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Subaru
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16 Apr 2008, 4:10 pm

Not sure what specifically has triggered it but I feel like crying at everything right now. Subaru is off the walls, incessant interrupting, written all over his body with a sharpie, crayons on his walls. I am not sure who needs a rubber room more right now ... him or me. He just seems to be 'in my face' and it is overwhelming me and not sure where to start in swallowing this elephant today.

DH is wiped as well.

We have the formal appointment tomorrow with the Child Psychologist (probably stressing my mind) and DH has been called back into work finally (he is seasonal). Thank Gawd, MIL is going to come to the appointment. I am happy cause she can hear things for herself and not that DH and I are complainers .... but she is going to take him home for a night afterwards.

Maybe I feel like a crappy Mom cause I feel so ill-equipped and think I should toughen myself up to the exhaustion. I know that is illogical but it is hard not to feel so down on my parenting.

I just want to lock myself away for a night, sleep and ignore Subaru ... let DH handle it all but that could become a slippery slope. Instead I just stare at my son in wonder and bite my bottom lip fighting the tears.

I am exhausted exhausted exhausted.

Not asking for much other than affirmation that this is normal (all things considered) and that it will pass and that I can scrape the fumes off the walls of my go-go machine and put in another day of this in tomorrow . . .

This hamster wheel is wiping me out.

I likely will sleep all day tomorrow and the next when MIL takes Subaru for the night.



aurea
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16 Apr 2008, 4:34 pm

My heart goes out to you. I think I live in a haze of constant lack of sleep and worry.
It doesn't help when do gooders think they can comment on your parenting styles, when they only see your kid in certain situations, they never see your child 24/7.
When MIL takes your child do something for yourself- recharge your batteries. (don't catch up on house work!)



sinagua
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16 Apr 2008, 6:10 pm

aurea wrote:
My heart goes out to you. I think I live in a haze of constant lack of sleep and worry.
It doesn't help when do gooders think they can comment on your parenting styles, when they only see your kid in certain situations, they never see your child 24/7.
When MIL takes your child do something for yourself- recharge your batteries. (don't catch up on house work!)


I'd like to second all of this.

You sound like where I was three years ago. 8O I can totally empathize. That's an awful place to be.

Try to take a long hot bath and get some good sleep while you can. Good luck.



equinn
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16 Apr 2008, 6:14 pm

rent a comedy and have a good laugh. that always works for me.

equinn (don't be so hard on yourself...this too shall pass)



Tortuga
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17 Apr 2008, 11:45 am

I have moments like that too. I'm a single parent, so there's no one for me to lean on. I do 100% of the housework, child rearing, autism stuff. I do not give my son any drugs, but sometimes I joke to myself, "We need drugs over here. Either drugs for him or drugs for me."

I have a hard life, but it's a good life. Sometimes, I cry...but not in front of my son. I don't close the door on him either and that's probably half our problem. He follows me for room-to-room like my shadow. I have almost no time to myself.



equinn
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17 Apr 2008, 1:48 pm

My son has to have me in his sight at all times as well. This can be draining.

He follows me from room to room. If I go out to the car to get something, he's right there on my heels. If he can't see me, he calls to me.

I can relate.



Tortuga
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18 Apr 2008, 8:30 am

equinn wrote:
My son has to have me in his sight at all times as well. This can be draining.

He follows me from room to room. If I go out to the car to get something, he's right there on my heels. If he can't see me, he calls to me.

I can relate.


Wow, that's the way my son is...exactly.



mollyandbobsmom
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18 Apr 2008, 10:21 pm

where you live, is there any help available to you? Where we are (North Dakota in USA) we have an organization which provides respite workers who are trained to help our kids while we get a break. it is a free service and helps tremendously. check to see what local services might be there.



equinn
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18 Apr 2008, 11:49 pm

I've actually tripped over him because he's so close to me. I get irked and then he gets stressed. LOL What a life.

Lately, he's been climbing into my bed as well. So, I have his body attached to me at night.



Smelena
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19 Apr 2008, 2:51 am

(((((HUG)))))

I can relate to everything you said. I have 2 diagnosed Aspie sons and a 3rd son (probably Aspie).

My oldest is the most clingy. He follows me around everywhere. I 'hide' in the toilet. I'll pretend I need to go to the toilet, then just sit on the closed lid with a magazine for a few minutes peace.

We go through cycles. We'll have times where life is smoothe. Then we'll go through times where life is tough and I am counting the minute until the boys go to bed.

Be kind to yourself. If you had a friend in the same situation as yourself you wouldn't expect them to be superwoman.

Take whatever respite you can get.

Things will get better! There will be cycles of ups and downs.

Helen



jaleb
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19 Apr 2008, 12:41 pm

I'm very sorry about your bad day! I have days like that too sometimes, and it is tough. Even though I am married, my husband works night shift and sleeps during the day, so I feel like a single mom a lot of the time. We have no family here where we live so yeah, some days are really really tough! Hang in there, a better day will come!


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for everyone you meet is
fighting some kind of battle".