing. My mom kept all of the papers I wrote and I looked at them a little while back and they were hilarious. I had forgotten how crazy I had gotten about suspension bridges.

As for the sleeping thing, I guess I would just try to make sure he is doing some sort of physical activity during the day and not just sitting around watching tv or playing videogames. There's nothing quite like running around outside to help a kid fall asleep.

CockneyRebel: I MISS your bus avatar. I was surprised when it dissapeared. You were one of the first WP members I started recognising, because of your avatar, and it made me feel at home here - like I'd come to the right place.

Mum2ASDboy:
About sleeping: as mentioned, excercize and routine are important. But for my son, melatonin made all the difference. I can understand if you are sceptical about giving tour son pills age 5, but melatonin is actually a natural hormone, that heaps of Aspies have a problem producing. When I started giving it to my son, he started sleeping straight away, sleeping well, and being rested the next day. I would think about trying it out, if I were you, as it could make the world of difference for your son and you.

Special interests:
Try keeping him busy with other activities. Lower stress - my son is most obsessive when he is stressed, the interests are calming.
Plot in "bus" time so he knows that at some point in his day, it is OK to do bus related stuff -
and use busses to get him interested in drawing, maths, writing ect. ect.
But I also "use" the special interests. (pokemon, hamsters ect.) We go for a long walk, and I promt him by asking questions... he talks and talks, it is good contact, and he is too busy telling me all about it to run off/do things I don't want him to do... (and yes, pokemon facts are VERY boring in the long run!)

The bus and train things are perseverations. There are different philosophies on treating them. If you feel the obsession is getting in the way of his normal functioning, call in an ABA Therapist who can help you learn redirection tactics. Redirection is probably one of the best ways to get a child who perserverates to manage them.

However, some theories tell you to allow it, just build upon it. Build upon the knowledge of buses and trains. The problem there is that you will have a child who knows everything about the buses and trains ad nauseum. And, may not be able to cut that switch off when necessary.

Is your son getting any kind of intervention? I would talk to the intervention staff about it if you feel it's becoming a problem and they can direct you in helping him. ABA is just one method, there are other behavioral modification methods out there as well.

Perseverations aren't bad in and of themselves. It's when the child can't focus on anything else and the obsessed becomes disabling that you have a problem.

Without going into a discussion of different approaches, out of curiosity: how do the ABA people redirect? What is the method?

I threw in the towel a long time ago about setting my son's bed time. I used to be able to get him to sleep by 8:30 PM, but he would wake up at 5:30 AM (and also be cranky) and that was too early for me. Since I started homeschooling him, he goes to sleep at 10 PM and he's ready for his school day by 8:30 AM. This schedule fits in with my weekends too. There's no way that I'd want to be up before 6 AM on a Saturday.

About obsessions, I pretend to listen a lot. I have forgiven myself for my inability to concentrate as my son talks non-stop on a topic. If you think about it, it's difficult for anyone to pay attention to anyone beyond a few minutes. I've tried interrupting him, but he gets aggitated and will start over. Sometimes, I give him a time limit and he likes that. He feels like he has accomplished what he needed to say in the allotted time.

I do tell him that most other people will not want to listen to one-sided, non-stop talking. Not because it's not interesting, but because people have short attention spans.

LOL

Your child's special interest is a part of who he is. It may be annoying to you because of the depth of his interest and fascination, but I'm of the mind that stifling it is unhealthy. My special interest as a child was cats (until I discovered medical books). I faced ridicule from my own family about being obsessed with cats, to the point I eventually denied even liking them and stopped sharing my interests in anything. I had read every book I could find on the topic and I just absolutely loved cats. I was a walking library of information on them. I felt so ashamed though that I did everything I could to shut off my interest, tired of being called wierd, obsessive and so on.

As for the sleep thing, my kids won't go down much before 10pm either, no matter what we do. I've read that children on the spectrum tend to have body clock issues. I did. I still do. It takes a lot of personal effort to sleep normally. What has helped here is making sure the kids do some kind of physical activity for at least 30 minutes a day.

