Have a setback or is he regressing?

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Damien (5) almost had me in tears when we had our 'end of day' chat. I had to leave and go back to him.
His social skills at school have pretty much gone. He is spending both breaks alone and he likes it. I don't mind that he likes it but by the end of last term he was playing WITH at least one other child at lunchtime.
He said he isn't talking to any other kids and they are not talking to him. He seems to be staying quiet all day till I get him. I really hope he is lying about this!! !! !! !! !! !! !!
His language at home (unless you talk buses) has dropped too and I have started making him some pecs to save frustration.
He just loves making this bub bub bub noise and if you were in another room you would think I have a baby. Other noises have crept in too.
In bed he was also getting the skin above his eye and twisting it, I just HATE it when he does stuff like that. He has also started biting the skin at the end of his fingers. And as some of you may know he has gotten fussy with his eating.
All week after school he has been hand flapping alot whether that is due to the crap weather and being inside alot I don't know.
He doesn't want to interact with me and I really have to push him to do so.
He's chewing things lot again but sticking with his 'chew toys' which is good
Being back at school seems to have changed him.
Apart from rining his pysch what can I do?

Take him out of school again maybe?

My ( now home-unschooling) son at 5 also didn't play with other children except for some times of chasing a few girls while making dinosaur roaring/yelping noises ( velociraptor to be exact, copied faithfully off "Jurassic Park" ).

More recently when he was in a music class for a few months he began to grimace, and exclaim inappropriately/totally out of context, and wriggle and zone out. The noise and numbers of children were too much for him. And he was being teased more and more.

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Last edited by ouinon on 23 Jul 2008, 6:44 am, edited 3 times in total.

I don't want to do that. He is at a great school and has an awesome teacher. They want to be inclusive and he really does like school. He just prefers to be alone and very very quiet like almost silent. Taking him out would make him uphappy.

That's great that he's happy.

So the problem is that you are unhappy then? It's alright to be silent, and not want to be with others, and to make funny noises. It doesn't hurt anyone.

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The dumb SECRET is that AS social problems often start to become obvious around 6(When OTHERS change!)! Your son may not have changed AT ALL! Maybe it is just suddenly obvious. I think 5 is not a good time for "regression". THAT appears to generally happen around 2 and 8. So five is nestled safely RIGHT BETWEEN THEM!

BTW this new "disability" may seem to adversly affect him a lot. Give him some time, and be more tolerant.

So, your complaint is that he doesn't interact with other people often?

I hate to break it to you, but I am 16 years older then your son and I still don't interact with people often. The point of interacting with other people is to exchange info (ask a question), and also for enjoyment (hanging out with friends). If your son asks you when he has a question, and answers your questions then your good there. And if he is happy, and enjoying his time at school then your good there too. Why bother him to socialize more when he has taken care of the 2 things he needs to?

Forcing an autistic person to be more social is like trying to force somebody who has motion sickness to go on roller coasters. Just because you consider roller coasters to be an enjoyable thing doesn't mean that somebody else feels the same way. Give your son some time. If you want him to be friendly with other kids, he will have to do it by himself, in his own way. Forcing him to be more social will only increase his anxiety, and make things worse. Just be patient, and wait for him to make friends on his own.

As far as his stims (making noises, picking his fingers, etc.) that just comes with being autistic. It helps him think well and concentrate. Generally, stims seem to occur more when stressed or tired. And being in a new environment is probably stressful for him. I myself still shake and bite my lip when I am alone. Just let him know that it is inappropriate to do in public. If the sounds really bother you then you can ask him not to do that specific stim while you are around. Or you could get ear plugs.

I hate to sound insensitive, but you need to realize that your child will not be exactly the way you thought he would. Every person is different, and acts in their own way. Trying to force your child to be something he is not will not work very well. Instead it would work out better for both you and him if you accepted his weirdness and did not try to force change on him.

