Update on resource workers school visit.

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Hi all,
I just thought I would update you on what the autism resource worker found after her visit to J's classroom last week.
She (the resource worker) called me yesterday to tell me that he seems to be coping fine. My first thoughts were Ah gawd here we go again, Then she went on to tell me what she had observed and to say that she didn't really know J and she had only seen him for an hour. I told her what was happening at home and what J was telling me. She said that its very possible that when she observed him he was probably interested in the topic that was being studyed ie the gold rush (they had a excursion yesterday to sovereign hill)
she said that she could always go back if I wanted her to.
So far I don't think thats needed, she will be at the psg meeting this Thursday, she agreed with me (and was going to look for info for his teacher) that he probably doesnt trust his teacher, after his teacher telling him that he was wrong when he said aspergers is a part of autism. she said this needs to be talked about at the meeting, I told her that he wont talk about school at home and if I push the issue at all he has meltdowns. Again she said the school need to understand this, he needs to know that he can trust them so that if he is having a problem he can talk to someone at school about it. she told me that he did a very detailed drawing at school about gold fields, I told her he wont draw or write at home, he tells me its hard I also mentioned that last years teacher had told me that his writing was very poor (which I know it is) she mentioned that something could be put in place to take the stress off him when it comes to writing exercises ie a modified plan. Yay.
I got the feeling that the school had "dobbed" on me for keeping J home one day last week. I explained to her that J had woken up crying, his ankles were swollen his legs were sore, he has othodic inserts in his shoes and they had been doing cross country training, I told her that I think his orthotics need to be looked at again. She again said well if thats the case he probably shouldn't be doing as much as they expect. Yay again. Not that I want him to be sitting around, but they need to understand he doesnt always communicate his problems, why should he if he doesnt trust them,they were her words. I told her its great that he appears to be coping at school, however he is obviously tired and stressed by his day when he gets home. I think he is trying to keep both things seperate as a coping mechanism. She said that perhaps the school need to check in with him a little more often, just ask him every now and then how he is doing. Even she said though the biggest issue right now is J feeling that he can trust his teacher. I was so happy when she said that she would find some information to give to J's teacher explaining about aspergers being AUTISM, she aLso said that maybe she could talk to J and let him know that she has spoken with his teacher and explained aspergers to her.
I told her how J had said to me just yesterday morning, that his teacher has said to him a few times now "stop being silly, your acting like a prep"(prep is age 5, J is 9) he wanted to find a book on aspergers to give to his teacher so that she would understand him.
I think we are in agreement, Just because he appears fine, doesnt mean it is so. Only the educational side of things were looked at, whats going on in the playground is to hard to monitor. The school need to fix the trust issue so that J can talk to someone about school yard stuff. He is carrying all that around with him each day aswell.
Hopefully the school will listen to all she has to say at this psg meeting, after all they invited her. I was going to ask her to come but they beat me to it, I'm assuming they(the school) think that at this meeting the resource worker can pacify me the paranoid mother, because after all he is coping fine.

Paranoid mother .... I get that too. I get told how happy the boys are at school and they're not showing any signs of stress and they find it incredible that the boys are having meltdowns / tears at home.

Sigh ..... do they think we make it up because we've got nothing better to do than complain???

I took my sons' psychologist to their IEP meetings today. It cost a fortune but worth every cent!

It was nice to have 'the expert' there telling them that it is very common for children with Asperger's to hold it together at school all day then explode at home.

It was also nice for 'the expert' to tell them everything I've already told them dozens of time ..... they actually listened to her!

Hope your meeting goes well. Keep up the good work!

And know that your feelings of 'paranoia' are common.

Helen

My son's evaluating team including his psychologist were at the very first meeting.
I'm hoping that the resource worker might have more influence.
I don't know what they think I'm asking for, but it isn't much. Someone to acknowledge that hey things may not be how they seem, someone both my son and I can trust, someone to actually listen and to check in with him every now and then, someone to perhaps talk threw some of his problems wether they be real or just his misperceptions. Someone to understand that yes he is getting the work done, but it is hard for him it isnt coming as easy as it does for the other kids. I don't think this is too much to ask for.

J actually asked me yesterday why can't the school just give him a book and he can learn everything from there, instead of listening to his teacher. Personally I thought this spoke volumnes.

Smelena,
You metioned one of your boys having issues with writing and I thought you'd said that you'd pulled them out of that class. Could you explain how you did that, how its helped and how you got that one past the school. My son J hates writing at home (this year the school haven't said anything) last year his teacher was very concerned. I thought that bit of info you posted sounded like it might be a good idea for J, I hope I read it right.

any way cheers Aurea

ps I'm glad to hear your meeting went well, keep us posted.

It's not too much to ask at all.

