another rant

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Sorry. I have to. It's 1:45 AM and my nearly 7 m.o. daughter JUST went to sleep.

It's amazing that prehistoric people as violent as they were didn't bash babies heads in against a stone wall with another large rock or something. Being as helpless as they are, surely they couldn't have survived the kinds of environments they did a million years ago.

WHY are they so helpless??? Why can't they be more independent at birth like kittens or something? Why must they cry do GODDAMN LOUD when they're upset or hungry or wet or whatever is bothering them at the moment? Granted, it's the only method of communication they have but damn! It's so F***ING LOUD, it's unbearable! Why can't they babble all nice and cute when they're hungry or something? Can't we evolve something that makes our stomachs glow when we're hungry?

She WON'T go down at night without being swaddled. If we try no swaddle, she rubs her eyes just waking her up some more and what makes it worse is she can work her way out of a tight swaddle. WTF? She can wiggle and writhe out of a tight swaddle but she can't roll herself over yet. That's messed up.

When she's cute and smiling, I just want to hold her and squeeze her and give her loves but when she's screaming my goddamn ear, I just want to drop her off the roof! (not really)

I'm beginning to understand why adults used to dip their finger in a jigger of rum and put it in the baby's mouth - to get them to sleep!

Precious sleep. When she's older, she's gonna want more sleep. Now, at 7 months, she doesn't want anything to do with it.

Seriously, how do I wean a child off swaddling?

I guess much of the answer depends on whether you're worried about the swaddling, or just want the yelling to stop. I'd be interested whether you allow her to cry, or are picking her up a lot and trying to calm and re-swaddle etc.

From what I did with my AS baby, I'd say just keep the swaddling going in the meantime regardless of whether she wriggles out of it. If she cries, just let her yell herself to sleep, which might sound fairly harsh, but it works. You could try something like letting her cry for 15-20 (or longer) minutes, going in and spending a few seconds checking and re-settling, and leaving again. Repeat the process until she goes to sleep. I found with my baby that they got the message within about a week, and they were a lot easier settling themselves.

I don't know how you feel about letting your baby cry for periods of time. I was told that babies cry when they are upset about something, but that also it is their way to expend energy. This helped me to be "tough", and not go in fussing over him all the time. It seems to pay off in the end.

All the best.

The baby noise use to drive me crazy, I really just could not handle the crying like lots of aspies - so could never leave mine to cry which was quite exhausting, but the crying was always the worse thing, do not get me wrong I love both my boys far too much if any think, but totally understand what your saying.

I found just holding them until they were asleep worked best for both of us, do what ever works best for you.

Also its good to try if you can to get a break from time to time to recharge. I had no breaks as no one to take over, my husband would run the other way and as breast feeding was always me, but this did help to settle them and we both survived reminds me of lack of sleep face!

Try the Miracle Swaddle. They can't get out of that one. N finally outgrew the large ones, so my mom made him a similar one but bigger. I think he was 9 months before he could actually sleep (and even lie flat confortably, sometimes) without one. One night he got one arm out of the one my mom made, and slept fine, so we let him sleep that way. Then we left both arms out (it was summer time), and finally, he was sleeping on his own.

the real question is, who is in charge in this situation? neither aspie me nor NT
wife were willing nor capable (for different reasons) to deal with sleep issues
in either of our kids, so we used the Ferber Method and it worked. from mayhem
to kids who for the most part go to bed when they (and we) need them to.
And they are now great, well rested, loving kids.

babies and kids are savages and, with work, can be civilized. for their sake and
yours, take the civilizing task seriously.


fG

i don't remember what age it was, but at some point the dr told us that we could just let our son cry himself to sleep......it was painful to hear. it didn't work overnight....but it did progressively get better. if i remember correctly, the doc had us let him cry for 3 minutes before going to get him...then i think we slowly increased that time....

Who says they were violent?

I dont have a kid, but I have a kitty that is very dependant and somewhat needy. At 6 months old(old enough to reproduce) he still wanted to be within 6 feet of someone. If I wish to go pee, he would wake up and follow me.