I hope you don't get offended by me saying so bluntly, but you yourself said your son is happy with the way he is, so why aren't you? Your son sounds very similar to me when I was his age. I only had one friend that I really talked to, and didn't interact with other students much inside the classroom. I was also bad with hand flapping and noises. However, looking back at my early childhood I wasn't unhappy with any of this at all. In fact I was about the happiest little boy on Earth. I have many great memories from Elementary School. Sure, it might have been a different experience for me, but different does not always mean bad. So, please don't be upset that your son is a little different, if he's happy that's all that matters. The best advice I can give is to accept your son for exactly who he is, and that's all one can ask of a parent. :]

ok

Last edited by Jenk on 29 Jul 2008, 4:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

I saw significant regressions when my son started school. Like the other poster said, part of it was seeing him with typical kids. The disparity was huge, but new frightenning behaviors emerged. I would see him at school and not recognize him. In the school setting, he was much lower functioning.

This is how your son is- respect it and you'll have much less angst.


Are you sure you don't mind it???



I love this analogy!

I had two different thoughts:

1) The things you described could be signs of stress. Give a lot of thought to things that might be stressing your son, and work to mitigate them.

2) A sense of regression at this age is very normal with AS kids.

Still, despite #2, I wouldn't forget to investigate #1, particularly with respect to what is going on at school. AS kids can be stressed by things they believe they enjoy, so it isn't always so simple. And your description really did have my first thought being, "something at school is stressing him." So, look into it. It's really important to locate the things that stress our children and to find a way to mitigate them.

Thanks for your replies. Unfortunatly only 1 was any help. My son has gone backwards with thing. He WAS progressing but now that has stopped. I'm sorry to say but you seemed to have missed what I was saying.

DW thank you , it could be stress due to going back to go school. 4 new kids have joined the class so that could have thrown him out a bit. It could also be that things have changed there and he has gotten so used to his own company over the holidays. I have no other idea as to why he could be going backwards. I posted in a support group and have been told that this sort of regression type thing is normal for autistic kids (he is HFA NOT AS). I will be talking to his teacher when I pick him up this afternoon to see what she has noticed and may also ring Autism NZ for more help.

This went through my head as I read Mum's post. 5 is a time of dramatic change and expectations on kids change too. My son responded to kindergarten by napping a lot-when he had stopped napping by 2 1/2. There is tons of stress and when you have speech delay it can be even harder to express frustration and de-stress. My son started spinning in First grade and occasionally hand-flapping.
I don't consider this "regression" but it does appear to be so. But think of other skills your son is gaining. I just think autistics are taxed and will let something else fall to the wayside while they learn new things. The picky eating goes with a more sensitive body and I went through it from 5-10.

I don't think the other posts "missed the point". You just disagree with them. It does sound like a real change for the possible reasons I stated above. However, he may need his stims to protect himself from the stress. Have you tried at home exercises, like wheel barrow (picking up his feet and making him walk on his hands), squeezing or calisthenics (jumping jacks)? This helped tremendously when my son was 4-6.
Lastly, yes, crap weather sucks and contributes to stress and cabin fever.

I spoke to his teacher today and well I think she was glad when bell went. He had a bad day. Really easily distracted, not paying attention, not applying himself like almost defiant . She said his talking there has dropped as well but today he did play with 2 other boys in the class. She is going to talk to his teacher aide and keep an eye on him. We are both hoping that it is just back to school stuff and also the fact there are 4 new kids there. But she has defiantly noticed he is not his usual self. When I was talking to her he was still pretty hyper, kept jumping up and down the step, wouldn't listen and didn't have his reading book.
At home he calmed down for a little while (abotu 20 minutes) then started his homework. Once maths was done tho he was almost out of control. Extremely defiant and hyper.
What am I doing wrong? He was fine before he went back to school and now this.

You aren't doing anything wrong. You simply haven't found the key yet. Keep looking. It gets tough with our children, things are constantly changing, and new keys are required on a regular basis. But you WILL find it.

Sounds like he may just have too much energy in his system. How much sugar is he getting? If your giving him sweet snacks, that may be giving him a sugar rush. Also, as suggested before, doing jumping jacks, or other physical activity is a good way to drain energy.

Not every problem is related to his ASD. A lot of children get hyper and have problems concentrating. 5 year old children aren't known for their long attention spans. There is no need to start worrying and become panicked over natural behavior.