I have a chronic asthma patient who is a Special Ed teacher (unfortunately far, far away from where we live)

I haven't told her everything that's happened this year at school .... after all I'm supposed to be helping her, not whinging about my sons! Anyway, she told me that it should be a minimum legal requirement for any child with Asperger's to have: written instructions for school work, social skills input, emotion management input, regular time-out from the classroom, and a written time-table.



My 8 year old son keeps asking, 'What's the point of school?' My 8 and 9 year old sons have receptive language deficits, so they misses most verbal instructions.

I know when I met 7 adult WrongPlanet Aspies in London this year, I asked them what they recommend for school. They all said that they learn best by themselves. So what J is asking for makes sense. It also shows that the school is not accommodating him as they should be.



Last year handwriting/spelling was a HUGE issue for my 8 year old son. A lot of it was due to anxiety and his perfectionism. The wonderful Special Ed teacher did lots of work with him to reduce his anxiety and convince him that you don't have to be perfect 1st time.

My 8 year old does his homework on the computer, because the anxiety of handwriting was preventing him from even attempting his homework. Last year (around September), my son wrote the shopping list. He would not let us help with the spelling. I posted the shopping list on WP because it was a huge breakthrough!

This year, the *insert swear words here* idiot Special Ed teacher decided to focus in on his handwriting this year. She organised a volunteer (not a teacher aide .... noooo ... we can't actually spend money on this child) to spend 1 hour on Friday afternoons to go through correct formation of his letters.

Who cares if they have messy handwriting, hasn't anyone ever heard of computers!

I was not consulted about the handwriting issue. Anyway, my 8 year old starting crying a lot, 'My handwriting is messy'. He had been handwriting short stories at home. But he stopped this because 'his handwriting is messy'. He also stopped drawing (which he loves and is very good at) because 'I'm too messy'.

I had a discussion with the teacher at school and she tried to convince me that this activity was wonderful.

I then sent an e-mail to the teacher with the points I'd raised and cc'ed it to the Vice Principal and the Principal. I took this action because my point of view was not being listened to.

Now they're stopping the 1 hour handwriting lesson. They're going to do emotion management instead.



Thanks aurea. You know I came away from the meeting with mixed feelings.

I was very happy that I got the accomodations / input I wanted from my sons.

But I also felt very deflated. In both meetings the teachers went on and on, 'Your boys are happy at school. They don't show any signs of anxiety/distress at school. We find it hard to believe that they are having these multiple meltdowns at home'. I almost felt like they thought I was lying. I actually felt pretty pissed off.

I felt like screaming .... LOOK at my children. Please look .... can't you see the big black shadows under their eyes .... they are exhausted.

Open your eyes. Just because they don't rock or throw chairs across the room (like previous Aspie students the teachers had had) doesn't mean they're not anxious. My 9 year old chews his nails all day and his shoulder tics furiously. I have told them this over and over. I don't think they've been looking.

My 8 year old calls out and becomes disruptive when he's anxious. His classroom teacher has been talking about this as a 'behavioural problem'. NO, it's a sign of anxiety.

I had a distinct feeling of paranoia when I left the meeting.

The special ed teacher from last year believed everything I had to say and got on with providing a good program.

Sorry to have a rant in the middle of your thread!

The Special ed teacher that started last week seems very good.

Hi, I just wanted to add that I get a similar response - your son is doing fine, don't worry, blah blah. Huh!

Aurea, where did you find the autism resource worker? Is it someone from the Western Autistic School? We are in the wrong zone for WAS and if I wanted to get an independent autism 'expert' out, it will cost a lot of money .

Great idea about what should be the minimum legal requirements! If only.

Good luck with the meeting on Thursday, hope it goes well. Keep us posted.

Temma

Smelena,
Rant away!! !! It's a huge relief to hear (sorry to say) others are going threw the same s#!T, I'm not the only one.
Perhaps its a standard line schools learn"Your kids are fine", with the implied meaning it's gotta be something thats going on at home!
I to have heard soooooo many times, we have had other aspergers kids here before and J is nothing like them!

Temma,
Yep once again WAS to the rescue. You need to move girl!

J's been having lots of issues not wanting to go to school lately.
Lo and behold he was up half an hour early, smiling and happy, cooperating no end this morning. Hmmmmm what day is it? Wednesday asperger's arts program day, not real school! He even has a cold at the moment, but as he said he would prefer to stay home and play on his pc games all day, but at least at arts program he can be himself and he doesn't have to listen to his teacher. No pressure.

Yes! I do think that they think we are making it all up! I suppose for attention or something like because I am bored!! My son is just fine at school with no problems, expect for that time he threw the chair at the teacher....or spit on the teacher....or threw the book....or the scissors....but he is soooo smart so he doesn't need any extra help or resources (note the sarcasm)


sorry, I guess the rants are contagious!