So what I did is get up, walk away, then when he woke, i would walk right back. He'd settle down and i would repeat it. Pretty soon he would just sleep through me getting up and walking away. It would be five minutes before he would follow. I'm gradually increasing the time. Now he will actually find somewhere to sleep by himself. I make sure to go see him every once in a while, then leave again.

Its a form of peekaboo. It should work on babies too.

Last edited by Fuzzy on 13 Mar 2008, 5:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

OMG,Fuzzy! i love your avatar ! I used to be a huge fan of Opus! the cat's name was Bill, right ? AAAK phptht!

Yup.

thanks so muh for the tips y'all!

I think I figured out the escaping from the swaddle thing: It doesn't work well with a fleece blanket.

digger, if you continue to face such ultimate sleep deprivation, you should look into Ferber's book. I never did it myself, and I actually don't think it would have worked well with my son, but I have heard of many success stories that really were not stressful on the baby. One friend of mine is the ultimate attachment-parenting mom, home birth, the whole nine yards, but she became so sleep deprived it was actually dangerous, and she finally tried the Ferber method with her second child. I remember her apologizing to all her friends about it, but the entire process took 20 minutes in one night! That baby was SO ready for this. If it is going to be 2 hours each night over multiple nights, I think it isn't the right thing for the child, but remember one thing: your baby needs an awake and functioning mom. When you do not get enough sleep, you are taking something away from your child and your family. If you have to go through a small amount of short term agony to fix that, it is worth it. EVERYTHING is a balance. Find the right balance for your family, and don't lock yourself into any preconceived notions about what that balance is.

I do try to let her fuss it out but it's just heartbreaking to listen to her cry sometimes.

I don't know what you are feeding the baby breast/bottle? But with our baby I noticed he was really fussy at night, we switched him to lactaid milk (he was one and off formula, you can get special formula for your baby) and I was giving him the mylacon drops and it made a big difference, it does break your heart to hear them cry and I also believe they are crying for a reason, but he then started this thing where he would fall asleep and wake up at 1am to play, I would stay up with him for about 1 or 2 hours until about a week in we realized, nothing was wrong, so it was about 2-3 night of hearing him cry and then he figured out he was not getting out of the crib. We also do the night bath so all the kids know, it's bath time and then right to bed nothing else!! I don't know how you feel about having the baby sleep in your bed, but that is what I did with my kids or I would never be able to sleep, the co-sleeper, the crib that attaches to your bed was a real life saver, we also used the swing for one of the kids and that helped. I really hope you get some sleep, I am such a witch if I don't get sleep. Just keep trying different things until something works for you. It will get better once you figure out the different cries and what they mean. I wish you all the best!

With my first we lived at my mother's house while my husband went to school. He was really whiny at night and would take forever to get to sleep.

After the second child, I realized some of our issues with him were actually OUR fault. I would let him ride in his swing during the day and he would fall asleep and would use the time to do dishes or just take a nap my self (because I had been UP ALL NIGHT with him.). Well, take note of how long he is sleeping during the day and possibly try to keep him up some during that time so he will be more tired.

Another issue we found with him, is that all the "cuddling/swaddling" were too much for him after a little. He would finally sigh and go to sleep after we put him down and just put a light blanket over him. Overstimulated perhaps. (also see if you can find a different feeling blanket, maybe it is scratchy to him, or even a different brand of diaper.)

If that doesn't seem to help, they do eventually get big enough to tell you what's wrong, just try to take advantage of those baby nap times to get one yourself! Let the dishes pile up and order take out!

Oh, this is so true!! ! I agree with Detren, I won't let any of them nap past 3pm (unless they are sick of something is wrong) we have dinner early and bathtime early so by 7pm they are ready for bath or bed, that would not be the case if I just let them keep sleeping, your times may be a little later and also taking into account that a baby does need more sleep. And as Detren said don't worry about chores you will have them your whole life, the baby (and your wellbeing is more important!! I hope things are getting beter.