Do I tell my child he has AS?

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What do you suggest? Should I explain AS to my 5th grader or do we concentrate on helping him with all of the areas in which he struggles without giving it a name?

This is really a personal decision that depends a great deal on your child and your family. We told our son, with the assistance of his therapist, after it became clear that he was aware that he was different from other kids. It was helpful, for him, to give that difference a name. It was also helpful for him to know that there are people on the spectrum (or believed to be on the spectrum) who have done wonderful things. He was diagnosed at age 8 and a half, and we told him when he was nine. He then read the book, Asperger's the Universe and Everything, by Kenneth Hall. He loved it, and it made him feel less different, or strange. Since then, he has told a few of his close friends - usually during Autism Awareness month!

I wish my parents had known about aspergers when I was growing up... but then again, I might have resented the label too. I have a brother with mild ADD and dyslexia- he functions alright and gets along with people, but my mum used to frequently get involved with the school and basically pester the hell out of them to make sure they knew and that he didn't get bullied and they took everything into acccount etc.. etc.. I, on the other hand, was just left to figure things out on my own and muddle along the best I could. Looking back, I'm kind of annoyed that nobody noticed that I didn't have friends, that I was becoming severly isolated and that even when I self-harmed, my mum didn't want me 'in the system' (a.k.a. to see a psychiatrist)

Yea... my parents never wanted me in the system either, thats why the moment a shrink started making eyes at an AS DX, they packed up and moved on.

Personally, I wouldn't mind the DX. I like having a name for everything. That, and it would have given me some clue about where to start to try and make things a little easier, and also on what things that no matter how hard I tried I wasn't gonna change. I because very frusterated as a middle schooler trying to mold myself into a 'normal kid'. If I had known about AS, I wouldn't have spent as much time trying to change, and would have spent more energy trying to 'master' my differences.

Although, I'm the type of person who attacks a problem head on. I don't mess about with it, so thats probably why.

How does your son react to live changing news? Thats going to be your best indicator on when to tell him. If he's going to freak, just tell him he's a bit different than the other kids, but you are going to help him learn all the things nature missed.

And make sure to remind him you love him. I really resent that my parents told my sister that more than me, just cause I was the one seeing shrinks.

A kid knowing he has aspergers means that he knows hes not just a "weirdo" or a "freak", he doesnt have to tell everyone but knowing he has it means he is able to deal with it more effectively and able to find others like him that he can relate to.

What do you gain by not telling him? He still has to deal with the same problems he just doesnt know that they are part of a single issue so he is more likely to be overwhelmed, depressed, frustrated and angry.

Neither my son nor I am diagnosed, but I am sure that I am Aspergers/AS and my son has several AS/PDD traits, ( speech, fine motor skills, balance, freakouts about the unexpected and time pressure, "wriggling" and grimacing when under stress etc), and so soon after I realised/understood it about myself and started coming on here I began to think he might be, which cleared up so much for me, explained so many of the problems we have had, that I told him what I thought, and I think he is happier knowing too, because he was aware of differences from a lot of other children, of having difficulty with certain supposedly normal things etc.

He is 8 years old. And feels better for knowing there's others like him. He also now has a username on here and comes on occasionally. I think we both feel happier about "being ourselves" , so yes, I think it's good to tell.

We just got the official dx last week for both of our sons. We plan on telling them this summer. We're almost at the end of the school year and both are feeling tired and stressed, so I thought we would wait until they are on vacation when they have lots of time to digest the information.

I think it's best to tell. That way it just becomes another piece of who a child is, and not some BIG, HUGE deal, and it gives them an explanation for some of the differences that they are noticing between themselves and the other kids. I want my sons to know that there are many others that share similar challenges and experiences, but that having Asperger's doesn't change or limit who they are/can be. It's just one part of what makes them the wonderful, amazing people that they are.

I think it's best to tell, but I think you can break it to him gradually. I initially told my son that the doctors thought his brain worked a bit differently, and then described some of the main (Aspergers) traits that this involved. A few months later we talked about it again and I mentioned that there was a word for it called "Aspergers Syndrome". I personally liked this approach as it put the emphasis on describing the situation, rather than labelling it. Like others have said, it's a personal choice.

I really like this approach. I guess it's kind of what we've been doing, breaking it gradually. We've started talking about their "super sensitive senses" and how they create challenges for them at times, and have also been discussing differences that they are noticing between themselves and other kids at school. But we have yet to give it a name, and talk specifically about Asperger's.

I wish I knew what was different with me as a child, I only found out in january and I am 46, it would have
saved a lot of guessing by all the doctors and therapists, is he aware that something is different about him.

Agreed. I always knew I was different and didn't know it had a name, or that there were others dealing with the same issues, until I was 45. Believe me, it's much better to know there's a biological reason for being different, than being left to think all your little uncontrollable idiosyncrasies are personal weaknesses and defects.

Please tell him. If I had known what was "wrong" with me when I was a kid, it would have saved me a lot of grief and pain in trying to fit in and be like other kids. Iw as different and I knew it and I hated myself. I just wanted to be like everyone else.

MY 10 y/o daughter knows she has HFA, most likely Asperger's. She knows what it means and has since she was 7. We told her that her brain is just wired differently and so she thinks differently, has different interests, and is not like a lot of other kids. WE emphasize the great strengths that Asperger's has given her, me, and my husband when we discuss things with her. We also bring in all the famous people who are speculated to have Asperger's or HFA and she's even done her own research projects on some historical characters who may have been on the spectrum. We basically keep her aprised of everything that is going on with her, why she's taking certain medications and what they should do for her, why she gets so overwhelmed easily, why she is so sloppy and disorganized, etc. We also don't allow her to use AS as a cop-out though. Even though she has weaknesses associated with it and there is a cause, it doesn't mean she can't work extra hard to try to overcome those limitations and weaknesses. She's an amazing kid.

TELL HIM! Cover the good AND the bad points! He can try to gradually get better on the bad points, and push the good. He'll be better off. I wish I knew even 7 years ago!

i think it's best that he knows............try to focus on the positive stuff-ie; the reason you're so good at ( fill in the blank), is because you have aspergers............then segway into 1 or 2 things he's aware of that he has trouble with & can be explained by aspergers...........explain to him that you, his dr, & his teachers are there to help him cope with his difficulties.

do not go into lengthy details about everything a person with aspergers **might** struggle with. this will only get him scared or depressed.
good luck !

In my defense, I am talking generalities. Like he may have problems catching a ball. That isn't something to permute into problems that he may NEVER even have, but it is one to test and work on. If he has no problem, GREAT! NEXT possible GENERAL thing. If he has a problem, have him try to work with something he can depend on, and graduate to playing catch with him.

With social problems, give him a NUDGE, don't talk about being a hermit or anything like that, just try to nudge him a bit. Realize he probably WILL have problems there.

THAT is the kind of stuff I am talking about.

I get emotional even thinking about someone NOT TELLING. How can you not tell someone what defines their very being? I am 38, have recently discovered our family problems are related to autism via a nephew diagnosed with classic autism. We have since figured out several more of us are on the spectrum, especially myself. I am probably the most clearly defined HFA person in the family.
It is adding so much more meaning to life, allowing me to understand why things have been like they have for so long. I am already discussing with my children about the diversity in people, how many people think differently than others, how we have a wide variety of strengths and weaknesses and it's ok to be weak at some things because we are so strong in others, etc.
Telling your child about their diagnosis, to me, seems more about figuring out how and when, not if. Hopefully you have begun laying the groundwork for a complete sharing of information. I wish you luck as it is not easy to discuss such subjects, particularly when talking about our babies.