Whose AS children prefer structure?

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I was reading about a mother creating structure for the holidays because her AS son really likes structure. And I was wondering whether this might sometimes have a lot to do with what makes the parent happy because that, ( a happy parent), is relaxing/reassuring for the child. And whether this might have something to do with whether the principal/primary caregiver is NT or AS.

So here's a poll. Please vote, thank you!

If you have more than one child and they do not have the same preference then please either vote for the majority preference, or if there isn't one then for the child that you notice is most attached to their preference. It's not perfect stats but better than not voting at all.

If you are one of a mixed NT/AS parentship please vote for yourself if you are the principal caregiver. Thanks.

PS: I am an AS parent/primary caregiver of an AS child

Last edited by ouinon on 05 Jun 2008, 12:36 am, edited 3 times in total.

Everyone needs some kind of structure in their lives...otherwise one could lie in bed all day and never accomplish anything in our daily lives. Each one of us needs a reason to wake up, get dressed and live each day as if it were a gift... even if it is simply
to greet the mailman each day with a smile.

The work day is a structured setting for adults...and the school day is also, structured from morning to mid-afternoon as children accomplish each task set before them and which will permit them to move successfully to the next grade level.

"An idle mind is the devil's workshop" ...how true when structure is not present in one's life.

Please vote about your child(ren) ! Thanks.

I notice noone has yet despite 39 views. As if there were no parents of AS children reading the forum.

Wow, what side of the bed did you fall out of today!

All this bile against "little or no structure". despite it being unsupervised, unstructured time which led to some of the greatest scientific discoveries, some of the greatest literary works etc, of all time. Haven't you heard of sitting still under a tree until enlightenment struck?


Have you never heard of homeschooling either, specifically home-unschooling? No structure. Works brilliantly.

66 views, no votes. Extraordinary high traffic of non-parents on here.

Go on; it's anonymous.

72 views... 93 views, ...

Last edited by ouinon on 04 Jun 2008, 3:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I would have voted, but to be honest i dont know yet if my daughter has AS or not

On the other hand, she needs her set routines. She needs to sleep at set times, eat at set times etc. If things get disturbed she gets fussy. I wont vote though, as it doesnt feel right not knowing if she has AS or not

Yes, I think one year is a bit too early to tell in most cases.

About structure I realised recently that almost the only structure I respect/accept is the natural kind, not man-made. Daylight, seasons, fruit and veg seasons, weather etc. All these I can live with, no problem. But man-made structures I find so often seriously illogical/irrational, wasteful, silly, pointless, unwarranted, etc.

When I say "little or no structure" I mean what it takes to get food onto the table, stay interested in life, meet friends when desire, avoid getting into trouble with the law.

"Structure" ( in my poll) is when plan days to include activities morning and afternoon, for a week at a time. This is what children's lives often look like when they go to school. Is your child happy with that amount of structure? Are you, the primary caregiver, AS or NT?

Does that help?

102 views, no votes.

Last edited by ouinon on 04 Jun 2008, 4:47 pm, edited 2 times in total.

The amount of man-made structure in people's lives has increased with each decade of technological advance.

In most of Europe it was Christianity which first introduced man-made time; candles in monasteries, complex water and sand mechanisms, clocks in belfries. Most people carried on using the sun and weather and animal-needs etc, to structure their days until the industrial revolution in the late 1700s.

The huge amount of man-made structure, ( especially time-based) present in modern society is a very recent development. The strange and ironic thing is that each time technology freed us from another "natural" constraint, it created a man-made one to replace it.

I think that once people with AS get a chance to think for themselves, ( which might not happen until their late twenties) , many discover that they are dubious about the merits of many man-made structures, that they feel illogical, pointless, and alien.

If they have been lucky enough to find a niche they may carry on for years in it, usually the kind with one main activity and almost nothing else so not much planning or structure needed , just devotion to one thing except when have to eat etc. The classic AS absent minded professor.

So in childhood what determines an AS child's preference for structure?

My child likes to know what the day holds. He has less anxiety when he knows what to anticipate that day. He prefers the structure.

The kids I have worked with do better when the structure includes an actual picture schedule and they know five minutes in advanced what the next activity is. I know this doesn't answer the question as to whether or not that "prefer" structure but they do better when given the picture schedule, especially at younger ages.

Hmmmmm.... read more what you wrote!
My child's actual true preference would be to be in a room with all of his interests and not have any structure. Since we live in a society that is so hung up on "to dos" that is the reason why my son does better with a schedule. If we didn't live in that kind of culture, though - preference would probably be no structure. He would be one heck of inventor!!

