He no longer wants to go to school!

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J has started complaining of all sorts of things so that he doesn't have to go to school.
He is extremely sensory seeking at the moment, and I can't work out why.

J usually goes off to school with out complaining, even when I can see he isn't real happy about it, he never says he wants to stay home.

It has gotten to the point that his sensory seeking is driving me nuts.
I have bruises on my legs from him climbing,leaning and grabbing at me. He is constantly at my hair. He will sing/make noises at the top of his lungs for hours on end.

Something is going on! Ah stupid me it can't be school because he is fine, it must be something at home. (sarcastic)

If any of you can remember there was an incident at school with another child. I was promised by the vp that she would talk to both children about it. According to J she hasn't spoken to him.

Nothing is happening, the school are doing zilch to support my kid. Moving him out of there can't come fast enough!

I am so sorry to hear this! Yes, something must be going on at school. Sometimes it will turn out to have been the oddest thing ... our children can be sensitive to things we would never think of ... and I know rooting it out can be very difficult. It may or may not have any relation to the prior incident - it really is impossible to tell.

Have you tried imagerinary stories about a favorite character that does not wish to go to school? Having your son fill in the blanks? Sometimes that works, to have your child talk about a fictitious character instead of himself.

I hope it gets resolved soon. It is always difficult to see our children stressed, without knowing the precise source, or how to help.

please tell me that you're calling him in sick, so he doesn't have to go. Please keep him home for a while.

Hi aurea,

Have followed some of your posts, including this one obviously! I asked on your "Advice please ASAP" one last week whether you have an official diagnosis for J (you probably didn't go back to it since you had already had the meeting). I was just interested to hear if you did have a diagnosis, because if you do, then surely the school need to give some more support.

I am in NZ, so obviously the support systems will be different to what you experience, but I have found that once you have a diagnosis here, you can tap into the systems both within a school (eg. IEPs) and also those outside the school to give assistance (eg. RTLB teachers who come into the school as specialists/advisors).

If you do have a diagnosis, I'd say it's fairly dum of the school to say there isn't a problem, as a diagnosis in itself indicates that there is.

Regarding the sensory seeking . . . I read somewhere once about rolling your child up in a duvet like a tortilla and rolling then over and over . . . have tried it on my son a few times and it works.

might help to roughly know how old 'J' is. Just saying...

He's 9, pakled.

I think depending on age since I do not know the whole story with your child that he may be either going through a period of defining himself (if hes older) or being teased at school (if hes younger though its also possible when hes older). The difference between them doesn't matter much but calling in sick for him is not the answer since no matter the reasoning behind it now if it sets him back he will know that later it is a bad decision. If he needs it you may have to look into special ed though don't get me wrong if he has aspergers there is no real problem with his intelligence. I'm not sure about HFA and I think it varies with POD-NOS of course I only really know about aspergers which since I don't know the whole story is what I assume he has.

Special Education in schools can be difficult due to varying positions on it and although your child could do the work as good as any other student he may find the crowd there more recepetive of his differences. When I was in third grade I was in special education and at the time though the students were different the teachers in special education some were not really there for children. This is all a matter of personal perspective though. I had one break out teacher during my third grade period when I went to a special education again in my last 2 years of high school due to me being behind from my depression issues the teachers were ok but didn't have that same way of dealing with children so its basically a crap shoot.

Hi,
My son has always resisted going to school. Last year it was so bad that we were sarbed. He was having rages night and day (that was when we got his dx finally, and we had to put him on meds).

Part of last years problems (and previouse years) was because of his dx of Autism, his undx-d LD's, and a really mean teacher.

This year he has a really nice teacher, but he still resists going to school. Not as bad as last year, but he has obvious problems still as he consistently trys to be sick so he can go to the nurses office, and he's not sick. He also has meltdowns when were at school trying to get him to class and I have the office lady, several teachers trying to get him to class. He becomes unresponsive, won't cooporate, won't budge, so I have to take him home and get him calmed down and then I can get him to school.

The only thing I can suggest is when he's stressed, get his mind off of whats happening. Take him to a place where you can calm him and then explain (okay take a break but in 15 min you go to school) Repeat that over and over again. Work on taking his stress away then start all over like you just woke up.

Sometimes it takes 2 hours for him to calm down, but when he does, he's agreeable.

Thats the only thing that works for both my kids. If anyone else has any ideas then pls shoot, but I don't think we can get them to do anything when their freaking out and falling apart. I know I couldn't with myself.

