friend/bully?

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my son calls this particular boy his friend but then describes incidents in which this same boy isn't very nice to him.

I think he's confused about friendship. Very frustrating on this end.

He wants boy over for playdate.

Any suggestions?

equinn

Speaking from personal experience, sometimes a bad friend is better than no friends at all. If the is truly mistreating him, he'll get tired of it and move on eventually.
Hey, it only took me about 2 years.

Hi equinn,

maybe it's a good idea, so you can see what sort of interaction happens, and step in in you have to. I hope it's not too bad though.

Temma

Make a playdate, observe and note but don't interfere.

Use your observations later to talk to your son about what friends do and don't do.

Of course, remember that young children aren't the best social animals - so many of his friends actions may not be intended to harm.

Ya, I have this same problem with a boy in X's class. X plays with him, but I know he's hit him before and this boy initiated a little gang-up on a little girl in their class that X went along with. All boys lost recess for an entire week. Kindergarden bullies. Ugh.

That's a hard call. Boys aren't always nice to each other, even when they are friends. If the kid agrees to come over, you can supervise the interaction. My son will hang around other kids who are somewhat mean to him. It takes him a while to catch on. If other kids are being rude to him, I stay out of it. If they have him backed into a corner, then I get involved.

my son is in the first grade and has always had a hard time telling who is nice and who's not. He is so hungry for friends that he labels everyone as a friend. The kids who are mean to him are his "mean little friends" but he still wants to be with them. He has had help in a social skills class to be told what a friend should do and what a friend shouldn't. he is learning he deserves to be treated well and that is helping. it is so hard because he at first didn't care who was mean, it was better than being alone. I have wound up being his playmate at times so he is not alone. best of luck to you and your little one.

Unfortunately, this particular boy has done mean things to him. I explained to my son that this is not a friend and to say to him with friends like you who needs enemies. BUT, the boy responds with "Then you won't have any friends" and so my son apologizes. IOW, my son will do whatever it takes to say he has a friend.

This breaks my heart.

equinn

what about other activities your son can do to make friends? ....scouts, church groups, karate, soccer ?

wouldn't have the kid over...it would just be terribly confusing for your son-your stance is that this is not a friend;by inviting him over, you're saying this is a friend....don't do it !