Advice needed ASAP

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Hi guys, thanks in advance.
Im requesting advice as soon as possible, I have requested a meeting with my son's vp. She said I could meet with her in about 3 and a half hours from now.

J finally told me what happened with the kid that was trying to choke him. (Please see the post my sons vp asked me the stupidest question) Apparently this boy tried 5 times but J managed to hold him off, J tells me he was doing nothing except walking past this kid(who J was obsessed with last year) When this kid attacked him, the kid told J not to tell the teacher, so J didn't it was a big secret J being J and not understanding why his "friend" turned on him hung around trying to "help" this boy. J possibly made things worse by doing so but he did what he thought was right.

I told J's teacher about the incident and she adviced me to speak to the vp. I now have a meeting at 2.45 this afternoon. I need to give her exactly what I want, I know she will ask. Help please!! !! !
Can someone tell me exactly what to ask for, what would seem reasonable, seeings how his school see none of what I tell them, wont apply for funding for him, keep telling me he is fine when I know better.

I need to do this calmly, if I can.

J doesn't have an IEP no one has ever mentioned this to me before apart from you guys.

I asked J's teacher for her email address today, she told me I would need to ask the vp if I was allowed to have it.

HELP!! !!!HELP!! !! !!HELP!! !! !! ! please

cheers aurea.

Well, I can only address the playground issues as that's the best my memory can help right now. Your immediate concern is that J is unable to engage in reciprocal play and unable to understand when someone is "being mean" to him. This alienates him and puts him in immediate danger as he has been assaulted on the playground.
Ask if an incident report was made (if this is relevant in Oz) for the choking incident.
The best thing you can ask for on the playground is that your son is supervised and ask if there is a way to have directed play/sports.
I will be honest, I can't get anyone here in Arizona to do that. But it's a start and you will make your concerns known. I wish I could help you with the other stuff (his stress levels) but it seems a lot more complicated than I could handle.

Tell her about the incident. Ask her what the school's bullying policy is. Go in armed with information.

Here's an article I wrote about bullying (don't spend too much time looking at my website. I only started my website 6 days ago and it needs loads of work!)

http://www.smelena.com/article_bullying.html

At the end of the article there links to excellent resources regarding bullying.

Ask the VP for short-term and long-term strategies to deal with the incident/bulllying:

Short-term:

I think Kim J's idea was excellent

Long-term:

Ask the VP when your son will be getting an Individual Education Plan. (Don't ask why he doesn't have one yet. Be assertive. Ask when. Tell the VP that you will contact the Autism team ASAP to set up a meeting to make the IEP.

The IEP is a document that outlines accommodations for your son. It should be made in consultation with the parent, Autism team, classrom teacher and VP.

The IEP for your son would need social skills incorporated into it. Your WrongPlanet friends will help you with ideas for the IEP later. But for today I think your goal should be to have a commitment from the VP to set up a meeting to plan the IEP.

Communication:
Ask the VP for her e-mail address and the e-mail address of the classroom teacher to facilitate communication.

I had a meeting yesterday morning and I was perfectly honest with the classroom teacher, Principal and Vice Principal. I told them that e-mail was my preferred method of communication because I then have time to think about the problem and come up with suggestions or ask for specific advice/help.

I told them that I often find unplanned, informal meetings difficult because I may be quite emotional if we've had a bad morning at home. When I'm emotional I cannot think clearly.

I told them at the meeting that sometimes informal meetings are ok, but if I put my head down and scurry off they should leave me alone. These are the times when I'm stressed, emotional, and can't think properly.



Try to be calm, but forgive yourself if you are not. I have cried in meetings before.

I worked out why I cried in a couple of meetings. It was because I was frustrated. My brain was not working because I was emotional, yet I knew I had so much information and planning that needed to be done in the meeting.

Now I got to meetings prepared (like you are preparing for this one).

Do you have a printer? I like to print out any relevant articles.

I go in with a list. I work through the list in the meeting.

I hope your meeting goes well Aurea. But if it doesn't you have 17 297 members on WrongPlanet who will help you out.

You are not alone!

Helen

Thank you Kimj and Smelena.

I had my meeting, it was very quick but I was calm.

Prior to the meeting I managed to talk to the autism resource worker, whom I've trying to track down for a while now. They offered to come to our ssg meeting when it happens.

I was informed by the vp today, that they don't have to give me an ssg meeting because J isnt down on a disability plan, but they are squeezing me in. this meeting will be for about 45 minutes and held during about the 3rd week of second term.

The vp took notes on the incident with the other child and J, and said she would talk to both boys about it. At least she said yes it was bullying and it shouldn't have happened.

She didn't say if she would do anything else. She just said to keep trying to get J to tell me when things happen then encourage J to tell his teacher.

Thanks again guys.

Do you have an official diagnosis? If you do, I would have thought the school would have to sit up and listen and take some action. If you don't, maybe that is where you need to head.

Please, please, please insist that this stop.

Ask about zero-tolerance and bullying. Demand an end to the bullying. Please use the word "bullying."

My son was/is a victim of bullying (two years worth), and ended up with post-traumatic stress disorder.

The first staff member I reported this to ignored me. She did nothing.

As I say over and over, please follow-up your meeting with a letter summarizing your requests and asking for immediate resolution. If I had done this, either the situation would have been handled, or else I could have filed a complaint. Wouldn't hurt to send a copy of the letter to a superintendent.

Some administrators are very well trained in using intimidation. Don't let them bother you. You know your child.

Your child should be able to be "safe" in school. This is basic and necessary. Currently, the school is failing to provide for your son's safety. Your son is attending a school with a "hostile" environment. Tell them over and over. Don't back down until the problem is taken care of.

Our state department of ed has an office for bullying and school climate. They were very helpful.

You can request a PPT/evaluation for your child's eligibility for special ed and IEP. Check the website for the school district and state department of ed...they may have some information.

You are "MOM" (as in supermom)...go do it!

And people wonder why kids take weapons to school, and kill people....

So far in my experience (in the States, btw) NOTHING gets done but lots of smiley meetings where they snowjob you and placate you long enough to get you out of their office UNTIL you put your requests in writing and send copies to the principal, the vice principal if necessary, the school nurse, counselor, psychologist, and whoever else you think might need to be involved in the loop.

I would definitely keep using words like "hostile" and "bullying" and "intolerable situation" etc.

Have you spoken to Chokey's parents? I can see why that would be a little scary - it would be for me, I'm not great with conflict/confrontation.

Good luck. I was so clueless in middle school, and was often taken advantage of, humiliated, or otherwise bullied until I started having panic attacks before school every morning, so bad I would vomit. No one ever helped me.

I never told anyone. I think I didn't even really understand what was happening.

When I did, incoherently, ask my parents if I could stop going to school they had no idea why I asked. When I rather feebly said something about girls "laughing at me", because it was far too complicated/beyond me to describe it properly to them, my father ( aspie ) said, "You have to decide whether to flock with the sheep or run with the goats". Obviously I taught myself, at great cost to my academic record, and any future profession, to flock.

I "thrived" as a sheep.