New Behaviors & Memory

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This is a first post for me.

My son was diagnosed with Aspergers a little over a year ago, he is 7 now. It took three years to finally receive a medical diagnosis.

He started Montessori school at 12 months of age. While he made a lot (or I should say maintained many) of friends at his Montessori school, he started having a lot of trouble holding it together during the school day, writing, perspective taking, etc. when he transfered to preschool at 4. I knew that there was something unique about my son....social situations seemed difficult for him (but he did not seem to have trouble at home with neighborhood children his age), he often made squeeky noises when he did not want to talk to you or was uncomfortable, he was very literal in his language use but he could read very well and had excellent comprehension and memory skills (for words, stories, etc.) at a young age.

He had friends in the neighborhood (and still does) and at his Montessori school. We had to, however, switch to a public school in January after having many run ins with a few teachers at Montessori (which was a very good environment for my daughter), they simply had trouble accommodating him in the classroom. We also switched to our public school order to get him the OT and structure that he needs. He did very well in the transition to the new school. He was making new friends (I asked his teacher) and doing very well academically, he has an AlphaSmart so he is no longer avoiding writing. He was still having a hard time holding it together at school every once in a while. Over the last few weeks (since Spring Break actually), however, he has started to act inappropriately in ways that he has never done before and is starting to lose friends because of it.

My son does have a psychologist (external to the school) and we are trying to get in to see her regarding what we can do to help him handle stress. He has told me that he does get nervous, he does not remember outbursts and meltdowns, and often struggles with being depressed about his social skill difficulties. While I am concerned about outbursts and meltdowns in the classroom, I am more concerned with the periodic inappropriate behavior (running around the boys bathroom with his pants down, showing his penis on the playground, etc.) that is starting to creep up more and more. I am also very concerned about the fact that he cannot remember any inappropriate behavior, rarely can remember what he did that day, etc. and I do believe him as I have witnessed a few episodes of impulsive behavior when he was younger.

I have read that Aspies have difficulty with memory but I am curious to hear what you have to say about this give his current behaviors. He and I have strategies to help with the anxiety and anger (identifying triggers, etc.)....these have also been implemented at school (which was great by the way with a 504), but I have no clue how to address or help him avoid situations where later he is very embarrassed by his own behavior. Does anyone have suggestions about what I could do to help him especially given the fact that he cannot remember these events?

first, welcome to WP!

ok. in order to help you better, i need to know more specifically what behaviors you are trying to extinguish. The only specific thing you've listed is the bathroom incident.......There's many different ways to look at this. 1. Why is he in the bathroom unattended ?....2. As this is happening at school, what sort of behavioral intervention are the teachers implementing ? ( what are they doing to help him STOP doing this ?)......3. You say that he does not have any recollection of this- and this is possible. however, it's also possible that he does recall the incident but is mortified at his actions.......4. This is a touchy one...Is it possible that he was molested by someone & is acting out due to this ?

hang in there. we've all had our own difficulties raising our aspies. it does get better.

I think you just need to keep teaching the social rules over and over until he has them by rote (even if he doesn't understand them socially). Re the bathroom incident . . . put it into a "rule" to teach him that you only ever have your pants down at school if you are directly toileting, and you cover up as soon as you are finished (you may have to extend the rule if he changes for swimming).

We had a problem with our 6 yr old AS son toileting on the grass at school at the end of the field. He couldn't transfer that while it was "appropriate" as a 3 yr old to go to the toilet on the grass when he was toilet training, or to go on the grass in a remote area, it was not appropriate to do it on the school field. So the rule became that you never ever do that at school, and otherwise you only do it if Mum or Dad say you can, and then you go behind a tree.

Same applies to lots of social issues, eg. personal space. Son used to get too close to people's faces, so we have given him the "rule" of the distance you can go up to someone's face. He still needs reminded on that one but is improving. All the best.

Hi

We have problems with our son and inappropriate behaviour at school. I wonder if your son got laughs out of his school mates when he ran around the boys bathroom with his pants down, etc, and he repeats this behaviour because he thinks it will make his friends laugh again. Our son does daft things at school because he has done it once and got laughs from other people. So he keep on doing it. He doesn't understand that doing silly things is only really funny the first time. If you keep on doing it people get bored with it. We have to keep on telling him that things are usually funny once then it's finished. Not funny any more. It could be a reason your son is doing these things?

Our son uses toilet words a lot, which is extremely embarrasing. I don't think that he realises he is doing it. It is triggered by a change of routine. We usually remind him that he is using toilet words again, and it's against the rules and he stops. If we don't point it out to him he keeps doing it and seems unaware he is doing it.

I think it's so hard for some kids to get through the day at school due to anxiety etc that the whole day is just a blur!

Hopefully some of our experiences are of some help.