trialanderror wrote:
I am a 31 yo who has 2 children with aspergers. I found through the experiences of theirs that I had it as well. To be honest, it was a relief to put a name to being so different from the rest of the "world". I have been able to cope and dismiss others' point of views and be happy and confident with my decisions and life, with the exception of my mother. She was a very loving mother and still is. The problem is that she has no room for a person with issues. Her response is "knock it off" or "get over it" or my favorite "everyone feels like that once in a while so stop thinking your so different". I don't expect her to understand how I feel, but when she dismisses my feelings as rediculous, it makes me so insecure and I have to have time away from her before my confidence resurfaces. I get so nervous around her and turn into someone who can't think or handle the situations with the kids as they arise. I get "the look" repeatedly and it makes it all the worse. We want to move closer to let the kids know the family since most of the family lives where she is, but I need to conquer this problem before we get there. I cannot and will not spend my days being so off course. I have made so much progress and had to do it with absolutely no support system. I don't want to lose ANY of that. Any suggestions?
This is very difficult, I am sure, and I don't think you are alone in having such a problem. I'm fortunate that my mom bites her tongue for the most part.
Have you ever responded to her, "I am not looking for your opinion, just for an ear" or "whether or not you agree with how I feel, it IS how I feel, and all feelings are valid, so I would appreciate it if you did not try to knock them off the way you do?" OK, she probably won't hear any of that because it isn't who she was raised to be, but it could be worth a try, if you haven't already. Shut down the conversation when it isn't going in a positive way. Rehearse a few simple responses like these so that you will feel as confident and in control as possible when the time comes to utter them. Repeat if you have to.
Otherwise, limit the contact and the types of conversations so that she has less opportunity to upset you and your family. Remember that what upsets you is also likely to have negative impact on your children, so keeping out of the way of such insensitive comments is something you do for all of you, not just yourself. Do it tactfully and quietly.
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Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
04 Jun 2008, 9:51 pm
