kindergarten issues, needs advice!

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My 6 year old son used to LOVE school when he was in pre-k. Now he goes to an integrated K class with two teachers, one special ed, one regular and he HATES it there. BTW his dx is pdd-nos. He doesn't talk/play with any of the kids. But the worse part is he never wants to do his homework. There is more work to do then last year as far as reading and writing but he is very smart. In his report card he got excellent grades for all his academics. When it came to social interaction and self help skills, he did awful. It's getting worse and worse..he tells me he "can't think." He processes information much slower than the other kids but now it seems like he doesn't want to talk or can't get the words out. He lost his turn for "student of the day" because he told me he took too long for another project. For the third time since Sept I got a note from the teacher saying he constantly needed to be redirected to finish one piece of paper. I understand he's easily distracted but the class only has less than 10 kids and 4 adults. I can't see him doing well in first grade with a regular teacher and a class of over 20 kids.

I'm at a lost and I don't know what to do with him to help him. I used to think that it was just a behavior issue when he didn't want to do his homework. I have put him in time out before. When we sit down to do work, he whines, complains, makes excuses, digress, stims, meltdown etc. It doesn't even look like he tries and he knows most of this stuff. Now I feel completely different, I know there's something going on that is preventing him from not being able to concentrate. There's no way he WANTS to get into trouble, he's usually a very sweet kid that is eager to please. Now that I understand, I'm not sure what to do to help him focus and concentrate in school and at home.

He used to do much better when he had outpatient OT but his therapist claims that his issues are "resolved" and he doesn't need it anymore. She did advise me that he needs a lot of sensory input before he can sit down and write. I was thinking about enrolling him in a swim class before school to let out the anxiety and stress. Any advice????

First, I wouldn't rely on your son's interpretation of how and why things happen in school. Kindergarteners in general are not very good at providing accurate information of this sort; kindergarteners with ASD are even less so. You need to find out from the teacher(s) what is going on regarding the "student of the day" issue. There is NOTHING that should cause your child to "lose" that day. NOTHING! You should find out what happened, what the teacher's perspective is of what happened, and if they think something happened that was "punishment" worthy, they need to find something else. You have to advocate for your child. He can't be the only child in the class not to have some time devoted to him.

Also, it sounds like he is being punished for things that are beyond his control. What kind of IEP do you have? Are you in the USA? If so, you need to call an emergency IEP meeting, and make sure that appropriate supports are in place for him. If all they are doing is punishing him for displaying the typical signs of ASD, that is not support. He needs to be receiving POSITIVE behavioral supports, and if the teachers don't know what to do, an autism specialist needs to be brought in to consult with them.

You are probably right that he won't do well in a typical first grade with a regular teacher and over 20 kids (unless the teacher is phenomenal). Part of what should be done at the IEP meeting is planning for next year. Remember that your son's needs are what need to be discussed first. The programs that your school district has shouldn't be part of the conversation until after your son's needs have already been determined. After your son's needs have been determined, the team should figure out where/how your school district can meet those needs. It is their job to meet his needs, not make him fit into their programs.

It sounds like the swim program might be a good idea. The OT who said his issues were "resolved" - was she an expert in autism? Did she say the issues were totally resolved, or resolved "for now" and that he should be monitored or checked again in a few months? Sometimes, because of the way insurance is, OT has to stop for a period of time before it can be resumed. Sometimes, OT's who aren't thoroughly educated about the needs of individuals with ASD don't fully appreciate their OT needs, and the fact that those needs don't really "resolve," even if it looks like they have. The "resolution" is generally only temporary, and some maintenance work needs to be kept in place, especially for sensory needs.

I agree completely with jat there is something wrong here I have had to seriously advocate for my 7yo as/nld tourretts son in school. I would like to add that sound blockers are invaluable, my son wears them at all work times this was my idea and I had to push it. I am lucky he is in a good school with a good teacher I tried 2 private and 2 public schools to get him here.

Sorry I don't have any advice to offer. I am just extremely interested in this post because it sounds exactly like what I am going to be facing with my son. He has been in special needs pre-k since he was 3, and has made a lot of improvements, but his ability to focus is a major problem. He also does not socialize with other children. We are in the stages now of trying to determine his placement for next year. He will be 5. I will definitely be looking to WP for support! Good luck-I can sort of feel your frustrations!