I have to laugh because I to pretend to listen. You know what? Your son like mine is probably so wrapped up in his own dialog he doesn't even recognise the signs that your thoughts are else where.
I do feel guilty about not listening to everything though, so I just listen enough.
My 9 year old started with the bad sleeping routine, I tried everything (but not meds). Then I found bribery works a charm. If he can get himself to sleep by a certain time (not to early 9.30 here) and then up in time in the morning for school, with no carrying on at the end of the week I hire him a playstation2 game. It worked wonders last week.

Maybe you could try something similar with the bus thing. If he's asleep by 8.30-9pm then on the weekend he can have a trip on the bus. Then the following week he needs to be asleep by say 8-8.30pm.

Any ways just a thought, so far it's working here.

Thank you all so much! I don't want to discourange him from his bus and trian interest because I don't want him to feel any resentment toward me. I'm not sure how to to that text in white box thing yet lol but a few of you made me feel like I'm doing the right thing, letting him indulge (for want of better word) in his interest.
He gets LOTS of exercise during the day, he is undersensative to movement to he is always running or jumping or outside. He has a trampoline and has also figured out that he can roll around on it without falling off.
Last night (almost 9pm) when I got him to get back into bed he started tellign me about buses and what he was going to do in morning so I told him to tell Dog (soft toy on his bed) and my boy told Dog it is 'sleeping time' then he went to sleep lol.

We have done a couple of things that work wonders...our son also loves cars, buses, trains...

1. We got some "Hemi-Sync" tapes with soft music to go to sleep...they are awesome! I'm sure there are others out there, but these got ME knocked out quickly and I slept all night withouth interruption...and normally, I wake up a few times at night...
2. We taught him to meditate...we'll all lay down and close our eyes and say the following (don't laugh and you can make up whatever you think he will like that calms him, ours also loves the ocean and water calms him down...) "We close our eyes, and go floating in the water, floating in the water...we wiggle our toes, we wiggle our fingers...and the birds are singing...and we float in the water...blah, blah, blah..." After a while, he would do it himself and it was cute to see him fall asleep talking about floating in the water...
3. We also have bought him books about things that interest him...trains, space, etc...and we'll read those at night...with the background music...

Good luck!

Hi, Mum2ASDboy, I wanted to clarify my last post. You can redirect an Autistic child's perseveration without discouraging. A perservreation has nothing to do with being annoying. You never want to discourage. Discourage and redirection are two different things. My kid has had perseverations, but when you use a behavior modification model like discrete trials, it teaches children how to manage them so they do not get into the way of learning or prohibiting social interaction. I'm sure you've been to classes with Autistic kids and have seen kids who are so deep into their perseverations that they don't interact with other kids or even notice anything else in the room. Or they talk about a topic incessantly, but can't really relate to you in other ways. Most of us parents who have kids in Autism classes have seen this. Parents and teachers have to find ways to allow the enjoyment of the perseveration, but bring the kid into the circle so they can experience other things.

As I mentioned, perseverations in and of themselves are not negatives. But, I also don't believe they're just a part of who someone is. They are a coping mechanism. They're almost a stim, if you will, and provide security for many Autistic kids. When they repeat certain words or topics of interests, it is almost like the sensation they get when they hand flap and toe walk. It feels good. It feels safe. It's not sensorial, but it provides a comfort level they're familiar with. If you have a child who obsesses to the point where the child can't learn, listen or focus on anything else except for the object of the perseveration, it can be a disadvantage learning wise.

That's all I'm saying. Without discouraging any interest, we've been able to really get our kid redirected and channel his interests more broadly so that even though he has special interests, he's also looking at the big picture and can put his perseverations aside to engage in other projects and social interaction when it's required. Your son doesn't sound that severe, but a perseveration can mean be a show stopper for some kids who can't turn it off.