Please help - Nightmares & Aggression in my teen

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J has suffered with nightmares since he was little. He's 15 now and just recently they have become really bad. His behaviour has deteriorated because of them, he's tired constantly because he's obviously not getting enough sleep and so, so bloody miserable. I took him to school this morning and he told me that if anyone started on him today he was 'gonna kill em'. He says that his nightmares are making him want to be violent and he feels like he's going mad.

He won't tell me what these dreams are - he says that he doesn't want to voice them. He isn't on any medication and there hasn't been any sudden change of events to unsettle him. I don't know what to do - I'm so frightened.

Has anyone else been through this with their child? Please help if you can.

Thanks

Get to a sleep disorder clinic - I am surprised you have not dealt with this problem sooner

Why are you so 'surprised'? It's never been a major issue before and J has always told me what the nightmares were about and we've talked them through. So thank you for your advice but please don't infer that I am a neglectful mother by 'not dealing with this problem sooner' - it's not helpful and it's not true.

I had really terrible nightmares when I was in high school, so bad that I couldn't sleep. I think they stemmed from really severe stress and insecurities...tho had you asked me at the time, I would have told you I wasn't stressed at all.

This is all hypothesizing now, so I don't know how helpful it'll be...but who knows. I had a lot of emotional repression in high school, and it probably turned into those dreams and cutting. I'm sure I needed therapy, but my parents FORCED me to go, which made me really resistant. If your son is as stubborn as I was (and am), forcing him to do things, good as your intentions might be, might make things work.

I think that for me, communication was key, talking to my parents and friends more and learning how to express my emotions before they got out of control. Even so, the underlying issues took years to work out (I'm probably still working them out.)

Best wishes for you and your son. If he's anything like me, he probably doesn't mean the most extreme things he said. I know I said a lot of awful awful things that I never meant, and would never have acted on.

Thanks Foxman - he sounds quite alot like you actually! He's incredibly stubborn and as much as I've tried to coax him, he will not talk to me about these nightmares. I know he's going to resist when I suggest counselling but I think that's the only way forward. He's clammed up and I think he desperately needs to speak to somebody.

Has your son been to WP? I talked about my dreams and stuff to one of my really close friends at school, mostly through emails, just because it was easier than in person. Maybe he could connect with some people here?

I know a lot of people disagree with me on this. But is there a way he can skip a day of school and just veg out at home. Not sleep, per say, but really relax? It's hard to say if sleep deprivation is giving him psychosis or he's just afraid of his dreams now. But sleeping or deep relaxation during the day may help his brain detox.

I actually agree that a day off could be just what the doctor ordered.
Unfortunately I don't have any experience with this kind of problem, but I would think taking him to a sleep clinic or psychiatrist might help - they might know just what to do!

Thanks for replies Kimj & Katrine - He breaks up from school tomorrow for the Spring break so he'll have 2 weeks off and I'll definitely be encouraging him to sleep/relax during the day.

Foxman ~ he is aware of WP and that I use it but hasn't been on himself. I've tried to get him to sign up but he's reluctant for some reason.

I spoke to him when he came out of school today, he's asked me to make an appointment to see somebody because he's afraid to go to sleep. It's so upsetting - but I'm glad he's accepted that he needs help, he wouldn't normally.

it's possible that it's paranoia that's driving his lack of sleep-at least that's what it is with my son........get him checked out. get him to a therapist at the very least-before he does or says something that will get him in BIG trouble. lack of sleep leads to very poor decision making, and loss of impulse control.

hi lola1, i'm an adult with the same issues as your child as of now, I'm no longer in school or work, but alot of the things that you explained led me to ssd right now as an adult, I don't mind about being on SSD, because it gives me time to rethink my life and just relax,

but it sounds like a mix of problems, such as sleep apnea, anxiety, perhaps a personality disorder, ptsd? and other related issues. Have you or your child gone though a traumatic event? such as divorce, or a family member or friend dying? or is someone close to your child going though hard times?

your child really does sound like my childhood and life right now. for me i lost my mom when i was 4 to diabetes, my dad left before i was born, and almost lost my brother to drugs (my brother went though same crap as me)

If your child has not been though a truamatic event it could be that hes being bullied at school or overstressed. It is not your fault at all. School especially High school was the most stressful time for me, it felt like i was alone or neglected, not from family, but from friends and seeing teen romance all over the school. it pissed me off bigtime as well, went home sick with migraines/flu like symptoms.

I'v went though complete hell in my childhood and job industry that i am sleeping all the time now, 16-20 hours a day and just pissed off at everyone (even though i act nice around other people) but i have so many emotions, anger, frustration,sadness,panic inside me that causes severe panic attacks and nightmares that are to the point of ripping someones head off. you may want to get him on ssd, just make sure that you he has past history of ptsd, anxiety, and alot more, i also suggest that you get a professional, non-profit organization, lawyer to help your child get on ssd, i was rejected twice, cause i tried doing it by myself.

School is a nightmare for many sensitive children. It completely oppressed me. Took me years to realise how much.

Did you see "Elephant" by Gus van Sant, leaving aside the massacre; I was completely freaked out by that environment. It seemed like one of the most alienating and terrifying environments ever, like the Overlook Hotel in the film "The Shining", and reminded me of how much I had been scared at school, and wondered around in a strange outcast sort of way when not in class.

Any way, see if he'd like to leave school for a while, if he could, homeschool. Ask him if he'd like that? If it is possible.