Jat addressed the practical issues well. I'd like to offer something different that has made a huge difference for me. As parents, we cannot control what our children do or how they perceive situations. We can shift our own view.

I don't think that children in kindergarten need or should do homework. They are in school 3 - 7 hours per day. That's plenty of time for them to learn what they need to know. If the school assigns homework but it is too much for your child to handle after a whole day at school, talk to the teacher and let her know this. You can get no homework put into his IEP. Much of kindergarten homework (and that for many years to follow) is just busy work.

As far as the teacher writing notes that he needs to be redirected. When my autistic ds went to kindergarten after 3 fabulous years in sp ed preschool, the teacher sent me notes every week about everything he was doing wrong: crawling around on the floor, being distracted, making strange sounds. All things that had not been an issue for 3 years prior in school. DH contacted the superintendent and we transferred our son to another classroom in another school. This meant I had to drive him because the district did not provide busing, but the next teacher was a gem who saw ds's strengths and cultivated them.

If things are bad, I assume it is not my child and take action. Love your child as he is. How well they match someone else's ideal of a "good kid" does not matter.

we have the same problem. my son can't sustain 6 hours of constant work. i know that they assume drawing and playdough to be fun but for him it is work too. i see him as a fast track runner and do not understand how anyone can expect him to pay attention whole day long.
i keep telling special ed that it doesn't matter if he doesn't pay attention when he somehow acquires knowledge.
i can't recommend something but my plan is to actually try to reduce the amount of teaching/services and just concetrate on important academic and social skills. Also I will try to do some supplements (magnesium) and have a very structured day (meaning sit and listen time for 10-15 min every hour or so and totaly free time). The problem for us is too many things since we both have demanding non 5-9 jobs so things are difficult to organize. I'll post here if anything works out but I am kind of prepared that schooling will be a constant struggle.

Also regarding swimming, we started teaching him (his dad actually) couple of months ago and he loves it. Now he attends a class and loves it too. He "swims" and "dives" in the bathtub every day.
For our passive child who didn't want to do any sports whatsoever this was a true blessing.

I totally agree with everything Catalyst4Health said.

Also, something that AnotherOne said made me think of something else - are they telling you that he isn't paying attention? If they are, you need to ask them to explain what they mean. My son used to look like he wasn't paying attention, but he was absorbing everything that was going on. Luckily, he had a teacher who recognized this. She said, "he can be in the bookcase, under the table, on his head, but if you ask him a question, he always knows the answer." Many of our kids can't pay attention if they look like they are - looking at the speaker and sitting still. In those situations, it's the teacher's problem, and the teacher needs to get over it.

As far as the paperwork he has trouble completing - is there some paperwork he can complete, and other work he cannot? My son had no trouble with math, for instance, but anything that didn't have clear, "right" and "wrong" answers was very difficult. He has serious perfectionist issues (not as bad now as when he was younger), and since there were too many possible things that could be written down, he got stuck. Threats of punishment would not work - that would only escalate the distress. He couldn't get started writing sentences, and needed help with that. It took a skilled teacher to help, and when he had one, he worked well. When he didn't, well, ... Sometimes, even with a really good teacher, things were too difficult, and he couldn't do an assignment.

For some kids, writing about their special interest can be a way to "break the dam" if they are having trouble writing. For others, sticking with non-fiction is essential, since fiction is hard to handle. In any case, it will take some careful monitoring of what is going on to figure out what your son needs, and modification of his assignments to make them appropriate for him to succeed. When you are confronted with something that sounds like an assignment that your son cannot handle, ask "what is the goal here?" If the assignment isn't going to meet that goal, for your son, school needs to come up with something different. If the result of any particular assignment is going to be frustrating and upsetting your child, you need to point that out to the school - the school's goal won't be to frustrate and upset your child (at least they can't say so!), and if that is the only thing coming out of the assignment, they will have to make changes. If they say "well, he has to learn that ..., " you need to be able to demonstrate that this is not teaching him what they want him to learn, and that another methodology needs to be employed.