This question made me reconsider a little bit of my "schedule" that is in another post. I will have more time for him to "just be." It will be interesting to really see how he truly is and what his preference is. Perhaps I am still learning.

Good post!! You made me think and now I will evaluate.

Society, perhaps. Is it that we have become so busy and are constantly on the go that the AS child then needs the structure to keep up and help with the anxiety. Is it, perhaps. that traditional schooling makes it worse.

I wonder how AS kids do in Montessori and if there preference for structure decreases because they are not forced to take on a certain structure. Then again, would this drive some crazy because there is no structure?

Does it depend on the child and not necessarily whether or not they have AS?

Good question??? I originally thought one way but now I am second guessing. I would love to hear other thoughts regarding this topic!

I find the more structured something is, the more pressure I feel and the more pressure I feel the less i'm likely to get done. I get work done faster when i don't have a deadline to worry about.

I also find that when I try to structure my own activities I go so far overboard with it, that it defeats the purpose of doing any of the activities.

As a child I did need routine though and I still have difficulty tying my shoes if I put the left one on before the right one. I used to plan my entire week out in advance in one small deviation from my plan (een something positive like a friends visit) kept me from enjoying myself until the beginning of the next week

I voted as an AS parent, although I am undxed, I'm pretty sure that I'm more aspie than not. My children do best with structure. They are happiest/least anxious when they know what to expect next. Trying to be spontaneous often leads to meltdowns.
However part of our structure are large blocks of quiet time during which they do whatever they'd like (usually building Bionicles). They are happy left to make their own choices about how to spend their time at home, but when we go out into the world or plan a specific activity that may be outside of their comfort zone they need lots of warning about what will be happening and when.
And I am the same way. I love to follow my own rhythms and enjoy quiet free time at home in a variety of ways (that I don't plan or schedule), but I like to know well in advance exactly what to expect and when I will do things, when I need to do something outside my home/comfort zone.

Our experience is different with my second son as far as structure goes.

I KNOW that he preferred structure when he was younger. He used to complain (a little) whenever we would drive a different or unusual way to grandma's house. He got upset if things at church were different than usual. Even before we had a diagnosis, I decided that he needed to get used to changes, so I PURPOSELY drove in all different ways to grandma's house, and we varied the restaurants that we went to, and I mixed up things at home as much as possible.

Maybe it's not so much STRUCTURE that our children crave, but rather that they need to know what's coming up. I did, even with all of these changes in routine, tell my son what would be coming up each day so he was PREPARED. We did ask that they do the same at school when he was younger. As a result, I think, my son is more flexible and life doesn't seem so hard for him in this way. Life is hard for him in other ways for sure, but in this way, he seems to be doing well.

Kris

As an Aspie myself, I've struggled with being flexible, spontaneous and having rigid schedules. If I'm completely left alone, I'm fairly flexible but completely unmotivated. With people around I need to create schedules and I have a really hard time understanding others' spontaneity.

My son definitely requires schedules and structure. Within that, he can be flexible but he's really rigid. Worse than I ever was.

Being too driven by schedule can make one bored, which happens to my son a lot. He gets bogged down with whatever he's doing and is afraid not to do it but then becomes very frustrated. Me too.

Some accuse me of inflicting my own rigidity on my son but honestly I think he affected me a lot more. I really pushed myself to do different things before he was born and stopped afterwards.

I am pretty sure I have NOT voted but it isn't letting me vote ...

I am a very unstructured person. I dislike structure, and I never imposed it on my Aspie son when he was young.

But, as others came into his life who DID lovingly provide structure, I saw how well he responded to it.

My son needs a BALANCE of structure and free time, and that BALANCE needs to follow a predictable and consistent pattern: in other words, even the free time, in a way, has to follow a "structure," in being available daily at a fairly consistent time.

So, there you have it: totally unstructured NT mom having to LEARN how to provide structure because her Aspie child absolutely thrives with it.



PS - It took a while for both my son and I to realize that a predictable structure really is best for him. He doesn't like transitions, and "structure" by definition is going to involve transitions, so at first it seemed like a schedule was a negative. Still, over time we've discovered it's more that he cannot deal with being hurried, than being unable to complete a transition. With the right amount of time planned for it, it will go smoothly. As he gets older, he takes more and more charge of that timing for himself. And he asks for more and more structure. He craves predictability, and structure helps provide that. As long as we can keep it all from getting too "busy." That balance is really the key.