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Catster2
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22 Mar 2008, 2:27 am

Whilst I am not a parent I do have a "child related-problem" and am an aspie adult. My four year old cousin is out from the USA and he came over to my house the other day with my aunt and uncle. He kept overhearing our conversation and interpreting what I said wrongly and one particulat thing upset me. I said to uncle "see all the cats" and Tyler (cousin) thought I said eat cats and he kept saying it over and over again. Tyler really likes animals and was for the most part very good with Ginger my cat. This really upset me as a huge cat fan to have it mentioned repeatedly. I don't have kids so am not sure what to do any advice?



katrine
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22 Mar 2008, 2:37 am

To clarify: is the problem that he misunderstood you, or that it upset you to hear "eat the cats"? Or is it a language issue (where are you from?)
But either way round, try not to get to upset or annoyed. Kids often do things like this, and the more attention the issue is given, the bigger it gets. So often just ignoring works best.



Catster2
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22 Mar 2008, 2:44 am

kind of both that is was repeating what two adults were saying in a conversation and yeah that he kept saying "eat cats". As an aspie I am sensitive and take things personally.



katrine
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22 Mar 2008, 3:03 am

He probably kept saying it because it shocked him a little, too - kids often repeat things they don't understand because they don't know how to deal with it otherwize.
Absolutely do not take it personally!
As for the listening to conversation: it can be hard to avoid. You could try to have an activity ready for the child, so he is occupied (drawing paper and crayons or something like that).
Four year olds are tiny - can't expect them to behave perfectly. They have so much to learn!
It's good he was nice to the cat - some kids are really horrible!
Hope this helped!



Noelle
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22 Mar 2008, 4:11 am

Kids do that sometimes, translation errors. Ever hear a kid try to translate the Star Spangled Banner? For the longest time, I thought "dawn's early light" was "donderly light" whatever donderly meant, I had no clue. The brain learns words, not by the words themselves, but their sequence in sentences, like the spaces between them, and in context to the other phrases. He still has to learn how to get it right. When his reading gets better, his speaking will too.

A kid-like "I don't eat cats, I SEE cats" to say back wouldn't hurt. But then, move on, it's normal for kids to play with words like that, even if they know what you said. It helps build their pronunciation skills, and visualization skills, and other stuff. Let it roll off, no big deal.



Zsazsa
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22 Mar 2008, 7:45 am

Like most four year olds, they love to repeat things over and over...so don't sweat it. Obviously, you are not around too many four year olds to understand their behaviors at this stage in their lives.

Four year olds also, like to ask questions...and are famous for the popular question, 'Why?" Curiosity about things is another
characteristic of this age.



Catster2
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22 Mar 2008, 8:24 am

Zsazsa wrote:
Like most four year olds, they love to repeat things over and over...so don't sweat it. Obviously, you are not around too many four year olds to understand their behaviors at this stage in their lives.

Four year olds also, like to ask questions...and are famous for the popular question, 'Why?" Curiosity about things is another
characteristic of this age.


Noi i am not around too many four year olds and given my AS I wouldn't really be able to ick up on their behaviour either. I have no kids and only see this child about once every 18 months.



sinagua
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22 Mar 2008, 11:17 am

Noelle wrote:
A kid-like "I don't eat cats, I SEE cats" to say back wouldn't hurt. But then, move on, it's normal for kids to play with words like that, even if they know what you said. It helps build their pronunciation skills, and visualization skills, and other stuff. Let it roll off, no big deal.


I think this is an excellent idea. Get him repeating something that _doesn't_ upset you. Distract him with a rhyming game or something. Get him to glom onto some other phrase that isn't a problem for you. The sillier, the better.

This is a good post, because it reminds us that sometimes it's hard for adult Aspie adults to deal with children. We're expected to cater to and care for THEM and never get upset, but we DO get upset, and frustrated, triggered, and afraid, etc. Just because we're adults doesn't mean it doesn't affect us anymore.

For instance, I am sensitive to certain noises - usually high-pitched, loud, and/or really sudden noises. As a child, I used to run for my life whenever the monthly "This is a test of the emergency alert system. This is only a test...." would come on the tv. And now I have an Aspie son, and guess what his favorite kind of noises to make are? You guessed it. High-pitched, screechy, sing-songy, nonsensical blathery speech/screech (and he's sensitive to noise, too - yet his own don't seem to bother him a bit). It drives me insane. I want to literally run away from him. And our house is small enough that there's nowhere I can go to get away from it when he does it. I have to either go outside, or shut the door in my room or bathroom and turn a radio on in there with me, to drown it out.

Good luck with your wee visitor from the States. ;)



DW_a_mom
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22 Mar 2008, 12:46 pm

sinagua wrote:
For instance, I am sensitive to certain noises - usually high-pitched, loud, and/or really sudden noises. As a child, I used to run for my life whenever the monthly "This is a test of the emergency alert system. This is only a test...." would come on the tv. And now I have an Aspie son, and guess what his favorite kind of noises to make are? You guessed it. High-pitched, screechy, sing-songy, nonsensical blathery speech/screech (and he's sensitive to noise, too - yet his own don't seem to bother him a bit). It drives me insane. I want to literally run away from him. And our house is small enough that there's nowhere I can go to get away from it when he does it. I have to either go outside, or shut the door in my room or bathroom and turn a radio on in there with me, to drown it out.


This is the constant conflict in our house: my son does things that are self-calming, that I think we should allow, but they drive my Aspie husband insane, because they interfere with HIS sensory issues. Basically, I am trying to let my do them when it's just me, but to respect his father's requests to stop. It's tough, though. Both their needs are important. And my husband thinks I'm too soft, lol. Sigh.


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DW_a_mom
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22 Mar 2008, 12:49 pm

Caster, I remember being upset by similar things I heard from children, long before I had my own. I remember sitting for this one child that I found absolutely morbid. It truly disturbed me. Now I realize these are developmental phases, and I laugh my way through them, but it must be difficult when it is not something you are used to.

There are several good suggestions above - giving the child something to do to capture his attention, playing lightly back on the words yourself so that the child will repeat something more acceptable, instead. Just want you to know that I sympathise with your upset.


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Catster2
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22 Mar 2008, 7:39 pm

thanks for your suggestions guys it is good to know I am not alone and like one poster said it is good to raise awareness that due to being Aspie, As adults maybe find it a lot tougher to deal with children. Tyler's parents didn't seem phased even though they have a cat they just said you don't eat cats.



aspergian_mutant
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22 Mar 2008, 8:32 pm

try altering the sound of the word with something acceptable yet similar