Stay firm and calm; know your and your child's rights!

jat: I am very interested in experiences of older children with similar traits mainly to find out what works and also how they develop later in life. Did you do or have any special classes or support (or assistant during the classes), what strategy did you have for homeworks or any other things that you can remember that helped your son. Also did he have friends, how did that go?
thank you so much (of course i would understand if you don't want to share or you think that would be too revealing).

We've had a wide variety of experiences over the years. For most of my son's educational life, there has been little, if any, true "special education." It is only the past year and a half that he's had real special education services, for reasons I won't go into here and now. The accommodations he received were mostly on a teacher-by-teacher basis.

When my son was younger, in primary grades, he wasn't diagnosed, so anything that was done was done as part of just general good teaching strategies. Since he was bright and verbal, there was an expectation that his refusal to do work was some kind of oppositional behavior, but since he was generally cooperative, that didn't fit. His first grade teacher was very good (amazing, actually) and very experienced, and she just gave him the support he needed. He was fine. He had one friend that he made just before kindergarten, and this has been his best friend ever since. He's had some friends at school since then, but no one who he's been as close with, nor who he wanted to spend time with outside of school like that. Now, he sometimes spends time with another school friend outside of school hours, but always at the other person's initiation (I think).

Back to school - as he went through school, some of the written work needed to be modified, in terms of the amount of the work. He would sometimes not have to write as much, or he would dictate (to me) instead of write things himself. When he got old enough, he started typing instead of writing. He rarely writes anything by hand if it's more than a sentence or two. For a while, he used speech-to-text software at home. It wasn't great, but it helped somewhat. In classes, different teachers accommodated differently: some allowed him to tell them the answers to essay questions, some just skipped them. He found whatever method he could to minimize writing - drawing lines from questions to the word in a word bank, rather than writing the word where it was "supposed" to be written, circling a choice rather than writing it, writing the number next to a word rather than the word itself ...

When essays were supposed to be done on particular topics, like research papers, he often submitted his research by way of power point presentation. There was, of course, some "writing" involved, but he had an easier time putting the information together in bullet points on "slides" than in paragraphs. He was still doing the research and presenting the information, but the writing disorder wasn't making the assignment as unmanageable.

From a rather young age, we involved my son in discussions of modification of his homework. He was very honest about what did and what did NOT need to be modified. Had we not elicited his input, we would have reduced his homework too much. One of the important things, however, is that the homework make sense to the child. If it seems "stupid," like "busywork," or "insulting" (i.e., beneath the child's intelligence and/or abilities), getting cooperation in completing it will be almost impossible. In effect, your child's teacher will be challenged to provide homework that is interesting and engaging. Failing that, your child MIGHT not do it. As a parent, you MIGHT not be able to "make" your child do it. If your child refuses to do homework, try to find out why. There might be reasons, like he doesn't know what is expected of him. Or it may seem stupid to him. Maybe you can talk him through it, maybe you can't. You can tell the teacher that you tried to get him through it, but were unable to, if that's what happened, and then work together on ways of formulating homework that will be more "meaningful" to your child.

jat thank you so much for your input.
sounds like you did a great job with your son.

best

Thank you everyone for your replies. I appreciate all the advice and understanding. He is on an IEP currently. Part of his IEP is that she will allow him more time to process information and get things done. Finishing work in a timely manner is a big issue for him both at home and at school. That is why I'm pissed about this situation. I just finished writing a letter to her to find out what happened. I can't wait for her response.

I am very nervous about what will happen in 1st grade because they plan on moving him to a class with just one regular teacher and over 20 kids. The special education teacher will be "coming in and out as needed." I guess they have one special ed teacher for 4 different grades. His neurologist feels this is not the right placement for him and I talked to his teacher about alternative placements but she said this will be the best fit for him. He will "learn to adapt" to this environment. The horrible thing about my state right now is the education budget cuts. The only thing available for special education students is a regular classroom or a self contained classroom. The only other option is an autism private school which I can not afford unfortunately. The only placement for him right now is the regular classroom in 1st grade, although I will look into the private school and possible go full-time at my job.

Jat your son sounds exactly like mine when you said the work that he has trouble with is thinking of sentences to write. He LOVES math, when I present him with a homework sheet about math he does it with amazing speed. Thanks for giving me such a clear understanding of how my son's mind works. I'm trying my best to get him a good education, I just want him to be able to do well and get a good job so that when I'm gone, he will be able to support himself. I know the way I'm thinking is a long time away but I can't help but worry about these things.