Try "starting fresh" like I have to do.

Lainie

J is 9 and has an aspergers dx. A formal meeting was called by J's doc's, it was held at J's school and recommendations were given. (this was in early Feb)

Nothing as far as I know has been implemented yet. J is not having major meltdowns about not going to school, he is simply being very sad and complaining of not feeling well, having aches and pains etc.

The school have had to be asked a couple of times now to call in the autism resource workers, they have finally tried to make contact but so far the school and the resource worker keep missing each other on the phone. So no appointment has been made yet. The school denied J's doc's the offer of sending in their own specialists to asses the situation.

I will be moving him as soon as I can find the right school.

I did send him today, I don't want to start a precedent. If he told me something was going on at school he certainly wouldn't be going until it was sorted. Maybe thats wrong I'm not sure. He isn't at "normal" school tomorrow, he has his asperger's art program to go to. Thank goodness.

J came home today and told me that the kid that did the choking last week informed him it was all a fake. What the??? So J now thinks he made a terrible mistake. Mind you the kid said this after having tried to throw a plastic tea set plate at him and then hitting him with another one.

I have told J not to go near him because this boy isn't being a friend. J was obsessed by this boy last year. He now thinks that maybe he can help him not be so angry. I asked J if he hits anyone else, no he doesn't think so.

How do I teach him that this kid is to be avoided?

do you have any paperwork that was done in the meeting in Feb? An iep? It seems like the school is dragging their feet. An iep is a federal document that they have to follow so if they are not giving your son what he needs, can you go higher up the chain of command, maybe to the district superintendent? Is this other kid in his class all the time? Or do they only have certain classes together? Best of luck to you!

Have you tried homeschooling?

Lainie, I discovered with my son's preschool that once a child has had a very bad experience at a school, it continues to taint their experience for as long as they are there. It isn't easy for them to let go of the negative associations they have made. It becomes similar to panic attacks - a gut reaction that they understand no longer makes sense, but experience anyway. If at all possible, in a situation such as you have described, I would change schools.

Grrrrrr .... that choking kid .... grrrrr

I think the message to give J is that chocking is never allowed at school, play or otherwise, and this other child knows it, and trying to pull one over on J. Play chocking can be every bit as dangerous as real chocking, and schools generally are very clear about this.

I think you are going to be stuck with cutting through this chocking child's excuses one by one, until J either decides to do the same directly to the child, or learns to stay away.

we've dealt with lots of school avoidance here.....too tired to go to school. too sick to go to school. crying . whining. acting out.

it was all due to bullying . although the bullying situation was taken care of by administration, son still had school avoidance behaviors. school avoidance was a major force in our lives until son was moved to a different school. Poof! school avoidance vanished into thin air.

Hi DW,
Yes what you say makes perfect sense but to be honest he has been this way since kindy (he was in another school at that time and switched to this school in 5th grade). It just wasn't as bad until last year and we were sarbed. He missed the last 2+ months of school because he just couldn't do it and I refused to make him. At the same time he got his dx of ASD.

This year, we only have a few months left and then he goes to a different school (middle school) next year. Right now he is waiting to go to the Dianostic Center (a state run program) for more testing as my priv evals show the opposite of the school evals and they refused to give him an IEP. The Diagnostic Center will test deeper and hopefully he will qualify for an IEP. (stoopid school)

So right now it's important to not rock the boat and get this testing done. I am really hoping I don't have to ask for an IEE and then end up in Due Processing just so my son can get a FAPE.

You would think by now the school would agree that his meltdowns and refusal to go to school would show that it's a behavior thats connected to his MEDICAL (not educational mind you) Dx, and that it directly affects his education, but according to them dump buckets it's not lol.

Lainie

Hi aurea,
I agree with mollyandbobsmum about the school having responsibilities with IEPs etc. Looks like they are doing a loser of a job at the moment.

If you are looking at other schools, I'd suggest contacting whoever the (autism) support agency is in your area for schools and asking them about which schools have good systems in place for supporting special needs students. You can also ask principals directly about their schools, as they are often very helpful, especially since you represent an additional enrolment. For what it's worth, it is also my observation that often it is the smaller schools who deal better with AS situations, as there is wider knowledge of issues across teachers and more of a family/connected environment. My AS son is in a school of 160 kids - all teachers know his issues and there is regular communication between teachers over playground flair-ups etc. Our other school option has 400+ kids, and I think he would've just got lost in the big factory system of education, as has happened to another child I know of.

Hope you get some progress one way or another.