Do you ever feel like this?

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Parents only please

Alone, helpless, confused, frustrated, sad.
Like not being able to get a reason out of your child, not being able to understand why they laugh but then stim alot, knowing that what they have done is wrong but they don't know that or don't understand.
The whole stimming has me stumpted at times.
Um yeah not a good day here today.

I used to, but now have a good network of other parents with children with ASD.

Also, my sons have had intensive intervention at Tony Attwood's clinic and I have learned heaps.

It is common for parents (usually the mother) is feel lonely, judged and unsupported.

Sorry to hear you've had a bad day.

Helen

Read lots of books on autism, and learn as much about it, as possible. That way, you'll get a better understanding of why he does all that stuff. You must also be patient with him. He might not be able to put into words, how he feels, when he stims, or that it makes him feel good. The world is harsh enough, as it is. You've got to be the soft spot, in his life. He also doesn't need to be pitied, he needs you to be strong.

yes.undeniably yes.

sometimes it is all so overwhelming. sometimes things are ok. sometimes things are great. i'm feeling overwhelmed myself these days. i've planned to go on a cruise with friends next month, and i'm terrified to go. very worried about how everyone will manage without me. they all rely so much on me............

there does not have to be a reason to stim.

I at times get lost in thought about issues and stim,
or at work I sometimes have many things to keep in mind that needs to be done
then someone comes along and throws something else into the pot,
then I basically get a bit scattered and stim for a couple moments until I get a
working plan of order made out in my head then get back to work.

I have felt this way a lot. It's just all so confusing sometimes, and I think we all feel as if we have no clue as to whether or not what we're trying to do for our child is helping.

I hope the rest of the week goes much better for you.

Kris

For me, those feelings come and go. It's been really good lately, as we've been on an even course, and I am currently having more issues with my NT daughter than my AS son. But, there can be times when it cycles back.

It has helped me so much joining communities like this one, because the posts by Aspies themselves have really helped me get inside my son's head. It was a relief to understand that he just needed to stim, and once I let go of trying to force those behaviors out of him, and learned to smile at them instead, we all got so much happier. It has been over a year since we've had a major meltdown.

But, in those times when the major meltdowns occur, I really, really worry about the future, about having such an occurance when my son is larger and stronger. Which is why we have been so very proactice about getting to all the cores of his stresses as quickly as possible. The less build up he has, the better.

Things are always changing, and the transition times, before we've figured out how to deal with the problem, can be really tough. But when we've set a course that seems to be working for the moment, it is lovely. I breathe, and rather forget what it is like during the rough spots.

You will have your moments of smoother sailing. Keep reading, keep talking, keep advocating for what you believe your child needs.

Thanks, I am glad I not the only one who feels like that at times.

Most of the stimming is ok with me because that is part of who he is. Sometimes I know why he is doing it and other times I don't.

Like this morning for instance, when we got into school there was a small group of older girls running around and laughing lots because of before camp excitment, I did same thing at same age as those girls lol. But Damien didn't like the noise and he told me (YAY). When we got away from them he started to rub the inside of his wrist quite fast, I asked if he was stimming and he said no. Then I asked if he was doing 'calming down' and he said yes. He stopped after a few minutes and seemed better.
(I think stimming to him is calming down??)

Why should he understand "stimming"???? I would stop paying such close attention to what he does. This can be very disconcerting to a child or an adult!

It sounds like you need to redirect your energies into something more productive. If he's rubbing his wrist--so what???? Why even notice? I'd just let it go. Take a deep breath and rechannel yourself somewhere else. Do you have any hobbies? Maybe it's time to get involved in something outside your child for now. Save the worrying for the big stuff--if it comes. Assume it won't (best to remain optimistic). If your son knows your watching his every move, he will be nervous and maybe want to stim more often.

equinn

Mum2ASDboy,

We all feel like this at times and we all have our good and bad days. Sorry, you're having a bad one - hope it improves.

As a father with AS, I often find it much easier to understand my children's motivations than my wife but even I'm stumped at times.

Stimming is not only a response to stimuli (eg: stress), it also feels good. I'll often talk using a duck voice because it feels good - not for any other reason. I obviously can't do this at work, so I do it at home. This is similar to babbling in AS children.

Stimming is immensely varied and ranges from nail biting to knee bobbing to rocking etc.. It can be bothersome to people around the AS child - so it's worthwhile making the child aware of the problem and trying to get them to either - do it outside or engage in some other form of stimming.

If you can, try to relax. The stimming isn't such a big deal - try to let Damien be himself.

Like I said I don't mind him doing it, well I am getting better at accepting it. It is other kids who see him stimming that I am worried about.
He has already been called something mean last year because of it and I didn't trust myself to say anything to the other child. I was WILD .
Luckily for him in a way he doesn't understand some things that are said to him.
I am ringing his OT today and will be making an appt with her.

Frustrated and sometimes alone. The other stuff not so much. I just joined a yahoo group for AS Families (despite my son being autistic not Aspie) and we just met in person for the first time. That helps a lot. I was specific about wanting to socialize with and without kids- I didn't want a support group where we complain and discuss therapies. I want to have fellowship.

I am also sorry you are having a bad day. I agree with DW_a_mom this site helps me so much because sometimes when I read the replies, I feel like oh, that is why he does that. I just try to accept him as he is and when he laughs I know he has his reason, I am just glad he is a happy boy. Hope your tomorrow is better, I am sure it will be!

Smelena~ I'm going to try to enjoy the cruise,but it's still so hard to let go & believe that everything will be ok while i'm gone....my hubby has AS as well, and has already expressed concern about being left home with all 3 ( 1AS, 1NT and 1ADHD/undxedAS). I've done what i can to find assistance for him ( my aunt is taking all 3 for a couple of days, and a friend has agreed to be "on call" ). there's not really anything else i can think of to help.................i'm concerned about them not being able to contact me if a crisis arises, and i'm also concerned about not being able to contact them when we're out to sea.
my ADHD daughter is quite overly attached to me, and i really don't know how well she'll do without regular contact from me. oh the worries.....................

Enjoy it - I'm envious .
Also envious of you being brave enough to do it - I'd be petrified leaving my lot... but then again I'm a control freak!! A great experience for your husband and kids, really, to do things their own way. You'll discover they can do just fine without you .
You'll come home with new energy - I'm sure a break is long deserved.