It's never to early to think about children becoming self-sufficient!

Since you've figured out that the problem has to do with the type of work, and not the idea of working, you can authoritatively dispute any claims they falsely make about him being "lazy," or "uncooperative." Ask them what the educational purpose is of the assignment - not in a confrontational way, but in a truly information-seeking way. If the goal is to work on mechanics of writing (punctuation, capitalization, etc), he can write about anything; ask them to tell him to write about something he either loves, or something factual. If they give him a start, like the first word or two, that might also help. If there is a different goal, figure out a way that he can learn what they're looking for, in a way HE can learn. His assignments may need to look very different from his classmates'. That's part of the "I" in IEP! You may need to remind them, regularly and gently, that the goal of the team is to help him learn what he needs to learn, not to make him into an anxious wreck.

As far as the class placement goes, if the regular class is the appropriate placement for him, and he needs more support than one teacher can provide, the school is required to provide the support he needs. If he needs a smaller learning environment, and their only one doesn't offer the appropriate academic challenge, they have to find one that does. If the only appropriate educational environment is the private school, they are obligated to pay for it. That doesn't mean they have to provide the best, but they do have to provide something appropriate, and that means an environment where your son can learn, and make meaningful educational progress. It is reasonable for you to ask them how they expect him to function in a class with one teacher and 20-something kids when he's currently struggling in a class with much higher teacher-student ratio. The school can put a full time para-professional in the classroom - just because there isn't one there now, doesn't mean they can't put one in for next year. There obligation is to provide an appropriate education for your child (and all the other children). A tight budget is not an excuse for failing to do so.

As far as private school goes my son went to montessori and other private schools on partial scholarship and work trade . The montessori system is very structured and some schools go up to older ages, my son actually benefited from being with younger kids it gave him confidence and he developed many social skills.

Thank you so much jat. I'm literally copying and pasting a lot of your ideas and putting together a new IEP. I appreciate this so much!

BTW this was her response to my letter asking her why he was put in time out and why he lost his turn..(my son's name will be taken out for privacy reasons)

"____ did loose his turn as student of the day. Our routine stays the same everyday. _____ was not able to execute the routine. He needed constant re-direction. We also have the routine posted in picture form but _____ would only check it if prompted then stand there and wait to be told what to do. He has been very unfocused this week. He hasn't been able to work independently on any activity or center either.

We have not sent _____ to time out this year. However he was sent to time out before Christmas for not wanting to do something."

I am livid beyond belief. I am so lucky he's on vacation this week so I have some time to let off steam before I say something irrational.

Your son sounds like a very typical ASD child of his age! There is nothing unusual about his needing this kind of prompting, and he should be getting the supports he needs, not punishment for needing it.

Has he had an FBA (functional behavioral assessment)? It's not that I think his behavior particularly warrants it, but since they are identifying this as "undesirable" behavior, they should undertake an FBA - and it MUST be done by a certified behavior analyst, NOT his regular teacher or special ed teacher. From the FBA, a BIP (positive behavioral intervention plan) should be developed. The plan would provide the teacher with a "blueprint" of how to handle the behavior that she clearly has no idea how to work with.

I understand how furious you must be, but you can't deal with them with anger. If you show anger, they will write you off as "overly" emotional. Try to stay calm, focus on the facts, and insist that your son get the supports that he needs in order to access the education to which he is entitled. They cannot deny him the supports he requires and then punish him for being autistic. His IEP should include specially designed instruction for independence that include the prompts he needs (looking at the routine, prompting what to do) and working toward fading those prompts. His inability to work independently is one of his disabilities - he needs supports, accommodations and specially designed instruction to address these issues, not punishment. He won't learn by being punished. He needs to be taught, they need to teach him, and they need to set reasonable (measurable) goals and objectives. They also need to take data periodically to see how he's doing!

If there is any way you can get a knowledgeable advocate to come with you to the meeting you will be having, it would be very helpful. Even though your son is not intellectually delayed, the ARC (Association for ret*d Citizens) in your area might be able to give you some guidance. If they can't help, they might be able to tell you who could. They might also be able to direct you to online information specific to your area.